Hi! This was requested by this Anon: #41 “Sometimes
I just can’t control myself when around you”(Morgan x Reader). In my head, this is a continuation of Concussion?
Also, I got the idea for this fic from a song. I deeply encourage you to listen to it before/while
you read to have a better idea of what I was trying to accomplish here: Roulette, by System of a Down.
Anyway, enough rambling! Enjoy! :)
You definitely wanted to
kill Derek this time! Thanks to his stupid stubbornness, he had put himself on
the line of fire… to protect you. How? Why? You had sworn he was on the other
side of the restaurant open parking lot when the shooting started. How had he
got to you that fast? And why did he feel the need to protect you like that?
Now, you were pacing the waiting room just outside the surgery ward
of the local hospital, hoping the doctors would be able to extract the bullet
out of the side of his abdomen, where the Kevlar didn’t quite cover him. You
had been the first one there since you had pretty much jumped inside the
ambulance, despite the paramedics saying it would be too crowded.
You didn’t care. You would have strapped yourself to the roof of the
vehicle so long as you were near him in that moment. He needed you. Or was it the other way around?
reminiscing the moment you were alone in the room, even though it felt like the
memories were making your heart ache more than it already was. It was the only
way to pass the time without drowning in your own tears. So, your brain
conjured up images for you to find some sort of solace in.
remembered the case that first made you think of Derek as more than just a
friend. There was something about going undercover with one of your best
friends while pretending to be a couple and then getting kidnapped because of
it that just changed the whole dynamic of the relationship.
came all of the friendly dinners at his or your place. It didn’t matter whether
you cooked something together or ordered take-out, it always ended with the
both of you on the couch talking until the wee hours of the morning. He made
you feel safe, which was your only justification for when you woke up with your
legs tangled up with his once and his strong arms around your torso, protecting
you from rolling off the couch.
feeling of safety never came, however, when you two went out for dinners or
movies. Those nights usually ended with you feeling painfully aware of the way
women stared and desired him; it would stir something inside of you that left
you feeling even worse about the whole situation. To top it all, since Derek
would put his arm around your waist, the women around the restaurant or theatre
would also give you angry looks. Little did you know, Derek did that so as to
keep men from staring at you, too.
you came home after any of those nights with him, you felt the same conflicting
thoughts you had the night of the case: was the relationship taking a new turn
or were you just confused?
treated you with the utmost of respects and made you feel good about yourself,
not only physically thanks to his comments and compliments, but also about your
skills at work. He would always go out of his way to instil confidence in you.
So why hadn’t he trusted you to do well this time around? Why did he think that
putting himself in danger was better than giving you some time to try and work
out a plan?
You were so preoccupied about the reasoning behind his actions, you
didn’t notice JJ and Spencer coming into the room. The
images flooding your mind also prevented you from realising that you were
destroying your nails, until JJ pointed it out.
‘Honey, if you keep biting your nails like that, you’re gonna draw blood,’
JJ warned you while she grabbed your hands. She pulled you out of your thoughts
and when your wild eyes landed on her beautiful blue ones, filled with concern
for her colleague and friend, you threw your arms around her neck and started
crying your heart out.
Once your sobs subsided a bit, she sat you down and went out of the
room to get you some tea, even though you said you didn’t want anything. You
sat there in silence, a few tears still falling from your eyes, as Spencer
paced like you had done before.
‘I don’t understand,’ he said, his voice rough with emotion. His
eyes moved rapidly, like when he was trying to figure out something related to
a case. ‘One second, he was next to me, taking cover behind a dumpster, and
then, the next thing I know, you are crying out for an ambulance as you are
trying to stop the bleeding!’
The genius was as stumped as you were, apparently. You were trying
to find your voice again to answer him when JJ came into the room, followed by
Rossi and Hotch.
‘Any news yet?’ Rossi asked, his gaze going from Spencer’s figure to
your puffy eyes. You shook your head, and the tears came back full force.
‘I’m going to go ask someone in the nurse’s office to see if they
can tell me anything,’ Hotch announced, needing to do something to keep him
‘I’m going to call Garcia. She must be going crazy in her office,’
Rossi said the minute your boss went out of the room.
Garcia! In your frenzy to get Derek help, the thought of calling her
hadn’t even crossed your mind. You were not
going to hear the end of it when you got back to the office.
Hours passed without any news, and everyone was getting restless.
Hotch had offered to stay while the rest of you went to get some sleep at the
hotel, but you all refused, relying on tea and coffee to keep you somewhat
You were finally dozing off on your chair, your head resting on
Rossi’s shoulder to your left, when the doctor finally came into the room.
‘Hello, I’m Dr Graham. I assume you’re agent Morgan’s colleagues,’
he said, his voice showing how exhausted he probably was, too.
‘Yes, I’m SSA Hotchner, his boss. How is he?’ Hotch said, getting
You didn’t get up; you didn’t have any strength left in you. You
felt time slow down while you waited for the doctor’s reply and then Spencer,
who was sitting on the chair to your right, grabbed your hand tightly in his,
clearly anxious for what you were about to hear.
‘He’s great, actually,’ relief washed over the entire team, as you
took a long breath, trying to calm your racing heart. ‘The surgery went
smoothly. The good news is that the bullet didn’t get stuck in his intestines,
which is what we had originally thought from the X-rays, and so we were able to
get it out no problem. He’s asleep now, so I suggest you come back later today
at 8 when visiting hours are open again. He’ll be out of the anaesthesia and
awake by then.’
‘Thank you so much, doctor,’ Hotch said and shook Graham’s hand,
before the man exited the room. Hotch then turned around. ‘You heard him. Let’s
go back to the hotel and get some sleep. We’ll be back here first thing in the
And he kept his promise. While the rest of the team headed down to
the police station to deal with the UnSub that had caused all of this chaos in
the first place, you and Hotch were waiting to be allowed into Derek’s room.
The nurse came out and let you in, saying that the doctor will be around
Hotch waited outside for the doctor to ask him a few questions while
you stepped into the still darkened room and softly moved to Derek’s right side
to sit down on the chair placed next to his bed. He slowly moved his head
towards the source of the noise and opened one of his eyes.
‘Hey, momma,’ he croaked and tried to smile at you. It was a little
strained, but the sentiment was there.
‘Hey,’ your voice wobbled, and you were unable to control your
emotions around him anymore, especially with him lying on a hospital bed.
‘No, no crying! Come on!’ he said, which caused him to cough a
little. You gave him water from the cup sitting on the bedside table. Once he’d
swallowed the liquid, he grabbed your hand and continued, ‘I’m so glad you’re okay.’
You had no time to reply because the doctor came in, checked on him
and gave him enough painkillers to doze a bull. So, you decided to come back
the next day when he didn’t need to be under the effects of such strong drugs.
The following day, you walked into his room while Spencer was there.
You two had stayed behind, since you didn’t have any families to get back to,
and would travel with Derek on the team’s jet, while everyone else had to fly
home on a regular plane. Thankfully, the flight was only a couple of hours long.
You must’ve interrupted something because Spencer had a frown on his
face that could’ve rivalled Hotch’s if he had been there. When you knocked on
the open door, he excused himself saying he needed a cup of coffee and left
abruptly, leaving a sighing Derek behind.
‘Hi, what happened? Did I interrupt something?’ you asked,
concerned. The two friends didn’t usually fight, unless you counted a few of their
prank wars that got out of hand.
‘No, he’ll come around eventually,’ he sighed one last time and
turned his gaze from the door to you. You couldn’t help but smile at him.
Despite the situation, he seemed a lot more energetic than the day before.
‘Has the doctor checked on you today?’
‘Yes, he said that, if everything is okay, I will probably be able
to fly home tomorrow afternoon with you guys,’ his big smile showed you just how
happy he was to be going home.
‘I’m going to your house and staying with you until you heal. I hope
you know that,’ you said, pointing a finger at him as you sat down on the chair
Spencer had been sitting on a few minutes ago.
‘Yes, ma’am, I know. And I hope you know that Garcia will be there,
too,’ he laughed.
‘Oh, I know. I called her this morning and we’ve already arranged
everything. She’s most definitely in your apartment cleaning right now.’
‘What? How? She doesn’t even
have a key,’ he said, confused.
‘But she does have a key
to my place…,’ you trailed off.
‘And you have a key to mine,’ he sighed again, figuring out the
The conversation went on for a while, until you inevitably ran out
of things to say since the only thought going through your head was about him
stepping in front of you during the shooting. Once the nurse assigned to check
on his vitals came and went, you decided to ask him what had been plaguing your
mind since that night.
‘Derek,’ he hummed to let you know he was listening. He had closed
his eyes a few minutes ago. ‘Why?’ you grabbed his hand as you said it.
‘What are you talking about, (Y/n)?’ he knew what you meant and was
trying to avoid the subject, which made you slightly angry.
‘Why did you step in front of me? You could’ve been killed,’ your voice
was tight, showing how worried he’d made you.
‘Do you really need to ask me that? Fine. I did it because the guy
was shooting directly towards you! You and JJ were being targeted, and I
wouldn’t have forgiven myself if I hadn’t done something,’ he explained as he
squeezed your hand, despite his sharp tone.
‘Still! You could’ve done something different instead of putting
yourself in front of me! What if the bullet had penetrated your intestines?
What if he had shot you anywhere else?’ He was silent as you got up and started
pacing in front of his bed, his eyes never leaving your body. ‘Do you think I
would’ve forgiven myself if you had got killed?’
‘What do you want me to say, (Y/n)? That I’m sorry? Because I’m not,
and you know damn well I don’t like lying, especially to you,’ his jaw was set,
but you couldn’t let it go just yet.
‘What was going through your head when you ran across the parking
lot to get to us?’ you had stopped moving and were standing at the end of his
‘That! All I could think was that I needed to get to you and that I needed to do something to
get you out of there. But…,’ he didn’t know how to word his next sentence.
‘You can tell me anything, Derek. That has always been the way our
relationship works. Complete honesty,’ you had moved and sat down on the chair
next to the bed again.
‘Yeah. Yeah, I know,’ he smiled briefly at you and for a minute he
got lost in your eyes. He cleared his throat before speaking again. ‘As I was
saying, I just knew that if I didn’t
run towards you, you were going to get hurt. I could feel in my gut, you know?
And I-I couldn’t let that happen. I don’t know why, but… sometimes I just
can’t control myself when I’m around you.’
That statement made your heart race, in the did-he-really-just-say-that kind of way.
‘It’s true! Ever since I met you, (Y/n), you… Whenever I see you,
you just take over my thoughts completely, like that,’ he snapped his fingers
to emphasise his point. ‘The other night, the possibility of you somehow
getting hurt clouded my mind and my judgement was definitely poor,’ his eyes
were earnest, and your throat got suddenly very, very dry. ‘Look, I’m sorry
that I made you and the rest of the team worried, but, as I said, I won’t
apologise for what I did. And I would do it again a hundred times because, as
long as you’re safe, I don’t care what happens to me.’
After a second of processing what he’d said, you decided to speak:
‘Well, you’d better start caring because I won’t have you do this
again, okay?’ you were surprised with how many tears your body was able to
produce in these past few days.
‘Alright, I’ll promise I won’t, if you also promise not to put
yourself in harm’s way again like that.’
‘Derek, with our job? Are you serious?’ you asked him, not quite
believing what he was saying.
‘It’s basically the same thing you’re asking me, so it’s only fair,’
he smiled, but the worry in his eyes didn’t disappear entirely.
‘Then, I promise,’ you said, wiping the few tears that had fallen
from your eyes.
‘Good. I promise, too,’ he told you as he opened his arms to give
you a hug.
Despite the tubes and his still healing wound, you hugged him as
tightly as you dared to. When you pulled away and looked him straight in the
eye, your heart jumped and then he kissed you on the forehead like he had done
that fateful night after the kidnapping. This time around, though, you knew
exactly what your accelerated heartbeat meant and you made a decision to tell
him how you truly felt when you got the chance.
But, he beat you to it:
‘How about dinner when I get back on my feet? You know, just the two
of us?’ his smile was almost back to normal, you noticed.
‘Derek, we always have
dinner together,’ you pointed out with a confused expression adorning your
‘Yeah, but how about we dress up and call it a date this time?’ even
though he was smiling, his eyes showed how worried he was that he might have
screwed everything up.
‘I’d love to,’ you replied, immediately.
‘Well, at least something good came out of all of this,’ you heard
Spencer’s voice say from the door.
‘What? Us dating? Why, thank you, pretty boy,’ Derek chuckled.
‘Nope. JJ now owes me twenty bucks. She thought (Y/n) was going to
be the one to ask you out,’ his smug grin made you laugh for the first time in
a couple of days.
I have a problem that I cannot explain, I have no reason why it should have been so plain, Have no questions but I sure have excuse, I lack the reason why I should be so confused,
I know, how I feel when I’m around you, I don’t know, how I feel when I’m around you, Around you,
Left a message but it ain’t a bit of use, I have some pictures, the wild might be the deuce, Today you saw, you saw me, you explained, Playing the show and running down the plane,
I know, how I feel when I’m around you, I don’t know, how I feel when I’m around you, I, I know, how I feel when I’m around you, I don’t know, how I feel when I’m around you, Around you, Around you, Around you…
Roulette, a Root/Shaw fanmix (from meeting each other to saying goodbye) - Listen
01. Touch and Go - Would You \ 02. Katrina Parker - Bad Things \ 03. Archive - Bridge Scene \ 04. The Neighbourhood - A Little Death \ 05. System of a Down - Roulette \ 06. Emilie Simon - Wicked Game \ 07. Ben Howard - Oats In The Water \ 08. Hollywood Studio Symphony - I Left Her Alone