i want to turn into a pigeon

i’m squatting atop crushed cigarettes with two other aides
outside the employee entrance to the nursing home i work
we’re all blowing smoke in each other’s faces shotgunning
off a single blunt betweeen us

i lose balance and fall back onto the grass and splay my
legs out and keep taking hits until im swallowing ash

one of our residents died of a stroke today
we all sigh in unison, remarking “how much of a
pain in the ass they were to care for”

“i want to turn into a pigeon and fly to new york
so i can eat shit off the ground”

“thats deep, i think, man, uh yeah”

i grin yellow at the aide next to me
its my day off but i follow her inside and
blast sad noise rock
while she brushes people’s teeth

“god rest her soul i miss her. i think.
do i miss her? i hope i miss her. fuck
i want to miss her because if i dont
i might be a bad person,” i said as
a 86 year old doped to hell ate candy
in front of us

“dude i dont fucking miss her
that doesnt make me a bad person and
doesnt make you one either its just
a job you wouldnt be here without a

“oh. i hope we’re just good people
dealing with something fucked up poorly

rather than bad people not dealing with
something at all because it doesnt like,
matter, i guess”

On the Metro | C. K. Williams

“On the Metro”
C.K. Williams

On the metro, I have to ask a young woman to move the packages beside her to make room for me;
she’s reading, her foot propped on the seat in front of her, and barely looks up as she pulls them to her.
I sit, take out my own book—Cioran, The Temptation to Exist—and notice her glancing up from hers
to take in the title of mine, and then, as Gombrowicz puts it, she “affirms herself physically,” that is,
becomes present in a way she hadn’t been before: though she hasn’t moved, she’s allowed herself
to come more sharply into focus, be more accessible to my sensual perception, so I can’t help but remark
her strong figure and very tan skin—(how literally golden young women can look at the end of summer.)
She leans back now, and as the train rocks and her arm brushes mine she doesn’t pull it away;
she seems to be allowing our surfaces to unite: the fine hairs on both our forearms, sensitive, alive,
achingly alive, bring news of someone touched, someone sensed, and thus acknowledged, known.

I understand that in no way is she offering more than this, and in truth I have no desire for more,
but it’s still enough for me to be taken by a surge, first of warmth then of something like its opposite:
a memory—a girl I’d mooned for from afar, across the table from me in the library in school now,
our feet I thought touching, touching even again, and then, with all I craved that touch to mean,
my having to realize it wasn’t her flesh my flesh for that gleaming time had pressed, but a table leg.
The young woman today removes her arm now, stands, swaying against the lurch of the slowing train,
and crossing before me brushes my knee and does that thing again, asserts her bodily being again,
(Gombrowicz again), then quickly moves to the door of the car and descends, not once looking back,
(to my relief not looking back), and I allow myself the thought that though I must be to her again
as senseless as that table of my youth, as wooden, as unfeeling, perhaps there was a moment I was not.

anonymous asked:

This is an old one. Let the good times roll by the cars?

oh hey I love oldies!

“let them leave you up in the air
let them brush your rock and roll hair”

send me a song and i’ll tell you my favourite lyric from it.