romney and i

A few years ago, I worked giving out samples at Costco for a year, and these were the best/weirdest things that happened to me:

Around Halloween, a man and woman walked by my cart, with a little boy who was crying as if he was losing part of his soul. They all had strong and beautiful Indian accents. The man said, “Son, what’s wrong? Son, what’s bothering you?” and his wife sighed and said, “He thinks we won’t let him be a ladybug for Halloween.” The father straightened up and said, “Son, of course you can be a ladybug! You can be whatever you want!” and they slowly got the boy to stop crying. It was one of the most heartwarming moments I’ve ever seen.

An elderly man with a long and greasy beard stole my opened bottle of Tabasco sauce that I was using, and proceeded to tilt it over his mouth and drink as much as he could. He then made a noise like “Whee-hee!” and said, “You can’t say you’re from Georgia, unless you can do that!” while I stared on with a horrified face.

(I’m not even in Georgia, and now, I hope to never be.)

A cart rushed by me, two children clinging to the sides of it, and a third pushing it as the other two yelled, “Faster, faster!” A minute later, a very frazzled mother ran in and said, “Have you seen my children?!” I pointed, and she ran off again.

A toddler chose me specifically to tell a story to, about how one time he went to a swimming pool, and there was a slide he really liked, and he went down it a bunch of times. His mom gave me a look of “I’m so sorry,” as the kid spoke, but she should not have been sorry. It was awesome.

A middle-aged man in a suit tried convincing me (while I was shutting down my cart and trying to avoid him) that Obama was the Antichrist, and that the whole world was run by someone called “The Black Pope” who was baptizing space aliens, and that’s why he liked Mitt Romney better. I countered by telling him that Mitt Romney’s real first name is “Willard,” and that made him dumbfounded enough that I could escape and clock out.

2

Another amazing piece of art by @badlemonade!! As many Scarecrow fans may remember, Tim Sale’s version of The Scarecrow is based on Disney’s The Scarecrow of Romney Marsh. I had the idea to commission this cover of one of the Scarecrow of Romney Marsh novel covers(featuring a “daring” redhead), but this time featuring DC’s The Scarecrow and his own “daring” redhead, Becky Albright! 

For something this detailed and unusual, I commissioned the incredibly talented @badlemonade, who has done 2 other amazing pieces for me before!

joncolbert  asked:

Joe Biden, young Joe Biden, Tim Kaine, young Tim Kaine, Mitt Romney, Mike Pence, Michelle Obama, Kirsten Gillibrand, Justin Trudeau

Both Joe Bidens: Not My Type | Alright | Cute | Adorable | Pretty | Gorgeous | LORD MERCY

Tim Kaine now: Not My Type | Alright | Cute | Adorable | Pretty | Gorgeous | LORD MERCY

Young Tim Kaine: Not My Type | Alright | Cute | Adorable | Pretty | Gorgeous | LORD MERCY

Mitt Romney: Not My Type | Alright | Cute | Adorable | Pretty | Gorgeous | LORD MERCY

Mike Pence: I just threw up in my mouth.

Michelle Obama: Not My Type | Alright | Cute | Adorable | Pretty | Gorgeous | LORD MERCY

And now this ask game…….

Ok ok, so for yeeaarss now, I’ve had this MS Paint drawing on my laptop that I made titled “Mitt Romney with his best friend Heart”  ….and there was definitely a reason behind it… I remember drawing it thinking “this is gonna be the funniest most amazing thing!”  …but I can’t for the life of me remember why tf I drew this????  

The words may be gone, but the referents remain, and new words will be found to refer to them.

Although I am curious to see what happens when the language of privilege reaches its logical conclusion:

men!
white men!
straight white men!
straight white cis men!
able bodied straight white cis men!
neurotypical able bodied straight white cis men!
rich neurotypical able bodied straight white cis men!
look it’s Mitt Romney, okay? I’m talking about Mitt Romney.

Time Travel AUs
  • “You’re from the future and apparently I fucked up so bad that there’s a darker future and you’re here to make sure I don’t do that. also you’re a jerk but kinda cute??”
  • “I went back in time on accident but holy shit i always wanted to hang out in this decade also how do you know time travel exists?”
  • “You keep dying so I keep reversing time to save your life but you’re getting annoying since you say the same things over and over again. I’m really questioning why you were so interested in that squished tangerine on the store floor.”
  • “I’m from the early 1900s and I somehow invented a time machine and I accidentally ended up here help me get back please. wait you’re my great-grandchild?”
  • “You’re an expert time traveler and take people on tours through time but I’m scared of doing anything because holy shit have you read that short story A Sound Of Thunder? Mitt Romney could be elected if I accidentally step on a cockroach.”
  • “I’m a time traveler who has a bunch of friends from different time periods and I wanted one from the 2010s but you’re a history teacher and you think it’s interesting I know a lot of first-hand history. I don’t have the heart to tell you the truth because no one thought I was smart in my life.”
  • “I wanted to make a parallel universe where you fell in love with me because you’re a celebrity and I’ve had a huge crush on you since I was 25 but wait you were that quiet kid in the 8th grade who was too eager about Shakespeare?”
  • “Your time machine fell on my car and I’m going to be late for my job interview so you better let me use it to get there on time.”

Me @ any teacher who acts like they have their shit together 100% of the time.

i can’t believe they’ve already worn me down to the point where on some level i’m like “secretary of state romney? i guess that sounds okay.” literally just because he isn’t an avowed white supremacist. that’s the bar now. please kill me.

I would like to officially apologize to Mitt Romney. In 2012 I thought he was terrible, but it turns out he actually isn’t worse than Literally Satan, so I love him now.

If any of you were here back when I blogged through the 2012 US elections, ye’ll know that I extended an invitation to those in need to come here if Romney won.
More than ever, I extend that invitation again if Trump wins.
Lighting a candle for ye.