role playing game dice

Actual conversations in D&D: #01

(This was an early 3.5 game.)

DM: “You walk into a room filled with darkness–”

Wizard: “I cast ‘Magic Missile’ on 'the darkness’.”

*Rest of the part cracks up laughing*

Rogue: (out of character) “Y'know, he may have something there. I mean, magic missile is a guranteed hit. It can’t miss according to the PHB. Just check the spell list.”

Cleric: (out of character) “He’s right. *reads the spell description verbatim from the PHB*. See, it can’t miss under any circumstances.”

DM: *sigh* “Can we just forget this and move on?”

Wizard: (out of character) “No, I want to know what happens!”

Rogue: (out of character) “C'mon, tell us!”

Cleric: (out of character) “Might as well play it out. See what happens.”

Fighter: “I’m going to make sure that I’m as far away as possible 'before’ this crap goes on.”

DM: “The fighter smartly stays out of the way. The wizard fires off his 'Magic Missile’ at 'the darkness’. Your spell impacts what seems to be thin air but suddenly you see the very fabric of space and time being torn apart creating a miniature singularity that begins sucking in all matter around it.”

Wizard: (out of character) “Oh f***! Did I just create a black hole?!”

Cleric & Rogue: (out of character) “Oh shit!”

DM: “The singularity pulls you all into its crushing grasp and slowly consumes your whole planet, killing everyone and everything. You all die. The world dies. Everything dies. Game over.”

*The table is deathly silent for a long time.*

Fighter: (out of character) “Can I roll reflex?”

DM: “No.”

Wizard: (out of character) “Uh… Can I take that back and we forget this ever happened?”

DM: “Since I put all this work into the campaign already, sure. You all retain this terrifying memory but time rewinds itself to the point just seconds before you cast the spell.
"This time something is different though. You see a note pinned to the Wizard’s collar.”

Wizard: (out of character) “Can I read it?”

DM: “Yes, it says: 'This is your only warning. Do not f*** around or be stupid with magic. Next time, we erase you. Sincerely, the Inevitable Council.”

*Long silence again.*

Wizard: (out of character): “So… Dark room, right?”

DM: “Yep, dark room again.”

Rogue: (out of character) “I’ll search for traps.”

(To this day my players constantly make the 'I magic missile the darkness’ joke.)

The zodiac signs as Dangerous Woman lyrics

Aries: “Cause tonight I’m making deals with the devil”

Taurus: “A little less conversation, and a little more touch my body”

Gemini: “Cause every time I see you I don’t wanna behave”

Cancer: “I give zero fucks and I got zero chill in me”

Leo: “Never been with a boy more than six months”

Virgo: “I’m on the edge with no control”

Libra: “Ain’t you ever seen a princess be a bad bitch?”

Scorpio: “I ain’t talking money, I’m just physically obsessed”

Sagittarius: “it’s only nature I live for danger”

Capricorn: “Now I laugh about the things that used to be important to me”

Aquarius: “They say it’s wrong, but That’s the way you turn me on”

Pisces: “So name a game to play, and I’ll role the dice”

OWRPG v009 Progress

It’s been a while friends. Time for an update.

Ordinary World RPG version 009 is progressing slowly and steadily. Many mechanics are being revised and tweaked towards the goal of a more satisfying experience. Here is a progress bar on how it’s going.

Basically, for each section the rules and explanations have to be read, tweaked and copied into the new document and then made to fit in the new formatting. Sometimes this goes quickly, other times entire sections need to be rewritten. All in all, it’s a long process but rewarding that this is the final version, as in, there will be none of this massive game-wide revisions anymore. Once v009 is out, testing can begin again.

So that’s where Ordinary World RPG is now. Good standing all around and a hopeful outlook. Hopefully next update will be the release.

Until then!

Just Stay There And Don't Touch Anything

So, fun fact about our party’s pilot. She is min-maxed to favor piloting skills so dramatically that she has been summarily barred from combat situations, negotiations that might at some point lead to combat situations, looking out of windows with a chance of a view of a combat situation, interacting with strangers who have even the faintest chance of initiating any manner of combat situation, or in fact leaving the ship at all. For any reason. Ever.

Her build is centered entirely around flying this ship. She can pretty much do absolutely anything with it that the human mind can imagine. She might break her arm sneezing, but she can fly you through a black hole with her eyes closed. She pretty much never has to roll higher than a four to achieve the impossible.

All our nigh-infallible ace pilot had to do was relocate the ship 200 feet so that we could perform a pickup of our unconscious rogue without having to fight our way through an army of robots.

She proceeded to fail her roll so hard that we teleported to another dimension and accidentally found the plot.