cishet girl who has only seen season 7: oh honey, oh honey, me? like drag race? hunty I’m literally a drag expert mama your edges can’t take this knowledge miss thing okurr oh yall wanted a twist? fuck me in the pussy with a rake mom
In first year, the first time the five boys ever walked into their new home for the next seven years, could have been mayhem. But they had all eaten muchhhh too much food and so the fighting and mucking around was, thankfully kept to a minimum.
Sirius immediately dived onto the bed furthest from the door, not even bothering to unpack or undress before falling into a wriggly sleep. James bagged the bed next to him, mostly because it was also next to the window with the best view of the Quidditch pitch. Peter managed to sneak the bed next to James. Remus just lay down and quietly closed the curtains on another bed, far away from any window views that may show a certain grey orb.
The next morning, however, everyone in the room was woken at 5 in the morning by James jumping up and down on his bed and running around the dorm in a nervous/ over-excited state.
Sirius tries to keep his bed as messy as possible, it was a strange way he used to piss his mother off at home, but his aristocratic nature glitters through sometimes and some of the boys can catch him plumping his pillows or straightening the sheets occasionally. He also leaves his pyjamas under his pillow each morning but mention it and you’ll get hexed. He is usually pretty good at cleaning up after himself and he always has his clothes in the right places, oh, except for his underwear, for some reason that just ends up everywhere?? under the bed, on the floor, in the shower, in James’ bed??? But other than that and the fact that he keeps trying to do homework in his bed and spills ink everywhere every time, he’s pretty good.
You would be proud of James if you saw his area, all nice and clean, nothing lying around… and then you would look a little closer. Every. single. item. he owns is jammed either under the bed, in his trunk, in the bedside table. I mean stuffed, it’s dirty and disgusting and packed full the brim and there is a funny smell coming from one part??? But somehow he just knows where everything is. Quidditch robes? Sticks his hand into the pile at the top of the bed and out they come. Borrow a quill? Sticks his hand into a jar rolled under a mound of unfolded clothes and out comes three. He does it in that way mums do with their purses, because you know.. he’s mum friend™. You don’t need to hide anything when it’s such a jumble only you can understand it.
Peter tried to copy James with his piles of shit, but it really stressed him out so he had to go and fold everything after like half an hour. He is the only cleaner in the room, going around picking dirty towels and clothes up off the floor for people. All his stuff organised and well kept and very aesthetically pleasing for some reason? He also always seems to have food somewhere, usually bedside table draw that he will pull out whenever it is needed, which is a lot.
Overall our boys do pretty well, nothing too unhygienic, pretty clean considering they are teenage boys.. oh wait I forgot Remus.
Remus is a fucking disaster. Like actually helpless/useless. His crap is e.v.e.r.y.w.h.e.r.e… except his bed. Ties on top of beds, shirts all over the floor every time, trousers hanging on the shower, hairbrush where his toothbrush should be, jumper on the outside of the window??? I mean he just can’t even get it together enough to find his own set of clothes because god knows where he threw his shit last night so mostly he just wears James’ school uniform until he is too embarrassingly tall for it and then every morning James has to dive into the shit and pull out Remus’ stuff from under the carpet or tangled in the drapes while Remus lies face down on the pillow and refuses to get up. He keeps his bag nicely packed but that is it. Also used to keep a massive stash of chocolate under his bed but he forgot it was there one day and it all melted and was fucking gross so now Peter looks after it for him.
Shower routine is James at like 4am because dis boy does not sleep and goes running when you shouldn’t. Peter is usually next, he gets up in time to have a nice shower. Remus usually doesn’t bother in the morning because he can barely make it to breakfast. Sirius takes a year in the shower every morning but may start crying if you leave without him so you just have to pound on the door and hope he can hear you over his singing. it’s dreadful btw.
The boys usually convene on James’ bed but once they are too big to lay on top of each other on it, they make a cute little circle in the middle to sit up and plan pranks/eat snacks with one of Remus’ mini, not flammable fires in the centre of them.
James once tried to fly his broom in the dorm on a dare and broke Peter’s bed.
Remus once fell asleep on the steps in front of the dorm because.. he is Remus and it was almost a full moon, so the boys just draped him in blankets and left him there.
There about fifty stains in places you can’t even imagine all over the room and they were all Sirius.
Peter sticks sticky notes and pictures and sheets of parchment all over the walls all the time.
There are numerous scorch marks in the ceiling. Enough said.
From fourth year they have an ‘if the curtains are drawn don’t open them’ rule because James tried to get into Sirius’ bed to chat about three times without noticing that Sirius was in bed with Remus and was deeply offended that they were scheming without him until he realised they weren’t doing much talking…..
there were also many other instances of each of them walking in on each other in very private situations with other people because all four boys were much too comfortable with each other.
they then had to instigate a no walking around the dorm naked rule because Sirius kept doing it when there were girls in there.
They all carved their initials into their bedposts in 6th year and then went back and added ‘i solemnly swear that I am up to no good.’ on James headboard and ‘mischief managed.’ on Sirius’ in 7th year. it was that lucky guess that let fred and george guess the marauder’s map passwords
the window sill is semi-permanently covered in cigarette and joint butts.
Sirius left about a thousand lipstick stains on the mirror.
Lily kept leaving her shampoo in the shower in the seventh year and Peter liked it so much he wouldn’t give it back.
They all share one spray on deodorant for some reason?
They had a routine of not going to sleep until every one of them was back. They also said ‘goodnight’ to each other every night with out fail, no matter how bad the argument or problem.
They were basically so comfortable, so in-sync with each other that you would have walked into the Gryffindor boys room and thought it was a family.