Peeta shakes his head. “I’m losing it. I’ll go mad. Like them.” Like the mutts. Like a rabid beast bent on ripping my throat out. And here, finally here in this place, in these circumstances, I will really have to kill him. And Snow will win. Hot, bitter hatred courses through me. Snow has won too much already today. It’s a long shot, it’s suicide maybe, but I do the only thing I can think of. I lean in and kiss Peeta full on the mouth.
ok ok ok because i’ve been reading Nothing Gold Can Stay (this freakishly wonderful bagginshield fic) what about a Barduil Modern Royalty AU??? I’d be surprised if this hasn’t been mentioned yet but whatever
so Dale is this small country that’s been ruled by a monarchy for a long time but then by some weird marriage or whatever this ass (the Master) comes in and over-taxes the people and enforces all these dumb trading laws and penalties for minor stuff that are ultimately for making him more money. The people are DONE and there’s been word of starting a revolution for a long time, but no one’s ever acted on it. But then this guy Bard (who works in trading or some shit and gets the brunt of all the penalties the Master made) makes some offhand comment in an interview about life working at the docks in trading about how ridiculous these laws are and how effortless it would be to improve the quality of life in Dale if the Master would just get off his pedestal (and how he’s got some ideas but hey he’s no politician) and suddenly the people are just RALLYING behind him. then Bard’s suddenly the leader of this revolution against the Master’s unfair rule and at first he’s all like “no no look guys i’ve got a family i don’t wanna get caught up in this treason shit” but then he’s see’s the hope he’s instilling in the people of Dale that’s he’s never seen in his home before and he can’t bring himself to leave these guys. So Bard becomes like the Katniss of Dale and the Master hates him and tries everything to catch him but Bard stays just out of his reach. Then the Revolution actually starts and it’s this big upheaval of the government and Dale loses a lot of money and resources in the process but ultimately THEY WIN
then suddenly with Master and all the stupid aristocrats out of the way, the people decide they don’t want some new crown taking everything away from them again. so screw the monarchy, guess who they choose instead? this bargeman who worked on the docks, always can home smelling like fish, and liked to do archery in his free time when he wasn’t taking care of his three kids. and that’s how Bard unwittingly got elected to be Dale’s new king/president/representative.
and THEN he meets Thranduil who is the proud king of the nation of Mirkwood/Greenwood who has important trading agreements with Dale and their economies kind of depend on each other. and Thanduil see’s this newly elected guy and kinda takes pity on him in a way he never has before and takes him under in wing and shows him the ins and outs of ruling. He saw the stuff Bard was doing during the Revolution and how much care and devotion he has towards his people and can’t help but respect him. so they get closer and closer during meetings and annual banquets and galas and shit and become thick as thieves, and then they start hanging out outside of work and Thanduil takes Bard and his kids on this grand tour of Mirkwood all expenses paid and it’s totally public so the media is in this frenzy bc King Thranduil hasn’t let anyone get this close to him since his wife died, let alone leave his office
and all it takes is some offhand comment from Prince Legolas about how he’s never seen his dad look at someone the way he looks at Bard and suddenly it hits him. he fucking loves this bargeman/king/president of the tiny country of Dale who still always smells like fish even tho he lives in a goddamn mansion and still takes his kids on camping trips and has a fucking archery range in his backyard and the only car he owns is this stupid minivan that’s covered in mud even tho he’s the fucking ruler of a country
so, Thranduil does the obvious thing: he starts courting Bard
bc damnit it’s the proper thing to do for royalty and how the people of Mirkwood do things according to their culture, but the thing is Thranduil hasn’t done it in forever and Dale’s customs for these things are so different so Bard has no idea what’s going on half the time but the media is eating it up bc holy shit the king is courting this scruffy lumberjack-looking guy from Dale
so Thranduil is so not with the times and it’s really embaressing Legolas, and Bard’s kids are embaressed bc their dad is totally oblivious, so the kids just take things into their own hands and set them up on a nice secluded date where they won’t be bothered. then Bard finally confronts Thranduil about his odd behavior and Thrandy comes out and bluntly admits his affections and is all blushy about it even tho he’s practically been broadcasting it to the whole world and Bard just smiles and leans across the table and kisses him with complete undertanding after hearing him ramble on about his people’s customs
and after that they come out to the public that they’re dating and fucking Mirkwood throws a festival bc YES OUT KING IS FINALLY GETTING LAID and all the kids are just high-fiving bc YES OUR PLAN TOTALLY WORKED ABOUT TIME