//aaaaaand winners have been picked!

@crocus-procella @genericnarutoblog and @simplyonehellofahokage each win a one-shot fic from me, I will be poking each of y’all once I ah, deal with a little bit of RL that popped up – or y’all can poke me first whichever one man.


i think i just died

Imagine Carl makes a bet with you, and he wins. He says he wants a kiss from you, and you smile and roll eyes saying no, but he points out that you said winners choice.


his body roll is killin me (via

“A List from the PunMaster”

For those of you who follow the blog closely, you’ll know that one or two tricksters have been flooding our inbox with puns for the past couple of weeks. When we brought it up in a post (click here), we got many responses asking for us to post every pun we received. So, here we are, and here are the numerous puns:

  • What does a Japanese dog say to greet another? Konichihuahua
  • Rest in peace, boiled water. You will be mist.
  • When chemicals die, do scientists barium?
  • What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast? A synonym roll.
  • Gaston is the winner of the No Belle prize
  • Just remember: if you ever get cold, stand in the corner because they’re around 90°.
  • What do you call a pig’s special karate move? A pork chop.
  • Cinderella was cut from the team because she was always running from the ball.
  • What starts and ends with “e” but only has one letter?
  • Does your town play the Lottery? I hope not. I wouldn’t want you to get stoned if you won.
  • The king looked outside his window and stared up at the darkening sky, lips slightly turned up. A servant came into his room to help the king prepare for the day and inquired as to how he was fairing. The king’s response was neither one of feeling well or otherwise, only a simple, “It shall be another reign-y day.”
  • What do you call a lazy joey? A pouch potato.
  • To be honest, sometimes I wish that Harry had named Hedwig “Hoodini” instead. Then they’d both be magical. And hoo knows, maybe Hedwig could have escaped death, too. [I apologize for that last part]
  • You’re flooded? Sorry, but I can’t really help that I’m dripping with good puns.
  • Sorry if I do any bad chemistry jokes. All the good ones Argon.
  • I kind of feel bad for all the Christian Bale “Batman” fans, the newer actor really seems to be Affleckting them.
  • If Nixon had been an animal, he most likely would have been a crookodile
  • Do you know what the real Instagram is? Putting your grandmother on speed-dial.
  • Hey, if the past, present, and future all walked into the same bar, don’t you think it would be really tense?
  • What was Socrates’ favorite thing to mold? Play-Doh
  • Do you think writers ever get cold? After all, they are surrounded by drafts.
  • What’s the best way to get an English major in the mood? Metaphor play.
  • When he was younger, my brother wanted to be an astronaut, but to be honest, he’s only reached the first syllable.
  • Hey, is your left eye okay??? Because you’ve been looking just right all day.
  • What’s the difference between calculators for middle and high school math? 5318008 vs I WANT TO DIE


it sits atop a snowball and scurries around to stay on top as it rolls around. they once competed to make the biggest snowball, the winner taking everyone elses snowballs, however the competition became impossible to win, as the winners snowball grew bigger and bigger every year, eventually growing so big that it replaced the moon while nobody was looking.