royal ballet school

Chisato Katsura backstage in Raymonda Act III costume. Royal Ballet School, London, Royal Opera House, 12 July 2014. © Brian Slater.

Katsura, from Osaka, has been much mentioned and is astonishingly well-finished already with terrific definition to her movement and strong musicality. Seemingly perfectly proportioned, with a dark allure, she has it all, and a lot of companies will be interested.

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someone once told me that the royal ballet school have to replace their plumbing system once every three years because the stomach acid erodes the pipes. when I was fourteen I learnt how to throw up like a ballerina: back bent straight, leg out, four fingers. when I was 16 I met a boy who taught me that I didn’t have to have the physique of a tiny ballerina for him to find me beautiful. the thing about death is that it hurts everyone more than the person that it is affecting because in the end it isn’t the person dying who is left to pick up the pieces. for him every time he watched me vomit he could see how close I was to death when my bones were extruding out of my spine every time he watched me get undressed. you can’t fake a pain that I saw in his eyes that night when he watched me vomit for a week straight because I thought it was my time. you see the thing about being in love with someone is that the only thing you should be cutting cake on your wedding day, not cutting nooses hung from the ceiling and cutting through to your veins just to make sure every milligram of pain spills out. you are supposed to attend dates together, not attend one another’s funeral. the thing about tears are that they soak and soak and they get through everything. the thing about death is that you see it everywhere. I’m not vomiting like a ballerina anymore but sure as hell my tears are still soaking. he isn’t stroking my back anymore because I can’t stop making myself vomit, he’s stroking my back when we find out that things can spread faster through my body quicker than the wildfire he started in my heart one year ago.

- I think I’m soaking his pillows too much for him to even get comfortable on anymore.