roman-emperor

Elagabalus: The Transgender Roman Emperor

Reign: 8 June 218 – 11 March 222

Caesar Marcus Aurelius Antoninus Augustus was 14 years old when he became Roman Emperor. He is known to history as Elagabalus because he was from birth the high priest of the androgynous sun deity Elagabal. Elagabalus is recorded as having been one of the most infamous and degenerate figures in Roman history.

Elagabalus married and divorced five women but his most stable relationship seems to have been his chariot driver, a blond slave from Caria name Hierocles, whom he referred to as his husband. He married a man name Zoticus, an athlete from Smyrna, in a pubic ceremony at Rome.

When he was married to Hierocles, Elagabalus would dress like a woman and allow himself to be caught in the act of adultery by his husband, who would then beat him as husbands were then allowed to beat their wives.

Elagabalus would paint his eyes, epilate his hair and wear wigs before prostituting himself in taverns, brothels, and even in the imperial palace: 

“Finally, he set aside a room in the palace and there committed his indecencies, always standing nude at the door of the room, as the harlots do, and shaking the curtain which hung from gold rings, while in a soft and melting voice he solicited the passers-by. There were, of course, men who had been specially instructed to play their part. For, as in other matters, so in this business, too, he had numerous agents who sought out those who could best please him by the size of their penis. He would collect money from his patrons and give himself airs over his gains; he would also dispute with his associates in this shameful occupation, claiming that he had more lovers than they and took in more money.”

He was described as having been “delighted to be called the mistress, the wife, the queen of Hierocles” and was reported to have offered vast sums of money to any physician who could equip him with female genitalia.

One of his palace orgies was the scene of an inadvertent massacre when so many flower petals were showered upon the banquet guests that dozens of people suffocated to death as they reclined on their couches.

He was known to harness teams of naked women to his chariot and whip them as they pulled him around the palace grounds.

On his head, he wore a crown in the shape of a tiara, glittering with gold and precious stones.

He preferred to spend his days in the company of the palace women, singing, dancing and weaving.

The soldiers were revolted at the sight of him. With his face made up more elaborately than a modest woman, he was effeminately dressed up in golden necklaces and soft clothes, dancing for everyone to see.

At the age of 18, in March 222 AD, Rome’s soldiers finally rebelled against their Emperor. After slaughtering his minions and tearing out their vital organs, they then fell upon Elagabalus as he hid cowering in a latrine. After killing him, they dragged his body through the streets by a hook and attempted to stuff it into a sewer. When it proved too big, they threw him into the River Tiber.

2

Locusta the Poisoner—Ancient Rome’s Deadliest Assassin,

Perhaps the most feared woman in the ancient world, Locusta was a first century AD assassin who offered her services to wealthy and powerful Roman patricians, politicians, and military leaders.  So infamous were her deeds that her career was detailed by Juvenal, Seutonius, Cassius Dio, and Tacitus.  Born in Gaul (modern day France) Locusta was raised by her mother to be an herbalist, a healer who specialized in using medicinal plants and herbs. However, her career abruptly changed when she moved to Rome in search for greater opportunities, she found that her skills could put to much more lucrative uses killing people rather than healing.  Rome was rife with political intrigue, and skilled assassins were in high demand.

Locusta intensely studied poisonous plants, becoming a “master poisoner” in short time.  She knew of scores of different poisons; poisons that could bring about a heart attack, poisons that could cause a stroke, poisons that affected the nervous system, even poisons that would make it seem like the victim had died of something completely natural, such as the flu or plague.  For several years, Locusta hired out her services to wealthy patrician families and powerful politicians, or whoever was the highest bidder. In 54 AD Locusta was approached by Agrippina, wife of Emperor Claudius, with perhaps the biggest and most important job of her career; to assassinate the Emperor himself.  Agrippina wanted her son from another marriage to be Emperor, and thus Claudius had to go.  On October 13th, Locusta infiltrated Claudius’ palace, distracting a guard by placing a laxative in his drink.  She then tainted a dish of mushrooms, Claudius’ favorite dish, with strychnine.  Claudius consumed the poisoned mushrooms.  A few hours later, he began suffering strong stomach cramps, then he began foaming at the mouth and convulsing. Agrippina appeared to attempt to force Claudius to vomit the poison by sticking a feather down his throat.  Of course, the feather was also poisoned by Locusta with a potent toxin.  Emperor Claudius died a short time later.

When Nero came to throne, he made Locusta his personal assassin.  Among another of her famous hits was the poisoning of his brother, Britannicus, whom he felt threatened his rule.  Between 55 and 68 AD, Locusta was responsible for removing a number of Nero’s rivals and enemies.  Of course, Nero was not a popular Emperor, and after the burning of Rome he was stripped of his titles and declared an enemy of the state by the senate.  After Nero’s suicide Rome fell into a chaotic civil war as Roman generals and warlords fought for control over the empire.  One of these generals, a short reigning Emperor named Galba, despised Locusta because of her former status as Nero’s chief assassin.  On January 15th, 69 AD, Locusta was dragged from her home into the streets of Rome, and was publicly executed.

Marcus Aurelius on Getting Out of Bed,

At dawn, when you have trouble getting out of bed, tell yourself: “I am rising to do the work of a human being. What do I have to complain about, if I’m going to do what I was born for—the things I was brought into the world to do? Or is this what I was created for? To huddle under the blankets and stay warm?” But it’s nicer here …

So were you born to feel “nice”? Instead of doing things and experiencing them? Don’t you see the plants, the birds, the ants and spiders and bees going about their individual tasks, putting the world in order, as best they can? And you’re not willing to do your job as a human being? Why aren’t you running to do what your nature demands? But we have to sleep sometime… Agreed. But nature set a limit on that, as it did on eating and drinking. And you’re over the limit. You’ve had more than enough of that. But not of working. There’s still more of that to do.

You don’t love yourself enough. For if you did, you’d love your nature too, and what it demands of you. People who love what they do wear themselves down doing it, they even forget to wash or eat. Do you have less respect for your own nature than the engraver does for engraving, the dancer for the dance, the miser for money or the social climber for status? When they’re really possessed by what they do, they’d rather stop eating and sleeping than give up practicing their arts. Is not then your labor in the world just as worthy of respect and worth your effort?

Meditations, Book 5, Paragraph 1

Two Types of Ravenclaws
  • Ravenclaw 1: *chopping up some basil*
  • Ravenclaw 2: Basil is a pretty good name
  • Ravenclaw 1: Like Basil Rathbone, the late English actor
  • Ravenclaw 2: It was also a common name among Eastern Roman Emperors and the source of the name Vasily in Russian

Kane’s return now has no sense 😒
Now is Shield moment and this is something between Roman and Kane 😑
The logic thing was that Roman defeated Braun and Kane take this place for 4vs3 😬
Now 5vs3 isn’t logic, but we know that will not be a problem for our boys 😜

(gif created by me)