roll the ugliness

10

“ I DIDN’T say it w a s the SMART thing,

but it IS the RIGHT thing. ”

No one wants to hear about
the less glorious side of heartache—
when it’s more than just heartache.

When the only thing you can count as groceries
is $8 ice cream and sugar shit because health
isn’t really something to worry about anymore.

When the obsessive compulsion to check
three different social media sites every
three seconds turns into hours.

When coming home to Netflix is the only way
to forget that life isn’t like the romantic comedies
where it all works out in the end.

When the only one you think can fix you
is the one who broke you.

When sleep doesn’t come until 3am
no matter how bright it is
when you sink into bed.

When thinking about death doesn’t feel that scary anymore.

Just get through it just get through it just get through it just get through it
becomes a daily mantra.

And you know it will get better eventually—
but what if eventually never comes?
—  23/05/17

Mike: *uses his hands as a microphone* WAFFLES ARE GROSS!

Eleven: *materializes beside him* Take that back.

Mike: *blinking back tears* I didn’t think that would actually work.

Alec seeing Magnus’ cat eyes for the first time

“No, don’t.” Alec said. He raised his hands and gently put it on Magnus’. “Don’t do that.” Carefully he led Magnus’ hands away from his eyes and, still holding them, lowered both of their arms together. “Why not?” Magnus asked, his voice trembling. Magnus held on to Alec’s hands, not daring to let go of them because he knew if he did he would hide his eyes again. But clearly Alec wanted to look at them. So he let him, but the warlock wanted to avoid Alec’s stare of potential fear so bad that he couldn’t bring himself to look anywhere else than the ground. “Because you don’t have to. Please just… just look at me.” Alec answered, putting all the gentleness and reassurance he had in this one sentence to make Magnus believe he meant it and there was nothing for him to be ashamed of. He watched Magnus and knew from the look on his face that this was the least thing the warlock wanted to do in that moment. Magnus fought with himself, he knew it, but he also needed to look at him in order for Alec to tell him all the things he wanted to tell him. Then, after a few seconds, Magnus took a deep breath and did the bravest thing he ever did in all the years he lived. He raised his head to look at Alec.

He did it. His hideous warlock mark was exposed in front of one of the few Shadowhunters he ever truly loved. All the wards he built around himself, his soul, his heart, his eyes, removed by a single look at the boy. Magnus was sure he never looked as vulnerable as he did now, standing in the middle of his living room, just looking at the boy he loved so much, his hands shaking while still holding on to Alec’s. He was also never as afraid of someone’s reaction as he was now in this very moment, because thousands of people reacted in the same, humiliating, mortifying way. And he wasn’t sure if he could take another one from someone so close to his heart he didn’t want to ever lose.

Alec’s eyes widened as he fully saw Magnus’ amazing yellow-green cat eyes for the first time. He still held Magnus’ hands and felt them shaking in his. “You’re… they’re… I… I don’t… I’m… ” Alec stammered as he kept on staring at them. His mind just blacked out at the sight of Magnus’ warlock mark that he now stood there and was out of words. He knew he needed to say something, he wanted to say something, he wanted to talk to Magnus so badly and tell him so many things at once, but now he just couldn’t think of anything to say. Even Alec’s jaw now began to drop a tiny bit.

Magnus knew it would be that way. He knew it. Why did he even hope for some other reaction from a Shadowhunter than the usual one. Alec wasn’t as different from the others as he thought in the end. If he would just start talking instead of just standing there and staring at him, obviously shocked. If he would just show his fear, his disgust like everyone else did. Magnus couldn’t take the silence any longer. He felt his eyes start to tear up, the last thing he needed right now. He hated to cry in front of people. He bit his lip and hoped it would help, but it didn’t. “Please, Alec. Say something.” Magnus nearly whispered and only barely managed to not let his voice break. “Say anything, but just please stop this silence.”

“I’m trying Magnus, I really am.” Alec answered. He took a second to clear his thoughts. “But… your eyes, they… they look so…” He stopped. He searched for the right word to say. Good, great, amazing, wonderful, stunning. None of these words seemed to fit to describe the beauty that was his boyfriend’s mark. Suddenly, a tear started to roll down Magnus’ cheek. “Ugly? Hideous? Unnatural?” Magnus ended Alec’s sentence, his voice shaky. He freed his hands out of Alec’s grip and let them hang loose at his sides. Blinking away tears he met Alec’s eyes, who was now looking at him even more shocked than before. “There’s nothing I haven’t heard yet, Alec. I believe I know what you’re thinking. So go on. Tell me how hideous I am. Tell me I’m a monster. Tell me you don’t want to have anything to do with a filthy demon spawn.” Magnus balled his hands into fists, desperately trying to prevent himself from crying even more. But nothing worked. “Do you think I haven’t seen that exact reaction hundreds of times before? Do you think I don’t know people are acting nice but are actually scared of me? I might act like I don’t care but do you know what? It hurts. It hurts somewhere deep inside me and it already hurt more times than I could count.” Tears were now streaming down his face, he didn’t look at Alec anymore, avoided eye contact because he felt so ashamed of himself once again, and this time it was even worse because it was his dear Alexander. As he spoke the next sentence, his voice finally started cracking. “I thought you were different. Different from all your Shadowhunter friends who think they’re oh so better than everyone else. Who don’t have a problem with calling me “Warlock” as if it were the filthiest curse word, who don’t even really look at me once they’ve seen my mark, who don’t consider for one second that I might as well have something like feelings. You’re all just the same.”

Alec went utterly silent, honestly shocked of what Magnus just said. He wanted to hold him, kiss him and tell him he wasn’t like that. He wanted to heal the broken part of Magnus’ soul, wanted him to forget all the words people insulted him with, all the heartbreaks. He wanted to tell him his eyes were the most beautiful thing he ever saw. That was the word he was searching for before. Beautiful. Alec reached out his hands to take Magnus’ again and tell him all of that, but just as he was about to move closer to him and start talking, Magnus flinched away from his touch. “That’s… that’s not true, Magnus. Believe me.” Alec began, his hand still stretched out a few inches in front of Magnus’.

“You know it’s true. And it’s horrible. Every single time it’s horrible.” Magnus answered in a chocked voice. “Ever since I was a kid and my mother killed herself after she saw them the first time, I hated showing them to anyone.” He pointed at his eyes. “Even my own mother thought I’m a monster. And there were many after her that thought and still think the same. Now even the boy I thought I could trust.” He hated it, but right in the moment he looked at Alec as he said the last sentence, everything came crushing down on him. All the insults, the hurt he always tried to conceal with witty remarks and so many more buried pain he had to bare because he was what he was and he had what he had.

“Don’t you dare say that, Magnus!” Alec couldn’t take it any longer and grabbed his boyfriend’s shoulders. “You’re wrong.” There followed a silence where just Magnus’ sniffling was audible. Alec reached up to Magnus’ face to carefully wipe a tear away that slowly made its way down his right cheek, where Alec let his hand rest. Magnus closed his eyes and lowered his head. “I don’t think your cat eyes are hideous Magnus. They’re part of who you are. And people who won’t accept that are stupid. Don’t you dare think I would be disgusted or afraid or anything of you. Don’t you dare ever think that!” “You… you really mean that?” Magnus asked after he processed what Alec just said, his eyes still closed. “Yes I do.” Magnus’ mouth formed itself into a little relieved smile, he again could feel tears coming up. But now they were happy tears. His boyfriend did actually accept who he was, he couldn’t believe it.

Magnus was so incredibly happy, he put his hand over Alec’s on his cheek and let himself draw closer to Alec. He felt Alec putting his other hand under his chin. “Open your eyes my dear.” he said and raised Magnus’ chin up so that he was looking at Alec when he opened his eyes a few moments later. “You actually mean that, Alexander?” Magnus asked quietly, only to convince himself even more. “Yes.” “You really do?” “Magnus I assure you, I swear by the Angel, I mean it.” Magnus was still red- and wet eyed, but he grinned. A vow to the Angel. From a Shadowhunter. That was something. But just to be really sure, he narrowed his eyes and asked again. “By what angel?”

“Dear god, Magnus.” Alec now grinned too. He put his other hand on Magnus’ left cheek, so that the warlock’s face was cupped and looked him deep in the eyes. “I swear, on the Angel Raziel, that I, Alexander Gideon Lightwood, accept you, Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn, as you are. You have cat eyes and that’s okay. You don’t ever have to be ashamed, and you better don’t ever think that I hate them again, because I don’t. Is that good enough of an oath to you?” Magnus looked very serious during Alec’s vow, but began to smile again now and that was all Alec needed to know it was good enough.

“It was. It really was Alexander. And I swear I will never let myself believe again that you wouldn’t accept who I am.” He put his hands on Alec’s hip, and because Alec still cupped his face, he didn’t have any other choice but to look at Alec and smile at him. He felt Alec moving closer to him, but before he could bend down to kiss him, Magnus had to get another thing off his chest. A few weeks ago, he had told Alec that he unlocked something in Magnus but he wasn’t aware that the Shadowhunter boy he didn’t even know that long, managed to unlock parts of Magnus’ soul he didn’t show anyone but himself before. “Alexander… you should know though, that until this day, I try really hard to accept my mark. Some days I don’t have a problem with showing them, at least when I’m not around mundanes. But there are some days where I just hate them. Especially after someone once again showed me what he thinks of them. Be it through looks or through insults. On those days I hate them so incredibly much because all they ever did was bring me pain. That’s why I mostly glamour them, why I didn’t show them to you from the beginning. That’s why I didn’t want you to see them, because I was sure the minute you’d see them you would end all of this. As so many before you did. But you didn’t and I’m forever incredibly grateful for that. But Alexander, the truth is that I doubt I’ll ever fully accept my mark. You know, my cat eyes, they are…” “… beautiful.” Alec quietly ended the sentence.

Alec ended Magnus’ sentence with the one word he thought would ever be remotely accurate to  describe the yellow-green colouring of the irises and the perfectly slit-shaped pupils of his boyfriend’s eyes. A moment later, the most amazing eyes he ever saw widened and the pupils thickened a tiny bit. “They’re… they’re what?” Magnus asked surprised. Did he just not get that right or did Alec just say his eyes were… beautiful? His mark has been called many things, many many things, but never beautiful. Interesting, fascinating, captivating, those were some of the best things they’ve been called by people who actually liked Magnus. But beautiful was utterly new. And unexpected. Very very unexpected. Magnus stared at Alec with disbelief in his wide open eyes.

“You don’t believe me, do you?” Alec asked gently, stroked the warlock’s left cheek with his thumb and watched Magnus slowly shake his head afterwards. “No one ever called them that Alexander. No one. Not once. I didn’t think anyone would ever do. I don’t even believe it myself, how should anyone else ever think that?” he said sadly, his grip on Alec’s hips getting tighter to remind himself he’s actually there and actually just said that. He watched as Alec moved his head closer to his and felt his hands moving down to Magnus’ shoulder again. And there it was. The smile he loved so incredibly much. The gentle tiny, light-up-the-world Alec-smile. “Oh Magnus.” Alec whispered, if to himself or to Magnus, he didn’t know.  

There was now barely any space left beween them and the remaining space got filled with Alec gently resting his forehead against Magnus’. Alec holding Magnus by the shoulders and Magnus holding Alec by the hips, their foreheads touching they stood there for a few moments, just looking at each other, until Alec cleared his throat and whispered “They’re so so beautiful, they’re… you’re so beautiful.” Alec brought his head even closer to Magnus’ than it already was and had his lips now nearly touching Magnus’. They both let their lips hovering over each others for a few hearbeats. “My god, you’re so beautiful.” Alec whispered against Magnus’ lips and finally, finally kissed him.

They kissed once before, at Alec’s almost-wedding with Lydia. But that kiss was totally utterly different to the one they shared now. The wedding kiss was fierce, intense and full of desire from both of them. The kiss now was slow, gentle, intense in a whole other meaning. Alec was so incredibly tender, he wanted Magnus to know how ridiculously in love he was with him, wanted him to believe everything he just said through that kiss. They both could feel each others heart beat, Alec realizing that right now, in that moment, both their hearts beat as one. It felt like they shared one heart together, which Alec was sure, was actually the case from now on. Magnus felt it too and was taken aback in the best way he could imagine, that after all those years, he finally found true love again. And not only true love. He found someone who would fight with him against any evil in this world and he couldn’t describe to anyone how happy and grateful he was for that.

They both weren’t sure how much time had passed during the kiss, but they were both still standing, Alec now cupping Magnus’ face again and both of them not wanting to move their head away from the other. Alec started to whisper against Magnus’ lips again. “You’re so beautiful Magnus.” “You already said that.” Magnus whispered back and smiled, he now cupped Alec’s face too. “I know but… it seemed worth repeating. And I will repeat it over and over again until you believe it. And even then I will tell you again and again.” “You’re so sure I will eventually believe it?” Magnus asked. He honestly wanted to know if someone could actually do that. “I will help you to.” Alec answered and brushed his lips against Magnus’. “You know why?” “Why?” “Because…” Alec placed a kiss on the edge of Magnus’ mouth. “… you should know you’re beautiful…” Another kiss on Magnus’ left cheekbone. “… just the way you are.” A third one on the edge of his mouth again. Alec closed his eyes. “Magnus Bane, you are the most beautiful human being there ever was and ever will be. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. The people who don’t appreciate you don’t deserve to even be in your presence. They don’t deserve you, because you are so kind, so loving, and so incredibly optimistic even after living so long. They don’t deserve you, because you deserve the universe. You don’t know it, but I do.”

“My dear Alexander, how do I deserve you?” Magnus asked in a husky voice, being very moved from Alec’s little speech. “I just told you. You needed someone to tell you the truth.” Magnus let out a sigh and pulled Alec into a tight hug, because right now he didn’t have any other idea what to do. “I know and I thank you a thousand times for that. But I have to note one thing. You said ‘human being’…” “Yes, and?” “You know I’m a warlock. I’m not a human being.” “Technically, yes. But not to me. To me you are exactly what I said.” Alec answered and buried his face in Magnus’ neck. “I wish I knew how to find the words to describe to you what this all means to me. Until I find them, thank you. Just thank you, Alexander.” He began to stroke Alec’s hair and felt the boy smile against his shoulder. “And I promise you, no glamouring of my cat eyes anymore when we’re together. Because a certain someone told me I don’t have to change myself. And I won’t.” he added and began to smile himself. As an answer, Alec squeezed him a little tighter for a second.

So they stood there for a few minutes, until Alec started asking questions like “What happens if you’re pissed? Do your pupils then get three times their normal size? Oh my god, can you see in the dark?” and some more. Magnus had to get himself a glass of wine. He was in the middle of pouring him a glass in as he heard Alec shout from the living room “Will you ever stop drinking?” “I don’t think so, Alexander.” he answered and grinned.

anonymous asked:

RFA and unknown with chubby!mc on the beach. Some guys harass her abt being fat in her swimsuit. How does each person react?

HELLO MOD SAERAN HERE :)) *WARNING*: heavy body shaming please read at your own risk, as a chubby person this can trigger >.< so please read at your own risk BUT IF YOU DO JUST KNOW EACH MAN/WOMEN DEFENDS YOU LIKE THE BEAUTIFUL GODDESS YOU ARE!

Zen:

-In exactly two weeks, your boyfriend will have his first day off in months because he started his new movie. After the RFA party, Zen became a bigger name in Korea. He even reached all the way to the United States. For exactly 6 months you and Zen were in Los Angeles, California, filming one of his new movies. You were handling the fame well according to Zen’s eyes but…. he didn’t know that you contemplated leaving him so many times. The reason for that is because you were bullied by fans every day….. from social media….the press…..and his fan letters. Nothing compares to his extreme fan girls because they all made fun of you because you were chubby.

-Before his rise to fame, Zen knew you were insecure of your body and he always reminded you he loved your rolls. He loved grabbing it and kissing it when you guys were intimate *cough fucking cough* so you slowly were learning to love yourself by the help of Zen. However, it wasn’t easy because you were with the most perfect man in the entire universe. He was the head of many Fashion Magazines and was even offered to be a model. He declined the modeling job because he wanted to focus on acting. So you were always the girl who “ was lucky to be with him”. But you learned to hide it well because you didn’t want Zen to worry about you.

-The day finally came and you were hoping he would just want to stay home and relax with you at the house. You heard his footsteps coming closer to you and you were anxious of what he was going to say. “ Baby!! How is my princess” he ran to you hugging you and then picking you up twirling you around. You were always worried about breaking him but he insisted that you were light. “ I’m fine… so where does my Prince Charming want to go on his day off” I giggled while flicking his nose. He smiled and casually said “ let’s go to the beach! I’m in the mood for some waves! I’m going to try surfing again babe! I know.. IT’S NOT GONNA BE LIKE LAST TIME! I will not fall” he laughed while heading towards the closet. You walked after him thinking about why does he WHY the beach. You didn’t want to show your body. People weren’t lying California Girls were beautiful. Sun Kiss skin. Skinny and beautiful. You? Fat. Ugly. Rolls everywhere. Zen notice the change of your face and went to you and grabbed your chin to make him look at him “ if a guy flirts with you I will punch them because you are gorgeous inside and out. I will punch them baby I swear” he brought you closer to him and kissed your forehead gently.

-You guys finally reached the beach and you were wearing a dress swimsuit and Zen was just wearing shorts and a tank top. He looked like one of those Hollister models while you looked like a potato. He held your hand proudly and dragged you so you guys can find a seat. He found an umbrella that was vacant and he got the chairs he was carrying and set everything up. You plopped down the chair and gave a heavy sigh. You were doing okay till you heard a group of guys laughing. “Holy shit EVERYONE LOOK IT’S ZEN AND HIS SHAMOO GIRLFRIEND. I’m surprised you didn’t break the chair sweetie. Next time warn us when you are about to throw yourself !! We are a earthquake state and we don’t want to confuse your falls with an earthquake!!” He was laughing and all his friends were high fiving him. Yo got home and tried running but the sand was slowing you down. “ Awww is the whale having problem running!! You should run more so you can actually look good in a swimsuit” his voice sounded like poison while you fell onto the sand and cried your eyes out.

-You wanted the sand to swallow you up because you can’t believe that Zen even wanted to be with you. “HAHA miss piggy is laughing !! Awww is she to fa-” you heard a body fall onto the sand and heard human flesh being beaten. You turned around and saw Zen rearranging the dudes face. “Don’t you fucking DARE talk about my girlfriend like that. *punch* I am *punch* lucky that she *punch* wants to be *punch* with someone *punch* like *grabs his head and slammed it into the ground* me.” The other friends were starting to run off screaming and Zen was running after his prey. He jumped onto this guy and kicked the air out of him. “ And you wanna be James Franco *kicks* I heard *kicks* your smart remark *kick* that you thought *kick* she deserved *picks him up and throws him to the water* to fucking fall”. The rest of the group were apologizing and left running.

-Zen ran to you with bleeding knuckles helping you up. “Baby I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry those guys hurt you. I’m sorry baby. I’m honored to be your boyfriend. Shit. You are the only one for me I don’t care if you are plus size. Regular size is boring trust me *he gave you a wink* *he hugged you and grabbed onto your ass and smacked it.. hard…* I love that I have more to grab on. Now let’s go wash my baby up so I can eat you” you blushed heavily and left to the car.

Jumin: *NSFW IN THE BEGINNING SORRY*

-Jumin loved everything about you. He loved that you were plus sized. He fucking lived for it. He especially loved it when the two of you were having sex and you sat on his face. He loved being suffocated by your pussy and it juices. From the day he first met you, he loved you. He fucking loved you so much, he would shit talk on designers who didn’t make plus size clothing. He would say it in front of their face. Shit he didn’t give a FUCK. He hired plus size designers to make your clothes and lingerie. If you hated a roll, expect that roll to have hickies and love bites on it. He loved you from the tip of your head to the tip of your toes. Don’t get me started on how he loves that Elizabeth 3rd loves cuddling with you.

-One day he decided to work from home because he wanted to spend time with you and Elizabeth. You were making a big breakfast as always because you cooked for the both of you and the guards. He honestly loved that about you. You were so selfless that you always put yourself last. He just chuckled seeing his employees eating their breakfast nervously because they weren’t use to eating on the clock. However, to ease the situation, you created a system. One group of men would be eating while the other would be outside guarding and then once the men or done eating they will eat. Jumin loved your thinking so he made sure the fridge and cabinets were always in stock. The chef was still employed because you needed help making a big breakfast, lunch and dinner !! When you and Jumin were going out on dates you made sure the chef made food for the guards that were protecting the penthouse. Jumin sweared that each and every passing day he fell more in love with you.

-When he was signing documents and editing them because people can’t tell the difference between Arial and Arial black he overheard you talking to Elizabeth 3rd. “ My lovely Elizabeth…. how I miss the ocean…. I’m not sure if Jumin ever took you near the beach but just hearing the sound of the waves….feeling the wet sand between my toes makes me feel at peace.” You heard her heavily sigh and you heart was about to burst. How can this angel… JESUS Christ. What kind of a man am I for not taking her to a place that she loves. You were about to go to her and ask her for forgiveness until you heard her crying. “ but Elizabeth *meow* the thing is I don’t tell Jumin because I’m ashamed of being next to him in a swimsuit. I’m ugly and fat and he is perfect. He is famous for being rich for crying out loud. Aren’t rich people suppose to be with supermodels and people who are gorgeous, tall, lean, and bright eyes!! I’m fat, ugly, short, with boring eye color.” Jumins heart broke. The guards who were hearing you from the outside were crying. Elizabeth was meowing sadly. The chef who was cleaning his hands in the sink were crying. The whole world was crying. Jumin was going to take you to the fucking ocean even if it means millions of dollars buying out a whole resort with a private beach. GUESS WHAT he did the next min. He bought a fucking resort that had a private beach.

-Jumin was already packing his shit. Jumin was packing your shit. Jumin was packing Elizabeth 3rd Shit. Jumin went outside to the guard and told him to call homes to get their shit pack. He called driver Kim to get the limo ready and to get the jet ready as well. He came to you and told you the news of how he decided to buy a resort and why not use it right now. You hugged him and told him that you were going to get everything ready. You were about to leave for the room but he hugged you from behind and told you that everything was already ready. You told the guards that had to stay :( sorry and that she wishes that they could come along. They fucking loved you. The guards who went along with the chief of security had their bags ready and everything. Because they knew…. they were able to sorta enjoy this mini vacation.

-When you two got there..people were waiting outside to greet the two of you. You guys proceed to head to the presidential suite. You told the guards to take turns sleeping and enjoying the resort. The guards fucking loved you have I mention? They wouldn’t hesitate taking a bullet for you. When you entered the suite you ran to the balcony to look out doors. You were in awe you had to.. YOU JUST HAVE TO GO NOW. You went back inside and Jumin was already in shorts ready to go and he gently threw a swimsuit towards you. You notice it wasn’t your usual dress swimsuit. It was a real bikini one. You looked at Jumin shook. He should know how you feel about this. “You look sexy kitten trust me. It’s going to be only us two it’s a private beach! Please baby pleaaaaseee wear this for daddy ?” He pouted :3 JESUS CHRIST WHEN JUMIN HAN CALLS HIMSELF DADDY WHEN YALL NOT FUCKING IT’S A SERIOUS DEAL. You rolled your eyes and he knew he won >:D.

-You PUT it on and JESUS CHRIST the bikini was beautiful and he went closer to you and wrapped his arns around you tenderly. You flicked his nose “ last one there is going to be submissive” and YOU FUCKING RAN. YOU WERE LIKE RUN FOREST RUN. You ran past some of the guards who were waiting by the elevator “ PUSH THE FUCKING BUTTON PLEASE AND STAAALLLL HIM” they loved moments like these >:3. They pushed the button and you pressed the closed door and you saw Jumin running to Stop the door from closing but a guard was like Mr. Han wait she took the stairs. Jumin knew that wasn’t you because who the fuck like taking stairs. He heard you laugh when the door closed and he took the stairs. He went down 13 flights of stairs quickly and then went to the elevator and pressed the button and when it opened you were shook. He was sweaty and had a smirk on his face. When the elevator hit the 1st floor. You pushed him to the far corner of the elevator and ran for it. He obviously caught up to you and picked you up and had you over his shoulder laughing. You two finally reached the beach and he put you down gently and kissed you. He loved seeing you smile because it made him feel warm inside.

-The other guards were patrolling the area to make sure there were no intruders in Mr. Hans resort. You waved at them and they waved back. You ran to the ocean till you heard a group of girls calling for you. You looked around and you saw a group of girls with their boyfriends. You knew they were making fun of you and it hurt so much. “ Wow I didn’t know fat people like you actually have Bikinis made for them. Sweetie 2 piece are only made for us skinny people.” She laughed. “ Yeah whoever told you that you actually looked decent lied to your fucking face because god *he closed his eyes* you would even make a blind man cringe in disgust”. Tears were rolling down your face so quickly. You just wanted to have a good time but this THIS group had to ruin everything. You turned back and you saw mad fucking men. Jumin was giving death glares to the man who was harassing you. The 3 guards on his each side of him was ready to fucking attack because no one messes with you ESPECIALLY CAUSE YOU WERE SO NICE AND LOVING TO THEM. Jumin slowly walked to the guy and looked down on him “ you really think you’re a big shot aren’t you. News flash. You ain’t shit *looked at the female who made fun of you * and you ain’t shit. Now if you would excuse me *HE FUCKING PUNCH THE GUY AND HE WAS K/O WITH ONE FUCKING PUNCH. Jumin had a serious face “ attack now.” THE GUARDS WERE UNLEASHED AND THEY FCKING CHASED AND BEAT DOWN THE OTHER MALES. Jumin picked up you and took you to the ocean. He whispered words of love and care into your ear until you started to believe them again.

Yoosung:

-Yoosung joined the coffee club and he actually participated in every single event :’D. He was amazing at making coffee now thanks to Jaehee help. You loved it because every time you woke up, there was always a different smell lingering throughout the apartment. You loved it but in the beginning it was nasty smells because POOR BABY WAS WAS WAASSS JUST EXPERIMENTING. But after months of patients and LOVE, he became really good at it. For Christmas one year, jaehee bought him a coffee making set and you bought him all the ingredients he needed. He cried so hard because you always believed in him from the very beginning. He always told you that you were his inspiration for trying to make the best coffee in the world.

-So slowly, yoosung was climbing thru the ranks of the coffee club and ended up Vice President :’D. When he was announced that he was chosen to be Vice President, he was being manly and told them that they will always make amazing coffee. When the both of you got home, HE TACKLED YOU AND HUGGED YOU AND CRIED. POOR BABY. Yoosung being Vice President actually made the coffee club more fun because there were always bonding activities. You always refused to go and told him to spend time with his friends and that you were gonna stay home and continue studying. He was hesitant that something was wrong but being the theater major that you are, you convinced him that nothing was wrong :).

-However, you promised him to go to one event and that he better chose it good. You thought he forgot about it but one day he came SCREAMING into the building and you heard him all the way up from the 3rd floor. JESUS he was that loud. “ BAAAABBBBBYYY BAABABBABAYYYYYY I HAVE NEEEWWSS  FOR YOU!!” You heard him singing baby and oh god what is it now. He kicked the door open and he was in flip flops and shorts with an LOL tank top. “ BABE GET READY WE ARE HEADING TO THE BEACH. THIS IS MY EVENT OF CHOOSING LETS GO” He said with a grin. You heard him breathing heavily and you were thinking, did he really ran all the way to the house from campus. Dear god he was serious. You went to the bedroom and changed into your two piece that can be mistaken for a swim dress but it wasn’t. You then put regular clothes over and ready to go face the beach with a fake smile :(. When you were on the club bus to head to the beach he notice that you didn’t have a real smile on your face and he asked what’s wrong and you just shook it off and said nothing that you were worrying about an assignment. HE BLAMED HIMSELF FOR DRAGGING YOU THERE. HE EVEN TOLD YOU HE WILL PRACTICE LINES WITH YOU AND EVERYTHING TO MAKE UP FOR THE SUDDEN ADVENTURE. You gave him one of your famous smiles and he kissed your forehead. If only he knew….

-You guys arrived at the beach and you wanted to just say sitting on the bench. You saw the rest of the members taking of their clothes to be just with their swim suits, running to the ocean. You wish you had the confidence to do that. Yoosung took of his tank top and and was ready to run for it but he saw that you weren’t moving. He went closer to you and you know you had to do it before he started worrying again. You took of the clothes and were just in your swimsuit and his nose started to bleed. He always believed you were a thick goddess made just for him. You cleaned his nose with your shirt. He grabbed your hand and made you run with him. You were starting to enjoy yourself because your boyfriend was laughing and his laugh made you smile. You guys made it to the water and jumped in. You were having a blast till….. “DAMN FAT ASS YOU CAUGHT US OFF GUARD. YOU CREATED AN EXTRA WAVE.” they laughed while pointing at you. Yoosung notice and he looked at you and everything clicked for him.

-”EVERYONE A WHALE IS IN SHORE OH MY GOD EVERYONE BE CAREFUL WE MIGHT GET A TSUNAMI.” The group of jerks continued to laugh. Tears were forming in your eyes and you grabbed yoosung hands and tried dragging him away. He took his hand away from you and you saw his eyes were dark purple. Oh shit. The man as come out. He ran there like a fucking bull and jumped onto the guy and was destroying him. The guys friends were calling 911 because yoosung was going animalistic. The police came and it took 4 officers to get yoosung off the guy. Yoosung was yelling and him and you were crying. You were a mess. You called Jumin because you needed help bailing yoosung out of jail. Jumin picked you up 3 mins after you called him and followed the police car to jail. Before they were going to book him, Jumin put a briefcase down and pushed the button to open it. There was 2 millions dollars in that suitcase and they let yoosung go without booking him. Jumin gave the two of you a ride in his limo back to his apartment and he asked what in the world happened. You told him with tears in your eyes and he looked at yoosung and gave him a smirk. He told him that he was proud. you guys got home and you gave him the biggest hug and told him thank you. He cried.

Jaehee *she is gonna be short*

-You guys were set to go on a date on the beach. She knew your insecurities but she didn’t give a fuck what other people said because she loved you and your thick self. So to make compromise with you because she wanted you to have a good time and be comfortable, it was suppose to happen around 7:30.

-you decided to meet her there because she wanted to go early and prepare everything. She wanted everything to be romantic. So since you knew there were going to be few people there are the beach, you decided to wear a bikini and you wore a dress over it. You were excited to go see the love of your life :’D

-you arrived at the beach and now you were just looking for the tower she texted you to arrive at. You were walking on the sand heading your way over to the tower. Fuck. You saw a group of college students having a bonfire. Shit they are drinking. You start to pick up the pace hoping PRAYING they won’t notice you. Sadly, god was busy taking other people’s request. “HEY DONUT WHY DON’T YOU COME OVER HERE AND LET US ROAST YOUR FATASS”. His other friend “ YEAH I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU HAVE TO USE CURTAIN DRAPES AS CLOTHES” she laughed evilly. God you wanted to cry but you kept walking. But then the bitch who told you about using curtains as clothes followed you calling you names. You wanted it to stop. You wanted to find jaehee. You started to run and the BITCH was running after you calling you names. You kept running faster until you heard a thud behind you. You decided to stop running and you looked back. You saw your girlfriend kicking her fucking ass. She dislocated her shoulder and broke her nose. She got sand and threw it to her face and then Jaehee spit on her.

-She walked over to you and hugged you and kissed your lips gently and then went towards your neck and gave it little nibbles. She loved you for who you are and she kissed you again while gripping your thighs.

Saeyoung: *he is gonna be short as well*

-You guys finally decided to get out of the house for once. You both wanted fresh air and he insisted on going to the beach and you told him no. You wanted to go to the mountains. He told you no. He said beach. You said mountains. But you felt bad because he really wanted to go to the beach and you weren’t going to let your DAMN insecurity keeping you from having a good time. You finally said yes and he grabbed your hips and pulled you towards him for a deep kiss. He gripped your ass and you guys had a quickie. Lol.

-You guys took a shower together a quick one and got ready. You were putting on a swim suit dress and he shakes his head. He made you put on a bikini because he believed that you had the sexiest body ever. You blushed because he looked at you with hunger. You put a shirt and a skirt over it so you can go out in public normal. He got ready as well and it was off to the beach !

-When you guys got there he notice the sand was really hot. Like burning hot and he didn’t want your feet to get blisters. So he told you to hop on his back and that he was going to carry you till you guys got to the squishy sand. He notice that you were hesitating so he just picked you up bridal style and gave you a smirk. He was strolling by the volleyball court and you were nervous. He were hiding your face between your hands. He told you that he wasn’t going to let you fall but oh boy. That was the last thing you were thinking. You notice that two men were laughing and pointing at you and you were guessing your boyfriend didn’t notice. Damn how you wanted him to move faster. WHY WAS HE BEING SO SLOW. “Hey bud!! Red head” one of them yelled. Saeyoung turned around to face them “ yeah what is it?”he said with a blank expression. “ do you need help with carrying the heavy load” his friends were laughing. Saeyoung put you down kissed your foreheads and smiled. He went over and basically made the guy lose 2 teeth. He then looked for his wallet and destroyed everything of his and his family and his friends when you two got home. He left them bankrupt. He put them as felons. You name it he already did it. He wasn’t going to let a fuck boy hurt his goddess shit. You two still HE a nice time at the beach tho C:

Saeran:

-you two were already at the pier. Both of you guys finished your bi weekly appointment of therapy. He was slowly going back into society. You loved him so much. He was in love with you and he believed he owed his life to you. Therapy was always interesting because the session was suppose to be about him but someone he made it about the both of you. So it was like couples therapy. You were annoyed at first but then Saeran said the both of you should become better people. When he notice how much you hate yourself because you categorize yourself as “ fat” he knew he had to change your mind. No matter how many times he called you beautiful, you didn’t pay attention to him.

-That’s when he started talking about your insecurities and how it affects him because he gets so flabbergasted that an angel sent from the heaven above… Hates herself. The therapy was good for each individual but it made the relationship stronger. You guys were able to communicate more and everything. The love was amazing, the sex was phenomenal, the communication was great, life was perfect for him. He started to call saeyoung brother and not idiot brother. Everything was going good C:   

-You guys were eating ice cream on the pier enjoying each other’s presence and the sounds of the wave crashing onto the sand. He looked at you so lovingly as if he was admiring the work of art. “Pecan *YES HE CALLS YOU AFTER AN ICE CREAM FLAVOR* can we go down to the beach?” He said softly. You got up and cleaned your mouth and cleaned his *HE WAS BLUSHING MY POOR HUSBAND* and went your way down to the beach.

-You took off your sandals and he took of his shoes and rolled up pants. You were wearing shorts so you were good. You guys strolled down the whole beach with the water reaching up to your ankles. You felt so happy. So truly happy. You saw this old couple and you asked if they were nice enough to take pictures for they both of you and they happily obliged. You guys had a little photo shoot and each and every single picture was of the both of you smiling and kissing. The couple prayed that you will last until the both of you reached the heaven above. Everything was perfect. Until you saw a man pointing at you and laughing. He came closer and you were waiting for him to say something mean. You closed your eyes waiting to hear the poison entering your brain. But. Nothing. FUCKING. Happened. You opened your eyes and saw the guy looking a bit nervous. He then proceeded to tell you that you were very beautiful and that you guys look like an amazing couple. He then ran off and you looked at Saeran and before he could change his facial expression he had his death glare on. Then he changed into a smile and kissed you and smacked your ass lightly. You laughed and he did too and you continue walking with him hand in hand

-SHIT YALL THOUGHT SAERAN WAS GONNA BEAT PEOPLES ASSES. SAERAN DONT BEAT PEOPLE HE KILLS THEM. HE ALREADY MADE THE MAN NERVOUS WITH JUST HIS STARE. LMAAOO YALL DONT WANT TO MESS WITH SAERAN WHEN IT COMES TO HIS BROTHER, THE RFA, ICE CREAM, OR YOU LMAOOO. IF YALL WANNA DIE, TALK SHIT OR LOOK AT THEM NASTY. SHIIITT. YALL THOUGHT.

4
«My only hope is for one word. 
A simple, trivial word from a certain person...
For the sake of hearing that word, I have come through countless humiliating defeats!..
»

I just want to be pretty for him. I dont want to feel my stomach roll onto the bed when we cuddle, or hav him grab the fat on me when he touches me. I want to be able to fit my fingers around my wrist again, and not to have fat rolls on my arms. I want to be able to look back at him when he looks at me, instead of panicking because I know he can see all of the fat. Fat. Fat. FAT.

May Book Haul

I went a little crazy this month…

Daughter of the Pirate King by Tricia Levenseller

Three Dark Crowns by Kendare Blake

Lord of Shadows by Cassandra Clare

The Shadowhunters Codex by Cassandra Clare and Joshua Lewis

The Wrath and the Dawn by Renee Ahdieh

The Rose and the Dagger by Renee Ahdieh

Flame in the Mist by Renee Ahdieh

A Court of Wings and Ruin by Sarah J. Mass

Alex and Eliza: A Love Story by Melissa de la Cruz

Royce Rolls by Margaret Stohl

The Glittering Court by Richelle Mead

Fairest by Marissa Meyer

Stars Above by Marissa Meyer

Heartless by Marissa Meyer

Unravel Me by Tahereh Mafi

Ignite Me by Tahereh Mafi

Specials by Scott Westerfeld

Extras by Scott Westerfeld

Reached by Ally Condie

Kiss of Deception by Mary E. Pearson

Beauty of Darkness by Mary E. Pearson

Heart of Betrayal by Mary E. Pearson

Wayfairer by Alexandra Bracken

Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo

Siege and Storm by Leigh Bardugo

Ruin and Rising by Leigh Bardugo

The Retribution of Mary Dyer by Michelle Hodkin

Truthwitch by Susan Dennard

King’s Cage by Victoria Aveyard

youtube

this is the cutest video I’ve seen in my life