rock paper scissors alcohol


“I’d like to solve the puzzle, Pat. It’s Volcanic Rock Paper Scissors.”

“That’s right, Tiffany!”

“Yay! I’d now like to solve your alcohol problem, Pat.”

“Go for it.”

“It’s Because You Equate Getting Drunk With Being Successful Since You Found Out You Got Your First Big Gig While You Were Finishing A Keg Full Of Stella. You Just Need To Realize You Can Be Successful Without Alcohol.”

“That’s right, Tiffany!”

“Yay! I’d now like to solve world hunger, Pat.”

“Go for it.”

“It’s Let’s Just Make One Giant Pancake We Can All Share.”

“That’s right, Tiffany!”

“Yay! I’ll spin.”

“Someone stole the wheel while you were solving those things. The game’s over.”

“Oh, well I guess I’m still a winner!”

“Did you say you’re ‘Stella winner’?!? DO YOU HAVE A STELLA!?! GIVE ME IT!! RAWRRRRRRRR!!!!”

“No! Don’t drink my blood!!!”

Vanna White just sighs and wonders how many letters she’s touched in her life. Probably more than Gandhi. Yeah. Definitely more than Gandhi.