I have these moments...

…when the sun comes out and everything is great…I feel like a person, I feel like myself again. I’m that person everyone expects me to be.

But those moments are only temporary, then I go back to feeling completely inadequate, self conscious and worthless.

I look around and I’m alone again.

I’m withering away, from the outside in…

I’m terrified. I’m truly afraid.

But I’ll just keep telling you “I’m fine”.

…Because that’s what you expect me to be…

‘Race, as a genetic or biological construct, does not exist. Rather, it is a signifying system wherein physical signifiers become connected with concepts of ability to create the 'meaning’ of one’s 'race’ appearance. As in any signifying system, these connections are arbitrary; there is no essential or provable connection between the physical sig­nifiers of 'race’ and the cultural conceptions (and misconceptions) which we assume those physical signifiers point to.
—  Race and Postcolonialism (From Literary Theory: A Guide for the Perplexed by: Mary Kages)

Overwhelmed by the buzzing in my ears from our countless conversations

Deafened by the sound of my own voice proving my love

Battered and bruised from fighting for you

Sore from the constant tugging at my heartstrings every time you leave

Exhausted from trying to make this work



I’m trying so hard and it’s still not enough

And it’s killing me


I will let you call me beautiful

And I won’t cringe

I won’t curve my spine

Like a question mark

Am I?

And twist my face

Because I don’t want you to see how 

I’m blushing


I won’t be ashamed of my appearance

Of the six freckles on my face

Because I’ve counted

That connect with your fingertips

Drawing a beautiful picture


Am I?