Today is the 6 year anniversary of Chris and I first "meeting" online.

6 years ago today I was sitting in a chat room, feeling sorry for myself and loathing the person I had become and just feeling broken and more lonely than I think I had ever felt and my IM chimed and I look down and I see this message….

“You sound like you’re really angry. You must be fat. Do you like Yodels?”

And that was it.

He made me laugh for some reason and he’s kept me laughing ever since.

Happy Chat Roomaversary…ASSHOLE.

July 20, 2009
  1. The word “tsunami” is not in my phone’s T9 dictionary, so if you ever get a text from me that says “Trumang!”, get the fuck off the beach.
    @sloganeerist (sloganєєrist) – 114
  2. Whoopi thinks the moon landing was faked? I hope this doesn’t damage all that credibility she built up as the center square.
    @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 107
  3. Ugh I have to write an autobiography?? STORY OF MY LIFE.
    @baileygenine (Bailey Siewert) – 97
  4. First rule of Seal Club is no crying when we say “club”.

    This means you, Jeremy.

    Second rule of Seal Club is no walruses.

    @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 83
  5. I only use extra virgin olive oil. Unsaturated fats really shouldn’t have a sexual history.
    @adamisacson (Adam Isacson) – 76
  6. “I just bought a pedometer.”

    “Cool. So how many child molesters are near you right now?”
    @abigvictory (Michele Catalano) – 73
  7. Well SOMEBODY used a scrapbooking knife to cut my face out of all our wedding photos.
    @fireland (Joshua Allen) – 70
  8. Everyone thinks Canadians are so nice and polite.


    Stage One is complete.

    Initiate Stage Two.

    Release the Moose Commandos.
    @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 68
  9. I like the idea of liking the idea better than I actually like the idea.
    @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 66
  10. I can’t dance, I love mayonnaise and I just maxed my Banana Republic credit card.
    These Whitestrips must be working.
    @gordonshumway (Jelisa Castrodale) – 65
  11. 1) Wake up
    2) Brush teeth
    3) Feed fish
    4) Take meds
    5) Notice pill in fishbowl & bad taste in mouth & wonder if I screwed up 3&4.

    @tj (TJ Luoma) – 61
  12. Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings. And every time you have sex, this one angel gets his binoculars.
    @aedison (Avery Edison) – 61
  13. Gnats are super attracted to me today. I’m a magnat.
    @awryone (Josh Donoghue) – 59
  14. My weekend did not contain nearly enough weekend.
    @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 58
  15. Q: What’s the difference between a pit bull and a hockey mom?
    A: The pitbull doesn’t blame the media for all its problems.
    @joeschmitt (Joe Schmitt) – 56
  16. My son told me how nobody at school would play with him last week. My pride swells to see him grow up in my own image.
    @roughdiction (RoughDiction) – 53
  17. Reading comic books in bed by flashlight.

    Still pretty awesome.
    @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 53
  18. Wife: “I’m pretty much as girly-girl as a girl can be. Except for drag queens. But then me.”
    @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 53
  19. FACT: The chances a large meteor will hit Earth is much less than the chances that another movie will be made about a large meteor.
    @joeschmitt (Joe Schmitt) – 51
  20. Today at the Zoo I saw a Lion & a Giraffe & a Rhino & a Zebra & an Elephant & at least 5 Cougars that my Wife wouldn’t let me pet.
    @OverlandParker (Michael Pierce) – 49
SnarkNYC was a blast

From start to finish, it was wonderful. I met some people I have followed and adored for a long time and everyone exceeded my expectations. There were people I haven’t seen for a while and new people I had no idea existed that were amazing too. I’m not going to name names because there are too many of you to mention but it was truly a pleasure talking and hugging all of you. And the fact that some of you said I was on your people-I-want-to-meet-tonight list, squeeee, so flattered I can’t tell you. 

And a special thank you to Michele and Chris for making it all possible. You guys totally rock and I can’t wait to see you again.

5 Great Tweets - @roughdiction

And now for 5 Great Tweets from a very funny Twitterer and borderline sociopath, @roughdiction:

Some interesting facts I learned at the children’s museum, lightning bugs are actually beetles and I hate children.

She said if I buy the batteries and don’t talk until she is finished, I can take credit for the orgasm.

My girlfriend gives the best back rubs; the kind where she uses her mouth on my dick.

If loving her this way is wrong, I sure hope she doesn’t wake up.

A kid was hitting me with his toy for 15 minutes. I would never hurt a child but I was impressed how well his mom took a punch to the face.

Follow Christopher on Twitter here.

Oh Snark, I love you!

  • Almost as much as I love bullet points.
  • I managed to be in approximately five pictures. I never remember to take pictures of you bitches. I will post them in a little bit.
  • I only tongued Cherilyn. So she should feel special.
  • Somehow I’m in the same town with the Internet all weekend and only manage to see them for a few hours at the bar. I need to socialize more. 
  • I did bring my cleavage just for Donald
  • It is impossible to heart Michelle as much as I do.
  • I may or may not have made plans with Chris to run away together. Don’t worry Torgny will take care of Michelle if I do. 
  • I met a ton of you but still didn’t get to meet the a ton. That last part makes me sad. 
  • Really need to not let the boys pick out my shoes. 
  • I kicked over a chair and yelled “FUCK MY SPANX” more than once.