The second time I watched Jupiter Ascending I brought my parents. They loved it. On the way out of the theatre my mom and I were chuckling over how Caine, who is supposedly a runt, is played by the not-at-all-a-runt-in-any-way Channing Tatum, and my mom said:
“But runts always grow up to be bigger and stronger than everyone else!”
Since then I’ve seen many posts about how Caine really is a runt and regular lycantants are these huge, 7-10 feet tall beasts but
My mom’s comment stuck with me, and has led me to the exact opposite opinion.
Consider Kalique’s reaction to Caine when he “battle-parkours shirtless into her house and holds her at gunpoint” (not my words). She says: “Well made, by the look of him.”
Considering Kalique employs a lot of splices and is thousands of years old I’m gonna trust her word on this.
However Caine came into the world, I think he grew up just fine. Better than fine. Consider he’s had to make his way as a lone-wolf for years and he didn’t just survive: he was a Skyjacker, a “legend in the legion” as Ibis states. He didn’t just survive; he thrived. Until the whole ripping-out-entitled throats happened which is another matter entirely.
Which is just how any self-respecting narrative about a runt should go. Of course the tiny, half-albino blond runt grows up twice as big and strong as the rest and proves himself. And it is exactly the kind of narrative which fits with the overall tone of Jupiter Ascending.
In my head, Caine is actually rather large for a lycantant, and there are not, in fact, many lycantants in the Legion. Lycantants are made and kept sort of like hunting dogs. Maybe they are mostly used for private security, or even civilian uses like herding space!cattle or whatever.
None of the space!ranches/mansions wanted a runt on their crew, but the Legion is like “yeah sure whatevs at least he’ll be cannon fodder” which is how his splicer “sold him at a loss” (according to Stinger).
Except then he grew up. And he wasn’t cannon fodder—oh no! He was out there working twice as hard to prove himself, and his commanders are like “fuck let’s try, you know, feeding him and shit and holy cow he just did [insert crazy amazing stunt here] hey Skyjackers we got someone for you…”
Of course, even though he’s big and strong now, he’s still goes by the Steve Rogers school of fighting. In other words: he fights like a girl. Because Caine learned to fight before his growth spurt kicked in. That’s why all the grace and flip-kicks and knowing how to fight a dude who’s bigger than you (see: him vs. Greeghan). Only now he’s got that kind of skill in a not-insubstantial body and he is a. fucking. beast.
And the irony is, before things went tits up with the attack, there were a number of royals who were eyeballing Caine’s contract like “heeeeeey maybe we actually want you to come lead our pack” but then biting happened and…
Not saying the “Caine is really a runt and lycantants are huge” theory is without merit. It definitely has merit. (It has, after all, led to the creation of Ylva Dhole.) This is just the one that stuck in my head, and it is the one I’m working from while writing HTTYAWBF. Though it may not be explicitly shown, everything this experience implies has had an effect on the way I write Caine, so its influence will be at least implicitly felt.
It may or may not also have a major impact on the plot of my ENTIRELY HYPOTHETICAL NOT MAKING ANY PROMISES Stinger/Caine Legion Days prequel.
If modern music was in middle earth I imagine that Lothlorien would make classic music, rivendell would make popmusic and Mirkwood would make indie music
Lothlorien, close…very close. It’s all the way in Aman, at Valinor, where they make the fancy classical music. Harps, cellos, they’ve got it all. Specifically, it’s
Alqualondë with the soft relaxing music, and it’s Tirion with the more uppity stick-up-their-ass more recognized classical music.
Lothlórien has a different kinda music. They have the stoned music. You know what stoners listen to when they get high? That slow lazy beat? That’s Lórien for you. Occasionally they have a bit of a funky beat, where they have some sick beats. Galadriel is the original #trapqueen.
Rivendell has the catchy af beat. you have too, when you have a cool dad/ruler like rondy-o. It’s mostly because of Maglor, though. Maglor was the first guy to develop rap. Elros was always a better rapper than Elrond, but Elrond’s glad to see that Elladan and Elrohir have their uncle’s innate rap ability.
Mirkwood, man. With a ruler like that, everything’s gonna be indie. No mainstream in Thrandy’s kingdom. Everything has to be shallow-deep and have some meaningful lyrics. And what’s a song without a drum solo? Thranduil doesn’t know. Thranduil’s never had a song WITHOUT a drum solo. Fuck your drum solo-less songs.
For trade/sale. Message me if you are interested in anything!
All the Way Pride Playbill signed by Bryan Cranston
If/Then Playbill signed by James Snyder, Jenn Colella, Ryann Redmond, Janet Krupin and Jason Tam
Mary Poppins playbill signed by the cast
Mamma Mia playbill signed by Laurie Veldheer and others
Shrek the Musical Tour playbill signed by Haven Burton
Book of Mormon tour playbill signed by Gavin Creel and others
Seminar Playbill signed by Alan Rickman, Lily Rabe, Jerry O’Connell, Hamish Linklater, and Hettienne Park
Nathaniel Hackmann signed Les Mis Jean Valjean understudy slip
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time playbill signed by Alex Sharp and one other
Spirit Control playbill signed by Jeremy Sisto and others
Aladdin Playbill signed by Adam Jacobs, and a couple of others
Hairpsray Playbill signed by Kate Loprest
If/Then playbill signed by Jackie Burns, LaChanze, and James Snyder
Jekyll & Hyde Playbill signed by Robert Cuccioli, Christianne Noll, and Lubra Mason
The Rink signed by Chita Rivera
Singin’ In the Rain Playbill signed by the cast
Hedwig and the Angry Inch Playbill signed by Lena Hall
The Book of Mormon Tour playbill signed by the cast
Ghost National Tour Playbill signed by the cast
Kinky Boots Cd insert signed by Annaleigh Ashford
Spelling Bee photo signed by Jesse Tyler Fergusen, and Sarah Sultzberg
Mystery of Edwin Drood signed by Janine DiVita
After Midnight Signed by babyface
Rock of Ages Pride Playbill signed by Carrie St. Louis, Aaron C. FInley, and more!
American idiot tour signed playbill
Jonathan Freeman signed Jafar photo
Arthur Darvill signed Doctor Who photo
Mystery of Edwin Drood signed by Justin Greer
Motown Playbill signed by the cast
Once Playbill signed by Paul Nolan
A Civil War Christmas signed by Alice Ripley
Lion King signed production shot
Charissa Hogeland signed Veronica slip Heathers the Musical
Bonnie & Clyde Wanted Poster
Bullets Over Broadway souvenir program
Nikki M James signed headshot
Laura Bell Bundy signed photo
Sister Act program
Pippin Playbill signed by many of the original company including Patina Miller, Matthew James Thomas, Terrence Mann, and Rachel Bay Jones among others
Godspell Playbill signed by Lindsay Mendez, Anna Maria Perez de Tagle, and Morgan James
Newsies Trading Cards (Ephraim Sykes (x2), Jess LeProtto, Andy Richardson, Ryan Breslin, Jeremy Jordan, Evan Kasprzak (Signed), Brendan Stimson, Ben Fankhauser, Garett Hawe, Kyle Coffman, and Michael Fatica)
Newsies closing night gift paper machete vase made with the newspapers from the show
Laura Osnes signed headshot (has creases and damage)
Rondi Reed signed photo
Spamalot opening night frame
Alice Ripley CD brand new
On an Average Day programme signed by Kyle MacLaughlin and Woody Harrelson
Hairspray playbill trading card signed Dick Latessa
Felicia Finley signed CD
Phantom of the Opera 25th Anniversary Playbill
Hairspray Closing Night Playbill
Wicked 10th anniversary playbill
Pippin Post Card given out at the cast recording session
Spelling Bee production shot
Flyers: Catch Me If You Can, Bare, Last 5 Years, Spring Awakening, Grease
One Man, Two Guvnors
How to Succeed in Business without really trying
Million Dollar Quartet
Rock of Ages signed by Dan Domenech, Rebecca Faulkenberry, Michele Mais, and 1 other
Beauty and the Beast
Rocky Horror Show
A View From the Bridge
Additonal Items not pictured
Alice Ripley signed Next to Normal magnet
Newsies understudy slips (opening night cast sheet, Jack as Evan, Julian as Ryan Steele, Julian as Mike Faist, Michael Fatica as Mike Faist, Caitlyn as Julie, Cailtyn as Laurie, Jack as Garett, Fatica as Breslin, Laurie as Katherine, JP as Buttons (headshot & bio slip), papermill slip Michael McArthur as Corey Humemrston, Fatica as Tommy, Breslin as Davey, Sheet with JP as Iain Jack as Clay Julian as Aaron and Jeremy Greenbaum headshot and bio on the bottom announcing him as Davey