various starters
  • ❛  you’re a weapon and weapons don’t weep.  ❜
  • ❛  hurt me once, I’ll kill you twice.  ❜
  • ❛  never trust a survivor until you learn what they did to stay alive.  ❜
  • ❛  death is the only god that comes when you call.  ❜
  • ❛  I am teeth. I am royal. you are nothing to me.  ❜
  • ❛  the sun will rise and we will try again.  ❜
  • ❛  we’re just kids. we aren’t supposed to be heroes.  ❜
  • ❛  I like my women like I like my Absinthe: bitter and intoxicating.  ❜
  • ❛  what doesn’t kill me better run.  ❜
  • ❛  she wasn’t looking for a knight. she was looking for a sword.  ❜
  • ❛  don’t dehumanize bad people, because it’s their humanity which makes what they’ve done so terrifying.  ❜
  • ❛  she isn’t just pretty. she is otherworldly and vaguely threatening.  ❜
  • ❛  magic is not good or evil. is a knife evil? only if the wielder is.  ❜
  • ❛  I don’t want your crown. see, I’ve come to burn your kingdom down.  ❜
  • ❛  they broke my wings. they forgot I have claws.  ❜
  • ❛  all that blood was never beautiful, it was just red.  ❜
  • ❛  what do you do when there’s no hero in the story? simple. you kill the monster and crown yourself.  ❜
  • ❛  how terrible it is, to love something that death can touch.  ❜
  • ❛  you may not be interested in war, but it is interested in you.  ❜
  • ❛  I feel divinity in my bones like aching. like fire.  ❜
  • ❛  you make me feel and I don’t like it. I want it to stop. now.  ❜
  • ❛  you are losing my interest and that is very dangerous.  ❜
  • ❛  she will burn your kingdoms down, herself with it, if it means your ruin.  ❜
  • ❛  it’s okay to be scared. it means your about to do something brave.  ❜
  • ❛  she looks like divine absolution.  ❜
  • ❛  I will not be another flower, picked for my beauty and left to die. I will be wild, difficult to find and impossible to forget.  ❜
  • ❛  be careful with words. they can be forgive, but never forgotten.  ❜
  • ❛  you not wanting me was the beginning of me wanting myself.  ❜
  • ❛  I’m tired of fighting. for once, I want to be fought for.  ❜
  • ❛  never run back to what broke you.  ❜
  • ❛  I was quite, but not blind.  ❜
  • ❛  your gut knows what’s up. trust that bitch.  ❜
  • ❛  we all eat lies when our hearts are hungry.  ❜
  • ❛  do not judge my story by the chapter you walked in on.  ❜
  • ❛  I’m just a girl, standing in front of a salad, wishing it was a donut.  ❜
  • ❛  you can miss something but not want it back.  ❜
  • ❛  you can’t save people, you can only love them.  ❜
  • ❛  I came, I saw, I made it awkward.  ❜
  • ❛  we buy shite we don’t need, with money we don’t have, to impress people we don’t like.  ❜
  • ❛  you’re always one decision away from a different life.  ❜
  • ❛  my brain has too many tabs open.  ❜
  • ❛  I’m not saying I hate you, just that you’re like the Monday of people.  ❜
  • ❛  there’s no ‘we’ in fries.  ❜
  • ❛  apology accepted, trust denied.  ❜
  • ❛  death and I have been scandalously intimate for some time now.  ❜
  • ❛  life happens. coffee helps.  ❜
  • ❛  I am mine before I am ever anyone else’s.  ❜
  • ❛  I rely a bit too heavily on alcohol and irony.  ❜
  • ❛  very early in my life it was already too late.  ❜
  • ❛  is that a threat or are you flirting with me.  ❜
  • ❛  was the use of force necessary in completing your objectives?  ❜
  • ❛  I’ll let you drag me to hell if it means you’ll hold my hand.  ❜
  • ❛  I do bad things, and I do them very well.  ❜
  • ❛  you drink too much, you cuss too much and you have questionable morals. you’re everything I ever wanted.  ❜
  • ❛  they will kill you, but first they will have to catch you.  ❜
  • ❛  drugs might kill you but they’ll never break your heart.  ❜
  • ❛  good girls are just bad girls that haven’t been caught.  ❜
  • ❛  a pretty face doesn’t guarantee a pretty heart.  ❜
  • ❛  no airbag, we die like men.  ❜
  • ❛  true evil is, above all, seductive.  ❜
  • ❛  it takes more courage to suffer than to die.  ❜
  • ❛  you must be lucky to avoid the wolf every time. but the wolf? he only needs enough luck to catch you once.  ❜
  • ❛  justice is vengeance in prettier packaging.  ❜
How the different D&D spellcasters discover their magic

Wizard: I studied this shit from texts and scrolls and earned the power of the arcane.

Sorceror: I was born with a unqiue gift, I dont need to study like wizards.

Cleric: I devoted myself to the church and have been blessed with spells from my Diety because of my devotion.

Druid: my bond with nature grants me boons of power.

Bard: funny story really. See, I was plucking the old strings here and suddenly I went from being on fire with my performance to my audience being on fire…go figures my music is magic.

When you’ve sneezed 7 times already and don’t want to bother the people around you so you just sit there like

Another Terrible Magic Item Idea: Chainmail Chain Mail

Looks like a suit of masterfully crafted chainmail. Due to its magical enchantment, it provides great protection from weapon impacts, while maintaining an impressive degree of flexibility for the user. But of course, it’s cursed.

Once you put it on, you gain all the defensive benefits of the armor, but you also have to pay the price. The armor can’t be removed through conventional means, and the user has seven days to produce seven copies of this armor and give them to seven other living people.

The copies created will automatically acquire the same properties, as well as the curse, of the original. If the debt is left unpaid by the end of the deadline, the armor will suck the life from the wearer. If it is completed in full, the curse is lifted and the user now has a badass suit of “regular” magical chainmail.

Serial Killer: I’m going to tell you a joke. If you laugh, you die. Okay?

Me: Okay.

Serial Killer: A man walks into a-

Me: