romanian vampires

I’m a little too fond of the headcanon that Mika curses purely in Russian

2

“I’m not Russian, I’m Romanian.”

Bucky says this with an air of long-suffering and waits for the inevitable.  Of course, Jon Stewart’s not that crass.  So he simply mugs suitably for the camera and just says, “So I’m fairly sure you’ve heard this before – “

“Oh dear Lord,” Steve pretends to put his head into his hands. 

“No, look, really, let’s practice some tact here.  I’ll just say one word,”  Jon smiles angelically.  “Vampires.”

Bucky doesn’t hesitate.  “Half. I am half vampire, thank you very much.”

Jon guffaws.  “Half?!”

“Dracula’s my Grampy,” Bucky shrugs.   

“His Grampy’s a great guy,” Steve adds. 

“You say that because you’re his favorite grandson-in-law.”

“Well, hey, if Count Dracula’s your in-law, it’s awesome that you get along, right?” Jon puts in.  “But, er, the half-vampire thing…. so does that mean you don’t really need blood or …. ?”

“He gets Nibbling Privileges™ from me,” Steve says with an absolutely straight face.  “It’s kind of ticklish but…. nice.”

“Hey, I had to work my ass off for those Nibbling Privileges™!”

“And, hey, fellas, it’s late night, so you two can give us all the TMI….”  Jon reminds. 

*** 

Note:  I want to say I regret EVERYTHING about this ficlet but I can’t.  So, here’s to you, Baz, for being very gracious about all the vampire jokes that you’ve probably heard (oh god you poor boo, I cringe on your behalf) and for working the Eerie Pale-skinned Brunette Vampire Look like a boss.  It bears repeating:  A BOSS. 

greenbergsays WHAT YOU SAID.  I CANNOT UNSEE IT NOW. 

russianspacegeckosexparty  asked:

The Volturi really aren't that special because any coven could start accumulating gifted vampires then be prepared to wage war. What would be more interesting is an unstable vampire hierarchy that constantly gets rebuilt and disassembled as ambitious vampires vie for power. Being the overseer of vampires is a precarious position

I know?? Those two really old Romanian vampires in breaking dawn, stefan and vladimir, used to be in charge but then the volturi took over and no one dared to question them till part2 (and even then it wasn’t like the Cullens had a choice) but it would definitely be more interesting if they did? It’s all because of jane and her brother, their gifts are what caused the Romanian coven to fall and ever since then no ones been brave enough to talk shit. Like constant shifts in power would be waaaay more interesting to watch than this “the Volturi are all Powerful and are not to be messed with” nonsense. honestly i blame stephanie meyer for being so boring 🙄

2

(Requested by Anon)

People could say what they liked about the dangers of hanging out with vampires; especially human drinking ones, and how stupid you were for even thinking about it let alone doing it. You’d take ten times the danger if it meant getting the sheer amusement you did from it all over again. Introducing the millennia old Romanian vampires to modern music had been a blast, their faces complete pictures of bewilderment, but nothing lived up to the look on Stefan’s face when Vladimir admitted just how much he enjoyed it.

Star Signs as Eurovision Stereotypes
  • Aries: Weirdly sexual backup dancers in unitards
  • Taurus: Ironic song choice, given your country’s situation and actions this past year
  • Gemini: Sexy traditional costume
  • Cancer: A sudden attack of Romanian vampires
  • Leo: The traditionally disappointing UK performance
  • Virgo: Glitter. Glitter everywhere.
  • Libra: A pop power ballad, but with a twist! (the twist is that it gets through to the finals, like it always does)
  • Scorpio: An old man who is about to sing you the song of his people, but suddenly young people with microphones bring his song into the 21st century
  • Sagittarius: Excessive and quite frankly unnecessary pyrotechnics
  • Capricorn: Small country that no one remembers, except for the intensely strange performance that leaves many uncomfortable.
  • Aquarius: Unexpectedly good punk rock performance
  • Pisces: LED lights. I’m not sure where, but they are present. Always present.

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