rocket garage

Father’s Day Gift Guide

 People struggle with what to get for the dad in their life every year so I’ve put together this 5 item Gift Guide. It’s a cheat sheet for you - and it’s sure to make his day!

1) Isolation!  Get Dad what he really wants this year - just leave him alone. Just go. Do whatever you want for the day. Just do it away from him and do not return for at least five hours in the middle of the day. He’ll be touched by your thoughtfulness. 

2) Silence!  If you’re unable to be physically distant from your father or husband on his special day - do the next best thing and let him bask in the peace that only not hearing other humans can provide. THIS CHEAP GIFT will be sure to help whisk him away to a time and space where people leave him alone and don’t scream in his ears every three seconds for help building legos or because the stomp rocket is on the garage roof - which it shouldn’t even be near because he told them like FIVE THOUSAND TIMES to not play with it near the house.  Anyway, it’ll be like a spa day for his ears.

3) NOT A SPA DAY!  I know this is confusing because I literally just mentioned a spa day but do not get him a massage certificate from a spa. It’s weird, creepy, uncomfortable, and he doesn’t want to put on someone else’s robe.

4) Dinner!  Spoil the father in your life rotten by grilling something for him to eat. Be sure to not talk to him about it ahead of time -  and don’t even bother making side dishes. No, a cold bottle of his favorite beverage is garnish enough for a surprise steak. Perfecto!

5) Help him be less gross!  Men need help being not disgusting. And men’s nostrils are about as bad as it gets. Help him MANSCAPE HIS BOOGER CHUTES and he’ll be forever grateful - mostly because up until now he’s probably just been ripping his nose hair out by hand and that really hurts and makes your eyes water worse than the ending of the Notebook. Not that I do that or watch that. I’m sharing too much.

6) NOT THE NOTEBOOK!  Don’t buy him the Notebook. I’m actually sorry I mentioned it. This gift guide has really gone off the rails. I mean, if he seems like he needs to jot something down, this notebook looks kind of cool. Maybe he’d like it? 

So there you have it. The ultimate Father’s Day Gift Guide-apalooza Rundown. We’re simple creatures. Don’t over complicate it.

(Two ENTP cousins, ages 15 and 13, are meeting for the first time in a couple years.)

ENTP 1: So I found this ten-year-old canister of model rocket fuel in the garage.



*In less than two hours, ENTPs duct tape the rocket fuel to a hammer and detonate it with a car battery charger from the 60s, thus flinging the hammer in to the air in the midst of an enormous fireball.*