Let me tell you this: If you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they have tried to blend into the world before and people continue to disappoint them. However all great and precious things are lonely.
I stopped the car in front of his house and closed my eyes. This was going to be so hard. I knew the minute his lips meant mine that night, I wasn’t over him. I didn’t know if I could go through with this. How could I sleep in the same bed with him, be so close to him, and not want him?
I saw the front door open and watched as he walked out. He wasn’t wearing a shirt and the sight of him made my mouth water. I wanted to look over each and every tattoo, trace them….. a knock on the window brought me out of my thoughts. I opened the door.
“Are you coming in, beautiful, or just staying out here?”
I didn’t answer him. I made my way to the back and started getting my stuff, he grabbed the bags from me and I followed him in. He showed me up to the bedroom and left me alone as I slowly unpacked my clothes and put them away. I didn’t go back down either, for the rest of the day, I made sure to stay in that room. I worked on my computer, called the dance studio and told them I wouldn’t need the time off after all and made arrangements to go back to work. He never said I couldn’t do that.
I looked up quickly and saw him leaning against the door frame, still shirtless and gorgeous. I sighed and wished he’d put on some clothes. “Are you coming down for dinner? We should probably talk.” I closed my laptop and stood up.
“I’m only coming down because I’m hungry. I really don’t have any interest in hearing what you have to say.” His eyes flashed and in the next breath, he pinned me to the wall with his body. He smiled before his lips were on mine, taking whatever he wanted. I tried pushing him away, but I failed miserably. I threw my arms around him and kissed him back just as urgently as he was kissing me.
He pulled away and looked at me. “God, I missed you.” He rested his forehead against mine, trying to slow his breathing. I closed my eyes and did the same. No one has ever made me feel the way he does. Ever. I didn’t know how I would last around him for ten weeks.
He kissed me softly again before moving away from me. He offered me his hand and I ignored it as I walked past him. I heard him chuckle and walk behind me. “I forgot how nice of an ass you have, Cassie.” I didn’t say anything, I knew he was just trying to throw me off and I wasn’t going to let him.
We ate in silence, oh he tried to talk to me, but I refused to answer him. He had totally interrupted my life with what he was forcing me to do and I am still furious with him. It didn’t help that all I can think about is him kissing me, I know it should Justin on my mind, but it’s not.
I heard Ronnie sigh and I looked at him. “Are you ever going to speak to me or is this how we’re going to live for the next ten weeks?”
“You never said that I had to speak to you. I’m simply here to wait this out so I can be done and move on.” I looked away and picked at my food.
“If it wasn’t for you father, we would probably still be happily married. You know that right?”
“No, Ronnie, I don’t know that. You can blame the past on him, for what he did to us. But right at this moment, how you used everything against me, makes you no better than him.” I threw my fork on my plate and got up. I went to walk away, not wanting to fight with him or talk to him, and I heard him following behind me.
“Don’t you dare compare me to your father, Cassie. I’m nothing like him.” I laughed as I turned to face him.
“Really? You both force me to do this against my will. You know that I wouldn’t let you completely ruin my father, so you use that against me, to get me here. He knows it too, so you have that to your advantage because he won’t help me fight you. You say you want another chance? You’ve had ten years to come after me and you never have. So don’t act like you’re better than anyone else. I am so fucking sick of people using me to get what they want. I don’t believe for a minute that you still want to be married me, you’re just doing this to get back at my father. And just like always, I’m the pawn.”
“Cassie. I tried to come after you. He wouldn’t let me anywhere near you. If I thought for one minute you would have actually wanted me too, nothing would have stopped me from getting to you. Don’t you think we owe it to ourselves to see if there is still something there? I do. I know there is, I feel it every time I kiss you or touch you and I know damn well you feel it too.”
I knew he was right. I did feel it, every time he was near me, every time I looked at him. I didn’t know what to do. There was a part of me that wanted to see what would happen between us, to give in and be his wife again. There was also a part of me that was scared to death that it would end up the same way and I couldn’t get my heart broke again like that.
“I’m not denying the fact that I’m still attracted to you, because I know I am.” He smiled and stepped closer but I held up my hand telling him to stop. “But that’s all it is, Ronnie. I love Justin, I’m marrying him, as soon as this is over. It’s not going to change.” He frowned and shook his head.
“You won’t though, Cassie. He’s too much like your father. Even I can see that and you can’t stand the way your father is with you. I think he is comfortable and he doesn’t make waves. What happened to your dancing, huh? I know what you’ve been doing, I’ve kept track of every tour you’ve danced on and even went to watch you a couple times, baby. Did he make you give it up, just like you’re father wanted you to?”
“No, that was my choice. I wanted a normal life with him. You know, home every night. I didn’t want to go months without seeing him.” By the look on his face, he knew I wasn’t being one hundred percent honest. Ok, so maybe I still wanted to dance and tour, and maybe Justin and my father told me it was no longer appropriate being that I’m getting married.
“I would never ask you or tell you to give up something you so obviously love doing.” He moved closer, till he was right in front of me. His hand cupped my face and he smiled. “You are so amazing at what you do, baby, and just seeing you dancing, I could tell you love it. You got lost in it like I do my music. No one should stifle your dreams, Cassie.”
“Why did you come see me and not saying anything? You could have said all of this year’s ago and I would have gone with you in a heartbeat.” His thumb started moving back and forth across my cheek, I closed my eyes and let myself, for a moment, get lost in his touch.
“I was still furious with you. I thought you left me remember. I always thought of you. I always wondered what you were doing and how you were. So I checked. It’s not hard with what I do and who I know. I went just to watch you. You’ve always been amazing.”
I knew I had to put some distance between us. I could feel the pull he still had on me, that he’s always had on me and I knew where we would end up if I didn’t. I hadn’t even been here a full day and I already wanted him. I stepped out of his reach and looked at my hands.
“Thank you. It always meant more coming from you. But it doesn’t change anything.” I turned and walked up the stairs and this time he didn’t follow me.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I woke up the next morning wrapped in his arms. I looked over my shoulder and saw he was still sleeping and moved back closer to him. I didn’t even know he had come to bed last night. I must have been exhausted last night. I closed my eyes as I left him stirring behind me and felt his arms tighten around me. I hoped he wasn’t waking up, truth be told, I loved waking up like this.
I felt him kiss my neck before I heard the blankets rustling and felt him get out of bed. I didn’t move, I didn’t look at him, I just laid there with my eyes closed pretending to be asleep. I heard the shower start in the bathroom and slowly sat up, running my hands through my hair. He walked out of the bathroom and smiled at me when I looked at him.
“Morning, baby.” I smiled and watched as he grabbed a towel and headed back to the bathroom. I sighed and got up, needing to be as far away from him as possible, especially since all I wanted to do was join him in the shower.
I knew I was in trouble as I walked quickly down the stairs and into the kitchen. I needed to get out if here as soon as possible. I started making breakfast, eggs and toast, before I would get ready and head to the dance studio. I heard him walking towards the kitchen and I braced myself.
“That smells good, Cass.” I nodded but didn’t say a word. “What are your plans for the day?”
Our eyes meant and he smiled. “I’m going to the dance studio for a while. You never said I couldn’t work while I was here.”
“You’re right. I told you last night I wouldn’t stop you from dancing, ever.” I made our plates and took them to the table. We sat down and made small talk while we ate. “I could get use to this. Eating breakfast with you every morning, while our kids run around screaming.”
“I need to tell you something. You keep mentioning us having kids, if we stayed together.”
“Oh, we will. I don’t believe for a minute that you’re going to marry him.” He smirked as I rolled my eyes.
“The thing is, Ronnie…. I can’t have children. I mean, it would probably turn out the same way. So, maybe you should find someone that can give you what you want, because I can’t.” I was heartbroken when my doctor told me that. It would be dangerous, maybe life threatening for me to have children. I looked away from him, from the concern in his eyes.
He got up and knelt beside my chair, his hand resting on my leg. “Hey. It’s fine. I want you more than children, Cassie. Were you and Justin going to try?”
He pulled me up and into his arms and just held me tightly against him, his hands running up and down my back. Why did this feel so right with him? How is it after all this time, I still gravitate to him? I looked up at him and smiled, my hands gripping his shirt. Before I knew what I was doing, I leaned up and pressed my lips to his.