roughly the size of a barge

Gaston’s Dozen Egg Quiche

 When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs ev'ry morning to help me get large          And now that I’m grown I eat five dozen eggs, so I’m roughly the size of a barge!

My what a guy, Gaston. Selfish, chauvinistic, brute. I could go on and on but I’ll spare you. In the song Gaston, there’s a running list of everything Gaston is better at than everyone in town and, quite frankly, it seems he’s the best at everything. What inspired me with this recipe is his love of eggs, he eats 5 dozen a day! Now I love eggs as much as the next guy, but 5 dozen a day? I’d probably quit halfway through the first day and never want to see another egg again. It also begs the question: how does he eat all of these eggs? Fried? Scrambled? Hard-boiled? Raw even? The answer is never really given, and I’m probably focusing on the wrong aspect of the movie as there is literally a castle with a Beast inside not too far away, but I was always curious. I was inspired to make a quiche, a French egg tart basically. It uses a lot of eggs, and I could load it up with bacon and sausage to give it another boost of protein for a guy as manly as Gaston. 

To start everything off, I needed to make pastry dough. I used my standard pie crust, but with the addition of paprika for an added boost of flavor. My crust has never failed me, is durable, and has the perfect amount of flakage…I don’t believe that’s an actual word, but I’m going to use it regardless. It starts with a cup and a quarter of flour, half a teaspoon of salt, and two teaspoons of paprika. Using a pastry cutter, cut in 2 sticks of cold butter, cut into cubes. The butter NEEDS to be cold to get that proper flakage (ok, I really enjoy this word.) When the butter gets to be in pea-sized chunks, drizzle in a quarter of a cup of ice water, ice removed. Bring the dough together, being careful not to over mix. Wrap in plastic wrap and chill for at least 30 minutes. 

When your dough has had time to rest, it’s time to roll it out and place it in a 9 inch spring-form pan. A 9 inch spring-form sounds like quite a large pan for a quiche, and normally yes I would agree, however, this is a dozen. egg. quiche. That’s a lot of eggs and I needed a dish large enough to hold not only all the eggs, but all of the other fillings as well. 

Once the dough is in the pan, you’re welcome to trim it now. I wait until after baking as it prevents uneven shrinking of the dough, but trimming at this stage is easier. Dock the dough by piercing it all over the bottom with a fork, place onto a baking sheet and bake for 10 minutes in a 350 degree oven. Allow to cool completely before adding the filling.

For this manly quiche, I went with a leek, bacon, sausage, and goat cheese approach. I started by sauteing 3 leeks, trimmed and washed meticulously, in some butter. Is there anything better than butter? No, there is not. Cook the leeks until they are nice and soft, but not browned. Season with salt and lay along the bottom of the crust. Next comes the bacon, fry up 4 slices of bacon, the thicker the better I always say, chop it up and sprinkle over the leeks. I could have stopped there, but I figured Gaston would need more meat than just bacon, so I added a pound of spicy Italian sausage. Cook the sausage until it’s nice and browned, then before adding to the quiche drain the excess grease off on paper towels. Last, but certainly not least, crumble 4 oz of goat cheese into the mix. Now for the star of the dish: the eggs. Crack one dozen eggs into a large measuring cup or mixing bowl and add a cup and a half of heavy cream. As you can see, this dish is light and diet-friendly. Whisk together with two teaspoons of salt and pour into the the crust. Cover the top with foil and bake at 350 for 40 min. After 40 min are up, remove the foil and bake an additional 35 minutes. Allow to cool before removing the springform lining. Et voila! A quiche as manly as Gaston! Now it only uses a dozen eggs, so he’d need 5 to meet his daily quota, but I think 1 is just enough for me. 


Gaston’s Dozen Egg Quiche

For the crust:

  • 1 ¼ cup flour
  • ½ tsp salt
  • 2 tsp paprika
  • 1 cup (2 sticks) butter, cold, cut into cubes
  • ¼ cup ice water
  1. Preheat oven to 350F
  2. Whisk together the flour, salt, and paprika.
  3. Using a pastry cutter, cut the butter into the flour until butter is the size of peas.
  4. Drizzle in ice water and bring together to form the dough.
  5. Wrap in plastic and chill for 30 minutes.
  6. Roll out the dough and lay it in a 9 inch springform pan. 
  7. Pierce the bottom of the dough with fork and bake for 10 minutes on a baking sheet.

For the quiche:

  • 12 eggs
  • 1 ½ cups heavy cream
  • 3 leeks, washed and chopped
  • 4 slices of thick cut bacon
  • 1 lb spicy Italian sausage
  • 4 oz goat cheese
  • 2 tsp salt
  1. Saute the leeks in butter over medium heat until soft, but not browned, and lay in the bottom of the crust.
  2. Fry up the bacon until crisp. Chop it up and sprinkle over the leeks.
  3. Cook up the sausage, drain, and add to the mix.
  4. Crumble the goat cheese over the rest of the ingredients.
  5. Crack eggs into a bowl and whisk with the cream. Season with salt and pour into the crust. 
  6. Cover with foil. Bake for 40 minutes. Remove foil and bake an additional 35. 
  7. Remove and cool before serving.