room temperature

  • Reyes: Oxton. This is a secure channel. Only you can hear me, Strike Commander Morrison and Captain Amari don't know about this conversation. Listen carefully. Once Null Sector is neutralized I need you to do something very important for me in London, and you absolutely cannot reveal that I asked you to do it until the job is complete.
  • Tracer: what is it luv?
  • Reyes: I need you to take Jesse McCree to a pub and film his reaction when he finds out you Brits serve beer at room temperature.
Random joke magic items

Here’s a list of random joke items to use for fun in your campaign. I’d recommend adding them to treasure hoards rather than subbing normal items for them.
Anyway here they are:

1. Ace of Spades - An ace of spades from a standard card deck. No matter where you store it on your body, you will always be able to find it in your right sleeve afterwards.

2. Amulet of Extra Amulet Slot - This amulet allows you to gain the benefit from two magical amulets rather than one. It cannot be further enchanted.

3. Amulet of Feather Fall - When worn, this amulet turns into a feather and falls to the ground.

4. Amulet of Unbreaking Bones - Con-man says you can’t break any bones. Really, he means other’s bones. -100% damage against skeletons.

5. Amulet of weather detection - yells that it is or is not raining.

6. Anti-Matches - A box of matches. Striking one will make it begin to drip water from the tip while the match shrivels away. The amount of water a match releases is about enough to fill a tablespoon.

7. Arrow of Euarere - A silver arrow, suspended on a string. It always points to the person holding the string.

8. Arrow of Slaying, The - This magical arrow is capable of killing a creature.

9. Artist’s Bludgeon, The - Inanimate objects hit with this bludgeon will receive no damage; they will however change color.

10. Attentive Guardsman’s Pike - These ornate and deadly-looking ceremonial pikes are reach weapons and appear to weigh at least 20 lbs, not counting the weight of the fluttering banners that can be unfurled for parade use. Constructed of shadowstuff, they weigh one pound, and inflict only a single point of damage on an attack, being almost entirely for show, although they also have the unique property of remaining in place when set (although unable to support more than 20 lbs), allowing a ‘resting his eyes’ guardsman to prop it up and leave it standing under its own power, while his hand sags off of it.

11. Attentive Guardsman’s Tabard - A dozen of these tabards were fashioned for palace guardsmen in the Empire of Sard, 250 miles from the nearest enemy. The bearer is placed under a glamour that causes him to appear alert and awake, even if his eyes are closed and he is snoring lightly.

12. Axe of Big Numbers - This axe shouts “Big numbers baby, come on!” whenever it is swung, but always deals 1 damage or less.

13. Axe of Empathy - Every time you hit something with this +5 greataxe, you get dealt an equal amount of damage. Both you and the thing you hit are then healed the amount of damage dealt by the axe, even if either are dead. The Axe hopes you have learned your lesson.

14. Axe of Pain - The axe is always moaning and groaning with pain.

15. Bag of Faerie Gold - This sack appears to be full of gold coins and jewels. When one attempts to spend them, however, the glamour on them soon vanishes, revealing them to be nothing but leaves and pebbles. Obviously, most shopkeepers will not be happy about this, and no amount of ‘we didn’t know, I swear!’ will change their mind.

16. Bag of Holding - This item functions as a normal backpack, however when attempting to retrieve an item, a calm female voice tells them there is a wait time of 4d10 minutes before they can retrieve their item (actual time is stated time plus 6d6 additional minutes). During this wait, the bag plays either annoying muzak or advertisements for the bag’s creator’s other products/services. Upon attempting to retrieve an item, there is a chance that the wrong item is retrieved, or that the intended item is simply missing. Obtaining the original item requires an additional 4d10+6d6 minutes and has only a 5% chance of success.

17. Bag of Trading - You can take one thing out of the bag for each object you put in the bag. However, you have no control over what you get, and there are no trade-backs. Past research seems to imply there’s some sort of correlation to what gets you what, but it’s extremely convoluted and far from understood.

18. Bag of Trick - This bag operates like a Bag of Tricks, except it only works once a week and produces a rat each time it is used.

19. Bag of Unholding - Quite a large backpack but even the smallest item doesn’t fit.

20. Bagpipe of Stealth - Grants the user invisibility as long as it is being played.

21. Ball of Eyes - A snow-globe filled with miniature eyeballs. When shaken, it grants the user a blurry, jittery vision of some future event.

22. Banana Walkie-Talkies - There exist two, and only two, of these items in the world. One of which is possessed by a cranky and lonely half-orc. It appears to be an innocuous wooden banana with a coat of faded yellow paint. When an end (doesn’t matter which one) is placed against your ear, you can hear a ringing followed by a click and a half-orc yelling at you for waking him up at this ungodly hour. If you drop the banana or “hang up,” the call ends. If you stay and listen, the half-orc will yell at you, call out obscenities, and start going on about his daily problems and mishaps in his love life. Every so often (2% chance/day), the banana will ring while you are sleeping and the half-orc will want to talk to you about his problems.

23. Barrel of Holding - This large wooden barrel measuring √(12/π) feet in diameter and 5 feet in height can hold up to 15 cubic feet of matter.

24. Beam Sword of Severed Nerves - A beam sword. It cannot cut anything but nerve strings. Will pass through any other material leaving no harm.

25. Belt of Pants - This belt creates illusory pants on the wearer. The wearer can suppress the illusion at will

26. Belt of Tightening - Every time you put this belt on, all of your clothes permanently shrink a fraction of a millimeter. The effect is compound.

27. Belt of Unbathed Breath - When worn around the waist, allows the user to breathe underwater. Does not function when wet.

28. Boogie Skeleton - This pile of bones is small, such as one that might be obtained from a bird or a toad, though it can look as though it came from any creature. When a song is sung or played in the vicinity of the skeleton, it begins to dance appropriately. As soon as the music stops, it collapses into the pile of bones again. The skeleton, when dancing, can be no larger than Diminutive.

29. Book of Canon - A book that automatically transforms into a copy of the sacred text of any religion, translated into the language the user is most familiar with.

30. Book of Confusion - The letters in this book always appear to be upside down, even if viewed from different directions at the same time. The book is a bad novel about zombies.

31. Book of Curses - When opened, the book verbally berates anyone in the immediate vicinity, calling into question their combat ability, intellect, personal hygiene, lineage and profession of their mothers, and other delightful insults. Once closed the book continues shouting (although it is muffled) until placed inside a bag or some other similar container for 1d4+1 minutes and ignored. Replying to the book in any other way causes the insults to get louder and more childish the more time you spend replying to it.

32. Book of Exalted Deeds - Contains a listing of some of the finest houses ever sold and the specifics of the titles to the properties.

33. Boots of Blinding Speed - The wearer’s speed is doubled, and they are blinded.

34. Boots of Levitation - These boots levitate a few inches off the ground when not worn.

35. Boots of Stylishness - Knee high black boots that are always clean and shiny. They never take in water, thus feet are always dry.

36. Boots of Teleportation - Allows the player to teleport wherever they like, but don’t carry the wearer with them when activated; the boots teleport just fine, though.

37. Boots of Walking - The wearer of the boots cannot run, nor can he take a double move action, and takes a -5 to Tumble checks. These boots are made for walkin’, and that’s just what they’ll do.

38. Bottle of Air - It’s a bottle. Full of air. Congratulations.

39. Bottomless Beer Mug - Any liquid poured into this mug treats the bottom as incorporeal, but solid objects don’t.

40. Bowl of Comfortable Warmth - Any liquid in the bowl will feel comfortably warm, so icy cold water will feel like it’s a bit over room temperature. Do note, however, that it’s still icy cold water, it just feels warmer.

50. Breastplate of Secret Detection - If the wearer of this breastplate gains a piece of information that is somehow connected to the concealment of a hidden conspiracy or plot, a live and still wet red herring forms on the inside of the armor.

51. Bullying Gloves - At random intervals, these gloves instil the wearer with a near-irresistible urge to hit themselves.

52. Bunyan’s Belt - When worn, causes an enormous, bushy black beard to appear on the wearer’s face.

53. Cape of Resistance - When this item is placed on any living thing it somehow manages to fall off, untie itself, slip past the owner’s neck entirely, or otherwise avoid being worn.

54. Case of the Litigator - Translates any document placed in the case into legal jargon; non-reversible. Does not confer the ability to understand legal jargon.

55. Cat of Schrodinger - When this cat is not being observed in any way it is both dead and alive. When something observes it, it suddenly becomes either dead or alive with a 50% chance of either.

56. Chair of Steadiness - This chair can be moved but cannot be tipped over by anything less than a DC 35 Strength check.

57. Charles - This small, unremarkable figurine of a gnome refuses to be called anything but Charles. No other name will leave the lips of the speaker. It has no other powers.

58. Chime of Interruption - This instrument can be struck once every round, which takes a standard action. On any round the chime is activated the user may ready one action without spending an action to do so.

59. Chime of Opening - Commonly affixed to or near doors, when pressed it emits a sound on the interior of the owner’s home to let them know guests have arrived.

60. Chime of Opening (Alternate) - When struck against a solid surface, this chime emits a loud click, and opens along its length, to reveal a tiny compartment adequate to conceal a single 'smoke’ worth of pipeweed or a blowgun needle. When the compartment is closed, it is seamless and can be detected only with a DC 20 Search check. If hit with an instrument such as a small mallet, it chimes.

61. Cloak of Billowing - This black and silver cloak will always billow dramatically behind the wearer, it has no other effects.

62. Cloak of Displacement, Minor - This item appears to be a normal cloak, but when worn by a character its magical properties distort and warp reality. When any attack is made against the wearer the cloak has a 20% chance of falling off, no matter how it is secured.

63. Compacting hammer - The force imparted by it is multiplied, but is spread around the surface of a struck object facing inward.

64. Cymbal of Symbols - This musical instrument enables the user to comprehend dead languages, but only while they are deafened by noise.

65. Dagger of Told Secrets - A simple-looking dagger. If used to backstab someone to death, it will whisper your most embarrassing secret to that person.

66. Dagger of unnatural sharpness - The blade is exceptionally sharp to your touch. It confers no combat bonuses but can be used as a normal dagger for fighting or crafting, but the user seems to always cut himself in minor ways when using it.

67. Dagger of Untold Secrets - A simple looking dagger. If used to backstab someone to death, it will whisper the most embarrassing secret of that person to you.

68. Decanter of Endless Sorrow - A pewter flask that produces limitless alcohol when held to their lips by someone who is troubled. It gets them drunk but they never feel any better.

69. Diadem of Brothaurity - When wearing this headpiece, you are as elegant and well-spoken as a famous diplomat or regent, but you can’t stop calling everyone bro.

70. Enchanted Book of Collected Stories - Opening this will cause miniature creatures/people to pour out and perform a chapter from the book much like a theater.

71. Focusing Ring - The digit on which this ring is worn can be viewed in extremely high definition from a great distance.

72. Gloves of Tinkering - Wearing the gloves will make you able to almost repair any broken item. However, you will always end up with pieces from the item that don’t seem to fit anywhere.

73. Glowing sword of orc detection - When it gets orc blood on it the sword glows.

74. Good Luck ring - Gives your enemies good luck!

75. Greater Staff of Random Summoning - Summons a random creature at a random place. You could be summoning a giant Ogre on the other side of the globe for all you know.

76. Helm of Awareness, The - The wearer is acutely aware of the fact that they are wearing this helmet and that it has a magical effect. - All you need to do to make this work as a DM is frequently remind the player that the helm is magical while they are wearing it but be evasive about exactly what it does.

77. Hoarder’s Wand - Does nothing but for some reason you think it might be important later in your quest.

78. Hood of Offensive Facades - This hood will change your identity in the eyes of others to the appearance of the person they most personally dislike.

79. Hood Of Worrisome Facades - This hood will change your identity in the eyes of others, however the identity used will be random.

80. Indestructible Notebook of Memories - This otherwise normal notepad of normal notepad size cannot be damaged or destroyed, and anything written in it cannot be obscured or defaced. It also has unlimited pages despite its finite size. However, the data it holds only lasts as long as the writer independently remembers it, and decays in exact proportion to the relevant memories. Remember who and when, but not where? Then the words describing the location in that particular entry are the only ones gone.

81. Intransigent Rod - When the button on this artifact is pressed in, the holder’s opinions solidify and they become impossible to convince.

82. Key to anywhere - opens any door into a closet with a water bucket that falls and hits the player’s head. Inside this closet is the treasure of true adventurers. If opened with a key, it opens a closet…

83. Lunch Box of Delicious Unfulfillment - This lunch box will hold whatever food you desire. However you will never get full and the food will deliver no nourishment.

84. Mask of Concealment - Hides the wearer’s face and conceals everything from them by blocking their eyes! Bonus points for requiring a strength check or a time limit to expire to be removed.

85. Mattress of Poverty, The - No matter how you fluff this gorgeous, thick, mattress, you will always sleep on the thin part of it.

86. Mug O’ Dissatisfaction - A mug that always produces a steaming hot cup of coffee or tea when tapped on the bottom. It conjures the opposite of what the tapper prefers, so if you like tea you get coffee and vice versa. Handing the full mug to another person will make the drink in it transform to the opposite of that person’s preferences.

87. Murder Dagger - All damage it would deal is instead replaced by the target being harassed by crows for that many hours.

88. Needle Of Learned Compromise - This needle will create beautiful tattoos of any design, however they hurt a tiny bit more. When used to sew it is entirely normal.

89. Portable Dark Tavern Corner - Consisting of two wooden boards connected by a hinge, this artifact draws those nearby into assuming it is a perfect spot to conduct seedy business.

90. Potion of fire breathing - For the length of time that the potion is in effect, every breath out is on fire, whether you want it to be or not.

91. Potion of Quelchment - Cures thirst when consumed

92. Ring of Fire Detection - becomes warm when placed into Fire.

93. Ring of First Impression - Wearing the ring will make you able to perform a perfect handshake with the hand wearing it.

94. Ring of Stoneskin - Turns your skin, muscles, and organs into stone! Character is now a stationary statue. Can’t be reversed until someone takes the ring off.

95. Rope of Entanglement - Becomes entangled when left in a pack

96. Sack of Hive Eggs - Crushing one of the numerous tiny eggs will cause the thoughts of everybody in the proximity to merge. Everybody can hear what you think and you can hear everybody.

97. Shirt of fire protection - this shirt is sopping wet.

98. Shoes of the Restless Traveler - These shoes allow their user to run for miles without feeling fatigue, but if they try to do anything else with it (walk, sit down, jump), they will instantly trip

99. Sword of Parrying - Parries every attack, swinging it yourself will force it to “parry” your opponent’s weapon/attack even though he/she/it is defenseless.

100. Torch of Night Vision - grants bearer Night Vision while lit.

101. Vorpal Grindstone - It can “sharpen” any object to become vorpal. Any object.

102. Wand of command - Lets your character be controlled after saying the command word!

103. Wand of Create Wand of Create Wand - Creates a Wand of Create Wand. Consumes original Wand.

104. Wand of Pigeon Summoning - summons 1d20 pigeons everyday. On a 20 it breaks and summons a giant pigeon god (can be the size of Godzilla or like 5 pigeons.) Giant pigeon god should be in the mid 20s for CR, but is uninterested in attacking, and will simply fly away when summoned.

105. Water Hat, The - A small red hat, when worn, causes water to pour from the wearer’s fingers at the speed and pressure of a kitchen faucet at half power.

106. Wineskin of the Eternal Primary - This wineskin never runs out of water, but even the tiniest sip makes you have to go potty, like, super bad. Right now.

The Signs and Love:

Aries: You love closely and warmly. Everything you love is forcibly wrapped in tin foil with the power of your will alone.

Taurus: You are a nervous lover. As in, you are a lover who has a nervous system, you know synapses and all that.

Gemini: You have a heart of gold and a face of gallium. Your face melts at room temperature into a glistening silvery puddle. 

Cancer: It can be difficult to make you smile, but when you do its gorgeous. Consider not sewing your lips shut every morning.

Leo: A bold and passionate lover. Just make sure that what you’re hitting on is in fact alive. 

Virgo: A dangerous lover. A lover on the edge. Someone who can only feel affection while on an adrenaline high, like when skydiving. 

Libra: When it comes to love you think too much. If they said they like you, they probably like you.

Scorpio: Tsundere.

Ophiuchus: A clever lover. While you may think you have a good solution for every problem, too many of them involve systems of pulleys. Its freaking your significant other out. 

Sagittarius: You are a true and loyal lover. Treachery is met with a swift death.

Capricorn: You love like steel toes. Thrilling, dramatic, and often a source of testicular pain.

Aquarius: An elegant lover, all fall before your mere voice. Thats when you tie their shoes together and steal their wallets. 

Pisces: A cute lover. Adorable really. Ignore the hunting knife.

Lesson 21: Plant Care 101

By: Chief Moderator Bee

Live Lesson: 2/24/17 @ 7:00PM

Summary: This lesson provides a basic overview of the knowledge a beginner will need to successfully grow plants. It is not intended to be a class on green witchcraft specifically, though there may be elements of witchcraft incorporated.

ANATOMY OF A PLANT

  • Shoot system: portion of plant above ground
  • Root system: portion of plant below ground
  • Flower: the reproductive organs of a plant, consists of modified leaves
  • Bud: site of new growth
  • Node: point where leaf diverges from stem
  • Leaf: photosynthetic organ, consists of blade and petiole
  • Root: anchors plant and provides water and nutrients from soil

PLANT NEEDS

  • Sunlight
    • Plants require sunlight for photosynthesis. The amount required per plant is variable, but most prefer medium or indirect light. In the Northern Hemisphere, a southern or southwest window provides the most light, followed by east windows or bright spots in sunny rooms, followed by a north window (not preferred).
  • Water
    • Plants also require water. Again, this varies widely, but the most common watering frequency is 1-2 times per week. I personally prefer the finger test, which is simply sticking your finger about 1” into the soil and checking for dryness. If the soil is totally dry, water the plant thoroughly. Thorough watering should allow water to drip from the bottom of the plant, in order to ensure sufficient saturation. In addition, many plants will benefit from a humid environment.
  • Soil
    • There are many different types of soil, but a few are more common than others. Potting soil, topsoil, garden soil, succulent/cactus soil, seed starter mix, compost, and orchid soil are the most common. Potting soil is soil that has been mixed to provide the best environment for potted plants. Garden soil is usually topsoil with compost or manure added, and should NOT be used in pots, as it is very dense. Topsoil is simply the first layer of soil. Succulent/cactus soil has sand added, seed starter mix is used to grow seedlings, compost is almost entirely decaying organic matter, and orchid soil is formulated with bark and moss to ensure healthy orchid growth.
  • Space/Container
    • Proper spacing of plants is most important in outdoor gardens, to ensure room to grow and proper air circulation. With potted plants, the container itself is most important. A container should be large enough for the plant, with room to grow, and have at least one drainage hole in the bottom. Clay readily absorbs water, and is preferred for many plants to prevent them from sitting in water. Plastic and metal are also very common, as is glass jars and bottles. I frequently re-purpose containers as plant pots (and it gives me an excuse to have ice cream).
  • Circulation
    • In order to prevent mold and other fungi, proper air circulation is necessary. It will also help strengthen a young plant. Keep in mind, strong winds can harm plants.
  • Warmth
    • Plants enjoy warmth. Many will be fine at room temperature, but some prefer more or less – research accordingly. Warmth is most important for seeds and seedlings, because they use the heat to tell when it’s time to germinate. I typically wrap my seedling in a heating pad to encourage germination.

PLANTING SEEDS

When planting seeds, not only should you read the seed packet for information, but do your own research! Google is your new best friend, if it wasn’t already. Seeds vary in preferred depth, soil type, soil density, spacing, warmth, and water, so keep this in mind. Knowing where the plant is from and the general climate there can be very helpful! For example, rosemary is Mediterranean, so it likes lots of sun, somewhat sandy soils, warm temperature, and little water. You don’t have to go memorize average daily rainfall in that region, but it helps to have a general idea.

MAINTENANCE

Maintenance is fairly simple. Outside of the basic needs of a plant, there are a few more to look for. As a plant grows, the root system will grow too. A plant can become “root bound” if it outgrows a pot, which can be very unhealthy, though some plants are more tolerant than others.

To repot, gently lift the plant up by pinching the base and wiggling the plant carefully to help the roots loosen from the soil. You can use your fingers to work the dirt clumps out of the roots, if necessary. If the plant is really stuck, press your hand flat against the soil, with the stem of the plant between your thumb and first finger. Flip the pot upside down (expect a small rain of loose earth) and give the bottom of the pot a sharp smack. Be ready for the weight of the plant to suddenly shift when it comes out! Then you can proceed to loosen the roots and repot. After you’ve gotten the plant itself out, replant it in a larger pot and bury to cover the roots. Most plants won’t mind having part of their stem buried as well, but some get fussy, so keep that in mind.

The other main maintenance that should be done is pruning. Pruning encourages the axillary buds to grow, creating a new branch where the leaf was cut. Many plants require pruning to be fully healthy. For non-woody plants, simply use a sharp knife, scissors, or your nails (wash your hands!) to cut the leaf away as close to the stem as possible. Wait a bit, and you will likely see a new branch! You can also cut the stem above a node to encourage growth. Depending on the growth pattern, you may get one, two, or even more new branches. In addition, some plants benefit from flower pruning (to encourage growth rather than fruiting) or deadheading (removing dead flower heads to encourage new ones). For example, it is recommended that the flowers immediately be plucked from strawberries in their first year, to encourage them to grow “daughter” plants and result in a larger crop next year.

PROPAGATING

Propagating is the means of producing new plants. There are various methods, but seeds, cuttings, and offshoots are the most common.

Seeds are easy, but require time or money. It takes time for a mature plant to produce seed, plus they need to be pollinated either by hand or by bees or other pollinators, so this may not be ideal.

Cuttings are popular as an “instant gratification” method (my favorite!). Simply take a cutting of a plant by slicing above the node of the stem. The chosen cutting should have several sets of leaves for best results, and it should be a segment of new growth (especially important in woody plants) with no flowers. Pinch or cut off all but a few pairs of leaves near the top, leaving 2-3 bare nodes. Place in water or soil. For water, replace every few days to replenish dissolved oxygen. For soil, keep moist, but not wet. I personally prefer water because I can easily track development, but some claim better success with soil. If using soil, sometimes a rooting hormone may be applied to encourage root growth.

Offshoots are new baby plants that have grown from the root system, stem, or rhizome of an adult plant. To propagate using them, wait until they have several sets of leaves, then use the methods described in the segment about repotting (Maintenance) to expose the roots. With a clean knife, carefully cut the baby plant away from the parent, making sure that it receives a portion of the roots. If the plant has a rhizome, cut so that the baby plant gets a small portion of the rhizome. Repot using previously discussed methods. If the rhizome is large, you can allow it to heal for a few days by setting it in a cool, dry place. This can help prevent infection or rot, but is not a requirement.

Propagating succulents is quite similar to propagating cuttings, though some, like aloe, produce offshoots called pups. In the case of propagating succulents from leaves, only some are fit for this. Use succulents whose leaves pop off easily. Select a healthy, whole leaf and pop it off, then let it sit on soil (not in!). Ignore it for a while and eventually it will produce new roots! For pups, treat them like offshoots (they are a type of offshoot), but do not water for at least a week after repotting. This encourages healthy root development.

TROUBLESHOOTING

Diagnosing plants can be tricky. Below are some common symptoms and potential causes. Be sure to research the plant in question, as some plants are more susceptible to certain illnesses, pests, or conditions.

  • YELLOWING LEAVES – too much/not enough light, high temperature, root bound
    • YOUNG LEAVES – not enough light, overfertilization, mineral deficiency
    • OLD LEAVES – overwatering, natural aging, root bound, root rot, major element deficiency
  • DEAD OR YELLOW SPOTS ON LEAVES – fungal, bacterial, or viral infection, fluoride toxicity, pesticide damage
    • IRREGULAR – pesticide damage, cold water damage, thrips, air pollution
  • MOSAIC PATTERN ON LEAVES – viral infection, high temperature, pesticide damage, major element deficiency
  • VERY DARK, LIMP LEAVES – cold/frostbite injuries, crushing, bacterial infection
  • SMALL LEAVES – low light (in conjunction with spindly stem), too much/not enough fertilizer, low humidity, root rot
  • LEAVES FALLING OFF – overfertilization, overwatering, cold injuries, low light, root rot, natural cycle
  • WILTED/DROOPING LEAVESoverwatering, underwatering (soil pulling away from side of pot), overfertilization, root rot, stem rot, root bound
  • ABNORMAL SUBSTANCE ON LEAF
    • WHITE, POWDERY – powdery mildew
    • BLACK, PATCHY – sooty mold
    • STICKY – insect activity, natural secretion by plant
  • STEM ROTTED – fungal or bacterial disease
    • AT SOIL LINE – overwatering
    • ABOVE SOIL LINE – sunburn
  • TALL, THIN STEM – not enough light
  • SLOW GROWTH – not enough light, compacted soil, too much/not enough fertilization, too much/not enough water, root rot
  • NO ROOTS – unsuccessful cutting
  • ROOTS CLOSE TO SURFACE – hot surface, overwatering, compacted soil, erosion
  • DARK, LIMP ROOTS – overwatering, overfertilization, root rot


PLANTS FOR BEGINNERS

BASILOcimum basilicum, 6-8 hours full sun, frost sensitive, likes warm conditions, easy to grow from seed or cuttings, likes moist (not wet!) soil


SNAKE PLANTSanseveria trifasciata, indestructible, rhizomatous, drought tolerant, neglect tolerant, medium indirect light (perfect indoor/bathroom plant!), propagate through offshoots or leaf cuttings


ALOEAloe vera, 6-8 hours indirect sunlight, sunburn sensitive, frost sensitive, prone to root rot, needs cactus/succulent soil, picky about water (water when dry to 1.5”-2”/3.5-5 cm), propagate through pups


WANDERING JEWTradescantia zebrina, I DIDN’T NAME THIS, 4-6 hours full/indirect sun, likes warm conditions, overwatering tolerant (avoid watering directly on leaves), propagates easily through cuttings


ROSEMARYRosmarinus officinalis, 6-8 hours full sun, likes warm conditions, frost sensitive, somewhat drought tolerant, prone to root rot, prone to powdery mildew, difficult to grow from seed, grows somewhat readily from cuttings


LAVENDER – Lavandula angustifolia, 6-8 hours full/indirect sunlight, prefer warm conditions, frost sensitive, overwatering sensitive, prefer drier conditions, somewhat difficult to grow from seed, grows somewhat readily from cuttings


MINTSMentha spp.(piperita –peppermint,spicata– spearmint),MUST BE POTTED, WILL TAKE OVER GARDEN, prune regularly, full sun/partial shade, likes somewhat moist soil, grows extremely rapidly, somewhat difficult to propagate from seed, propagates easily through cuttings


SAGESalvia officinalis, prefers warm conditions, 6-8 hours full/indirect sun, likes pruning, somewhat drought tolerant, somewhat difficult to grow from seed, propagates readily from cuttings


Thank you!

Sweat [M]

Pairing: Hoseok x reader x Yoongi

Summary: It’s a hot summer day and your boyfriends have an unorthodox method of trying to keep you cool.

Genre:  smut, pure smutty threesome, goodness, Poly!yoonseok

Word Count: 

Warnings: graphic depictions of sex, dirty talk, ice play

Originally posted by rapmonsexpensivegirl

The sun was already shining high in the sky when your eyes fluttered open. The overwhelming heat of the day had your shirt soaked to your skin. You groaned, reaching over to chug the glass of water on the table next to you. But the room temperature water wasn’t enough to satisfy your thirst. “It’s so fucking hot.” you mumbled as you slid off your mattress. The sheets were crumpled in a pile on the floor, somehow the 3 of you managed to kick them off the bed in your sleep. 

You padded down the hallway and the familiar sounds of your boyfriends arguing rang through your ears. Yoongi and Hoseok were on opposite sides of the spectrum. Fire and ice. Water and oil. But there was something about you that brought the two of them together.

Hoseok’s eyes immediately fell onto yours as you entered the living room, “Tell Yoongi you want to go to the beach today. He’s being a lazy ass and won’t let us go.”

You chuckled, “The beach does sound nice, Hobi. But it’s probably going to be packed.” you squeezed his shoulder gently as you made your way to the fridge and out of the corner of your eye you could see him pouting. Clearly not happy that you were siding with Yoongi in this democratic household.

“See, I told you she wouldn’t want to go.” Yoongi teased as he laid back down on the floor, a gummy smile spread across his glistening face. He stared at you with mischief in his eyes, but the thought of intertwining limbs in this heat sounded like the worst possible idea, no matter how hard he made you cum.

You opened the door to the freezer, finding sweet relief in the blast of cool air rushing towards your skin. It was days like this when you cursed your boyfriends for letting them talk you into this place. Your apartment was beautiful, and you loved it, but it didn’t have A/C. So every summer the three of you wandered across the apartment in various states of undress, hoping that the lack of clothing encasing your skin will offer relief.

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Zootopia’s ‘The Big Donut’


Yields one 9 inch donut

The things you’ll need

Ingredients
  • ¾ cup warm milk
  • 1 packet active dry yeast
  • 3 tablespoons sugar
  • ¼ teaspoon almond extract
  • 2 ½ cups all-purpose flour
  • ¼ teaspoon kosher salt
  • 2 tablespoons unsalted butter at room temperature
  • 2 egg yolks
  • Pink royal icing in a decorating bag fitted with a #3 tip
  • Vegan sprinkles
  • Bench flour
Ganache
  • 2 cups chopped chocolate
  • 1 cup heavy cream
  • 1 tablespoon corn syrup
Equipment
  • Large bowl
  • 9 inch cake ring
  • Cookie sheet lined with parchment paper
  • Paper towel
  • Large measuring cup
  • Rubber spatula
  • Whisk
  • Pastry brush
  • Drying rack
  • Large frying pot
  • Candy thermometer
  • Pan spray

Let’s get started!

  1. In a small bowl, combine warm milk, yeast and sugar. Allow to sit for 10 minutes to activate.
  2. Pour the mixture into a large bowl and then mix in egg yolks, butter and almond extract.
  3. Mix in half of flour and then salt. Add the other half of the flour and then knead for a few minutes.
  4. Place dough into a greased bowl and allow it to sit until it has doubled in size.
  5. Place rested dough onto a floured surface and form it into a large circle.
  6. Use a large cake ring to cut the dough into a circle. Use a smaller cookie cutter to hollow out the center and then cover with a towel to proof.
  7. Heat oil to 350ºF and preheat oven to 350ºF.
  8. When the donut has set for about 10 to 15 minutes, place it into the hot oil.
  9. Fry for 1 to 2 minutes and then flip once the edges are golden brown. Fry for another minute or two.
  10. Remove from oil and place onto a paper towel-lined cookie sheet to drain.
  11. Move donut to a clean cookie sheet and bake for 5 minutes.
  12. Remove the donut from the oven and cool completely before decorating.
Ganache
  1. Chop chocolate into small pieces and place into a medium bowl.
  2. Heat cream in a small pot and bring to a scald.
  3. Pour hot cream over chopped chocolate and then add corn syrup.
  4. Allow the mixture to set for 3 minutes and then stir to melt the chocolate until smooth and shiny.
  5. Place donut onto a cookie sheet with a drying rack and pour the ganache over it immediately. Refrigerate before decorating.

Time to decorate!

  1. Carefully place rainbow jimmies onto the donut and then use pink royal icing to pipe “The Big Donut” on top.
  2. TaDa! This larger than life donut will roll right through Zootopia and into your mouth!

I need a cooking show where the contestants are tasked with recreating fictional dishes

Like

“Make this dish that showed up in that anime one time - it looks like this and it’s slightly spicy. This is all we know” *shows big picture on a screen*

or

“Your task today is to make a health potion. It should be able to stay preserved for a week in room temperature, at least. But it’s not like we can really check that on a 1 hour show. Still, keep it in mind”

and then the old man who lives alone with two dogs and a cat wins, and the gamer and the anime nerd look at him in horror whispering “how…” to themselves

or something

but yeah I need this

Bubble Bath with Negan

For Ash’s 2k writing challenge! As you can probably guess by the title, I chose the bubble bath prompt. I hope you all enjoy reading it, and let me know what you think! Also, I’m not sure why on some, the “keep reading” thing isn’t visible. So if you can’t see it, just go to my blog. The full post is there. 😉

Summary: Negan has been stressed out lately, so you decide to give him a night of relaxation… ;)

Warnings: NSFW, Smut, Swearing, Unprotected Sex.

Characters: Negan & You

Words: 1977

Originally posted by negandarylsatisfaction

Living at the sanctuary was usually great. Most everyone here got along pretty well, with the exception of a few ungrateful workers. As one of Negan’s wives, you had no right to complain. Life was pretty much as great as it could be, given the circumstances. Negan and the Saviors had found you in the woods one day, half out of your mind and very sick. They brought you back, gave you a place to stay, food, medicine, and well, exactly what it’s called. They gave you a sanctuary.

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Unicorn Cake


Yields one three layer 6 inch cake

The things you’ll need

Ingredients
  • 2 cups all purpose flour
  • 2 teaspoons baking powder
  • 1/8 teaspoon salt
  • 1 stick salted butter at room temperature
  • ¼ cup solid vegetable shortening
  • 1 ½ cups sugar
  • 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
  • ¼ teaspoon almond extract
  • 5 large white eggs
  • ¾ cup whole milk
  • ¼ cup rainbow sprinkles
Decoration
  • White buttercream frosting
  • Light pink buttercream frosting fitted with #824 and a #4B tip
  • Light blue buttercream frosting fitted with a #2A tip
  • Light purple buttercream frosting fitted with a #824
  • Dark purple buttercream frosting fitted with a #2A tip and a #4B tip
  • Black buttercream frosting fitted with a #4 tip
  • White fondant
  • Gold edible highlighter dust
  • Small paint brushes
  • Fondant rolling pin
  • Teardrop cookie cutters
  • Lillipop stick
Equipment
  • Three 6-inch round cake pans
  • Large mixing bowl
  • Medium mixing bowl
  • Hand mixer
  • Rubber spatula
  • Whisk
  • 6 inch cake board
  • Cake stand
  • Cake turntable
  • Offset spatula
  • Small sifter
  • Almond extract

Let’s get started!

  1. Preheat oven to 350°F.
  2. Grease and line three 6-inch round cake pans.
  3. In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, and salt.
  4. In a large bowl, use an electric mixer to beat butter, shortening and sugar until light and fluffy.
  5. Add eggs whites one at a time, beating well after each addition. Add extracts.
  6. On a low speed, alternate adding the flour mixture and milk to the butter mixture, beginning and ending with the flour mixture. Fold sprinkles into the batter.
  7. Divide batter evenly between cake pans and bake for 30 to 35 minutes.
  8. Once cakes are fully cooled, level them with a cake leveler.
  9. Stack cakes on a cake board, making sure to frost between each layer.
  10. Use a cake turntable to smooth white frosting over the entire cake.

Time to decorate!

  1. Use white fondant to make a unicorn horn.
  2. Mix a few drops of almond extract into edible gold dust and then brush it onto the horn.
  3. Use teardrop cutters to create fondant ears and then paint the inner ear gold. Insert a toothpick into the bottom of each ear.
  4. Pipe rosettes on the top and along one side of the cake using the pink and light purple frosting and #824 tips.
  5. Add dollops of detail using the pink and dark purple frosting and #4B tips. Use blue and dark purple frosting fitted with #2A tips to add more details.
  6. Pipe eyes onto the front center of the cake. Place horn on the top center of the cake and the ears on either side of the horn.
  7. TaDa! This colorful Unicorn Cake will bring magic to any occasion!
🍓Summer Solstice Strawberry Pudding🍓

This is a dish for everyone to enjoy, it’s gluten free and I offer vegan alternatives. It servers six typically. This pudding is best when the rice is still warm but honestly it’s yummy cold too, so any leftover can be kept for a day or two. You can experiment with whatever soft fruits you have on hand if you want, raspberries, blueberries, apricots, have all been tried and are tasty! Enjoy. 🍓

Ingredients For The Strawberry Layer

  • 200 g./7 oz. of wild strawberries, store bought works too!
  • 2 handfuls of rose petals or 2 tbsp of rose water.
    • Please don’t use store bought rose water most are essential oils(not the 100% grade) mixed with water, or do your research first! Use fresh rose petals if using roses and make sure they weren’t grown in polluted areas or covered in pesticides! 
  • 3 tbsp confectioners sugar
  • A large sprig of mint

Ingredients For The Rice Pudding

  • 2 tsp vanilla extract(tbh just do it to taste I usually do 3)
  • 125 g./4.5 oz. pudding rice
    • short grain white rice is what I typically use but if you can splurge and buy pudding rice it’s delicious
  • 800 ml./27 oz. whole milk
    • I would recommend almond milk as the vegan replacement or rice milk but whatever you have on hand should work
  • 250 ml./8.5 oz. heavy cream
    • This is a bit more difficult to substitute, you can use coconut cream or make your own by letting full fat coconut milk settle at room temperature and skimming the cream once it rises to the top. You can also use blended silken tofu as well, medium and firm varieties work best!
  • 50 g./2 oz. caster(regular) sugar

Directions

  1. If you’re using store bough strawberries, slice any large ones in half and keep the smaller ones whole. For wild strawberries, gently rinse and drain.
  2. Place the strawberries into a bowl with the rose petals or rosewater, the confectioners sugar, and the sprig of mint torn up into smaller pieces. Let it settle for around a half an hour to forty-five minutes for the flavors to combine.
  3. In a pan, mix the rice, cream, milk, vanilla, and sugar together.
  4. Place the pan on a medium heat and bring to a simmer, do not let it boil. Stir gently for approximately 30. minutes, until the rice is soft and tender and has absorbed most of the liquid. The pudding should be fairly liquid in texture, but it will thicken as it cools. Add a little more milk if it starts to look too thick before the rice is sufficiently cooked.
  5. Remove the mint from the strawberry mixture and stir to combine the flavors.
  6. Serve in a glass or bowl layering the strawberries and rice pudding to make a pretty parfait! Garnish with a few wild strawberries, fresh rose petals, and a small mint leaf. Or don’t garnish and just shove it in your face like I do!
Take Me || Stiles S.

Word Count: 4,133ish

Warning: Rough smut,😉

Prompt: Hi! I was wondering if you could do a Stiles smut where the reader and Stiles are like, lab partners or something, and Stiles has been mumbling really dirty stuff to you for weeks, and you finally tell him to do something, and then it’s really hard and rough. Thanks so much!! 

You’re my first request and my love for you extends wayyyy past the galaxy. You are the best beautiful! I hope this is what you wanted and I didn’t know if you wanted to be tagged. If not, let me know:) @pick-the-petalst

A/N: Also, just wanted to thank everyone for 130 followers! It might not be much to anyone else, but I didn’t think I’d even have 1 so I am more than grateful! You all are magnificent beauties and I hope you all have an extraordinary day. Much love 💕

(Gifs are not mine)


Monday

“Those jeans are looking extra tight today.” His lips grazed the outer shell of your ear as his hand slid onto your thigh. “Definitely makes me wonder what they would look like on the floor of my bedroom.”

Your breath caught in your throat. Yes, this had been going on for weeks now but it always affected you. Stiles had become your lab partner at the beginning of the semester and at first, you thought that it might actually go well. He seemed like a smart kid and even though Harris liked to torment him about failing his class, Stiles didn’t seem to be having any trouble.

All that went downhill about two days into your partnership. 

You had just arrived into class wearing a new skirt that you had recently bought over the weekend. It was black and faux leather. You knew that it was a little short, but it wasn’t too bad that you thought people would notice.

Stiles did.

The second you sat down in your seat he was leaning over to you. “Damn, I didn’t know you could get any hotter babe.”

“Excuse me?” You questioned raising your eyebrow at him.

“Oh, Princess, we can excuse ourselves right now and I can show you just how a man treats a lady.” He whispered against the side of your cheek.

You had always thought that Stiles was hot. Hell, he was super sexy, especially when he would wear his baseball cap flipped backward and his unlimited amount of flannels. But, right now, you didn’t know whether to be turned on, flattered, or appalled.

You turned your face to glare at him, but he was already giving you the once-over with his eyes.

You didn’t want it to be, but unfortunately, your teenage hormones got the best of you and heat rose to your cheeks.

“We have never spoken one word to each other and that’s what you start with?” You questioned hoping that he wouldn’t notice the redness that was dawning on your face.

But he did. Of course, he did.

Slowly, a grin curled onto the side of his thin pink lips. His eyes raked the length of your body at an agonizingly sluggish pace causing you to squirm in your seat. He took notice in that too because as he met your eyes a smirk was slipped on his mouth.

“All those dirty little thoughts that are going through that pretty little head of yours could be a reality. Just say the word and I’ll take you on this desk right now.” His eyes shined with pure honesty in his words and suddenly the room was the temperature of the sun. Heat crawled down your neck, past your heavy breasts, through the tingling sensation in your belly, and made its home in your core. The wetness already seemed to be dampening your panties.

As if he would smell your arousal, he leaned in closer. “Say the word Babygirl.”

You couldn’t speak. You couldn’t even move afraid that a moan would slip from your lips. How did this man have so much power of you with just words?

“Stilinski! Attention to the front! Please don’t bother miss L/N.” Harris yelled breaking Stiles’s intense stare he had on you. 

As his eyes left you, you took in a deep breath.

“Yes sir, wouldn’t dream of bothering her.” 

But that is exactly what he had in mind. He wanted her all bothered. Hot and bothered and wriggling underneath him while moaning his name.

You tried not to look at him, but curiosity got the best of you and you peeked at him. He was already staring at you, but this gave him the chance to rile you up some more.

He sent you a wink right as the bell rang.

Now, weeks later it has been a constant one-sided flirtation with a huge dose of lust sprinkled in every sentence that flowed from his amazingly beautiful mouth.

Not that you thought his mouth was beautiful, or that it could do beautifully dirty things as it scrapped the inside of your thighs. No, you had never thought of that.

Let’s all be honest with each other, it wasn’t a normal Monday if that thought didn’t go through your head at least twice.

Today, was no different. 

“Those jeans are looking extra tight today.” His lips grazed the outer shell of your ear as his hand slid onto your thigh. “Definitely makes me wonder what they would look like on the floor of my bedroom.”

“It definitely makes me wonder when you’re going to shut your mouth.” You muttered knowing that he could hear you as you continued to finish your chemistry worksheet.

“Sweetheart, is that the only thing you want my mouth to do?” It was as if he had read your mind and your pencil halted in writing the sentence it was currently on.

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Mint Chocolate Chip Cookies


Yields 2 dozen cookies

The things you’ll need

Ingredients
  • 1 cup butter, room temperature
  • ¾ cup sugar
  • ½ cup packed light brown sugar
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 to 3 drops green food coloring
  • 1 teaspoon peppermint extract
  • ½ teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 2 ¾ cups all purpose flour
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 5 ounces chocolate mints
Equipment
  • Large mixing bowl
  • Medium mixing bowl
  • Whisk
  • Hand mixer
  • Rubber spatula
  • Cutting board and knife
  • Parchment lined baking sheet
  • Ice cream scoop

Let’s get started!

  1. Preheat oven to 350°F.
  2. Roughly chop chocolate mints.
  3. In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking soda and salt.
  4. In a large bowl, cream together butter and sugars until smooth.
  5. Add in eggs one at a time, mixing and scraping between each one.
  6. Pour in peppermint extract, vanilla, and food coloring and then mix until evenly colored.
  7. Mix in dry ingredients and then fold in chopped mints.
  8. Scoop dough onto a baking sheet and bake for 8 minutes.
Bloom — Part I — Summer

REQUEST: Can u write a fan fic about the girl owning a flower shop and Harry coming in to get flowers for someone else but then they fall in love because love is beautiful like a flower


Started writing this oneshot and it turned into four oneshots. I changed it up a bit, but I hope you enjoy. x


The first time that Harry came to her shop, she barely said a word to him.

She knew when she opened her flower shop that Harry Styles lived nearby. It’s basically all that her friends back home could talk about when she announced where she was moving—they were diehard fans, and a few of them even begged her to take them with her so that they could meet the infamous Harry Styles.

She wasn’t shy, and she wasn’t one to get starstruck when face to face with a celebrity (not that she’d ever really met one). But the first time of many that Harry Styles walked into her flower shop, he was on a date.

His date wasn’t a big name or anything, and didn’t look familiar at all. But he was very much enthralled with her—he seemed like the kind of man to give you all his attention when he’s set aside time for you, and that was something she rarely ever really saw. She busied herself behind the counter of the shop, counting receipts and moving some stuff around so that she didn’t look like she was eavesdropping, which she wasn’t.

The shop that she owned wasn’t very big at all—it was just big enough to hold a small greenhouse garden in the back that she used to grow her flowers, as well as the storefront where she sold them (among the shipments she received from other greenhouses that were much larger than her own). It wasn’t exactly LARGE by any standards but she enjoyed it that way. Except it meant that there really wasn’t anywhere to hide, so when Harry Styles and his date decided to walk around and look at her bouquets, she couldn’t help but overhear.

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