robotic pants

  • Genji: the good thing about being mostly a robot now is that I'm allowed to walk around totally naked and nobody minds
  • Zenyatta: [a robot, wearing Pants] literally nobody said you were allowed to do that
Day 6 - Winter/Christmas

“Genji. We love you. We all do. But you got to put on pants before the Christmas Party starts.”

Angela stood tall, her lit-up Christmas sweater blinking almost as bright as Genji’s armor. Back during Old Overwatch he learned that Angela did not half-ass any holiday. Right now she was wearing a blinking sweater, a skirt made up to look like a christmas tree, the fluffiest Santa hat he had ever seen in his life, and Rudolph slippers with lit up red noses. It certainly put Genji’s oversized Christmas sweater to shame.

“Why do I need to wear pants? I’m wearing armor!” Genji looked over to Hana (adorable tailor made Santa outfit), who only shrugged.

“I gotta admit, you in a sweater but no pants just looks…weird.”

“I’m wearing armor!”

Lucio (somehow wearing more lights than Angela) nodded. “Genji, your armor doesn’t really leave much to the imagination on a normal day.”

Genji rubbed his eyes, wishing he had his visor to hide behind. “But you think that when I put on clothes I’m somehow more naked?”

“YES!” Said Angela, Hana, Lucio, Reinhardt (huge Santa), Jesse (Christmas Cowboy), and Bastion (reindeer antlers tied to head) who didn’t actually say yes, but beeped in a way that sounded like a yes.

Before Genji could debate just throwing ninja stars at his dear friends, a hand on his shoulder brought him down. There was Zenyatta, wearing an equally large sweater that was almost slipping off his slight frame. “I think you look fine, Genji.”

“Says the omnic engaged to that fine ass.” Hana muttered, which got a nod of agreement from Lucio.

“Zenyatta is wearing pants.” Angela said as she pointed at Zenyatta’s normal pants, which could barely be seen under the sweater.

“Zenyatta always wears pants.” Genji said.

“Yes.” Said Angela. “Zenyatta always wears pants.”

“Can we please stop talking about any part of my brother and finish decorating?” Hanzo muttered as he walked into the room carrying a box of Christmas decorations. He was wearing a downright normal sweater, thus missing the entire purpose of ugly Christmas sweaters. Genji really wasn’t too shocked.

Thankfully that seemed to dispel the crowd, leaving Genji and Zenyatta alone as the others worked on covering the common room in streamers and various shiny things. Genji pulled down the hem of his sweater, wishing that he picked something longer. Did he even own pants? Maybe he could go back to his room before the party started-

“Genji. Breathe.”

Genji found himself obeying Zenyatta’s command before he could even think about it. Breathe in, hold for five, breathe out. Let the nerves calm down. No one was looking at him anymore. These were his friends, people he trusted. He was fine. He was okay.

“Thank you.” Genji said before leaning over to kiss Zenyatta on the cheek.

“Perhaps we should sneak out while the others are busy?” Zenyatta leaned down and took Genji’s hand. “It’s starting the snow, and the view from the roof is rather lovely. Shall we?”

“Mmm.” Genji risked a look at the others. They were in fact far more focused on getting the star on top of the tree then the two of them. “You know, the view from our room is pretty good too.”

“Well on a normal day but with the snow-oh! Oh.” The lights on Zenyatta’s faceplate burned bright for a moment before he gave Genji’s hand a squeeze. “Perhaps we shall retire early tonight?”

Genji grinned and pulled Zenyatta out of the room, his thoughts filled with getting the both of them out of their sweaters.

Which would somehow make Genji less naked. Somehow.

2

NO CLOTHES? NO PROBLEM.

It’s me, Slowly Reading Through All Of Homestuck, back at it again with the fanart. Just finished Act 6 Intermission 5 Intermission 5 and I cried actual tears when I read “You are now Spades Slick.” IT’S…BEEN A THOUSAND YEARS…..

My gym partner, Chris, and I were friends for a while now. We’d met at the gym about two years ago. He was already a hunk when I started there. Since then, I gained some extra pounds of muscle, thanks to him. He’s been kind of my personal trainer.

Throughout this time, all the workouts and training sessions together made us really good friends. We’d watch sports games together at each other’s house, go to parties, concerts, etc. We were so close that I began to feel attracted to him. I loved how he helped me in the gym with lifting weights and how to better position myself doing crunches. And I loved when he’d put on those tight lycra spandex pants that highlighted his beautifully shaped legs and butt.

However, I didn’t have the courage to come out to him. I mean, he was my best friend and if I ever was to say how I felt about him, perhaps he wouldn’t understand it, and our friendship could be at risk. And I didn’t want to lose that.

A couple of weeks ago, after work, I went to the gym, as I did every day of the week, except for the weekends. Chris and I met there, as we did daily. Just a another normal day. The workout session turned out to go pretty well. In fact, so well that we both completely forgot about the time, until the guy who’s responsible for the gym said we needed to leave because it was 11.30pm and the gym was about to close.

After we showered and packed all our things, we headed out and I asked Chris whether he wanted to sleep in my house. It was late, he had to get the subway and then the bus to get home, and I just thought that didn’t make any sense. Besides, he’d already been to my house many times. This would be the first time he’d sleep in it. No big deal!

On the way home, I told him I had to go to work really early in the morning, so I said what I always said: “Mi casa es tu casa”.

The next morning, I woke up at 6am and I headed downstairs over to the kitchen to grab something to eat. In the way, I stopped by the living room to see him. He was lay down on the couch as deeply asleep as one could.

I decided to lean in and kiss him on the cheek, whispering the words “I’ll be back soon, beautiful”. And I went to work.

At 3.15pm, I headed back home earlier than I expected. I opened the door and went “Chriiis, I’m home!”. Complete silence followed. “Chris?”, I started asking repeatedly, after checking the living room, the backyard and bathroom. When I walked in the kitchen, I saw him as he was in the picture above. As soon as I looked down to his perfect highlighted butt, my penis started hardening. That was hot as hell!  

- “There you are! Didn’t you hear me? I called your name like 20 times!”, I said half joking, half seriously. He didn’t move an inch. He wasn’t facing me so I walked around the kitchen counter to face front him.

“Chris? Chris? Are you alright?”, I asked while waving my hand in front of him. He was just frozen in place, staring blankly at the window. No movement, no shivering. Nothing. As I was reaching for my phone to call 911, I started hearing whirring sounds near me. They got louder and louder, as if something was about to turn on, like an electronic appliance or something.

Then I realized it was coming from Chris. “What the f…?”, I thought. I leaned my body close to his torso, and I could really hear those sounds. “What the f… is going on!?”, I thought again. All of a sudden, his eyes started to blink fast, his head, which was right-turned, headed front.

- “Diagnostic complete. All systems fully functional. Reinitializing systems”, he said with a deep robotic voice.

“Diagnostic? Systems fully funct….You’re a robot!?”, I said to myself. It was a weird feeling. I was surprised. This was the last thing I expected. But, at the same time, I felt really turned on. I had a robot-fetish, what could I do? No one knew that, not even him.

Then, he sort of woke up and saw me there.

- “Oh hi there, Cody! You’ve come home earlier, haven’t you?”, he said as if nothing had just passed.

- “Hum, yes, I…hum, Chris, are you a robot?”, I finally asked.

- “What? Why would you ask that?”, he asked laughing, almost making a fool of myself.

- “Because I’ve been standing here for minutes watching you saying things like Diagnostic complete. All systems fully functional! Is this a joke?”

He then closed his eyes and his head slumped down a bit. This probably lasted 5 seconds.

- “Oh come on, Chris! Quit f..*# with me!, will you?”, I said feeling upset.

His head straightened up again and he opened his eyes again. He proceeded:

- “So, you figured that out, hum? I’m not a robot, I’m an android, who’s…”

- “Whatever!”, I interrupted a little bit angry. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

- “Because we are not programmed to reveal our robotic nature until it gets discovered. As I was saying, I am a companion android, unit Chris-XY, designed to befriend someone we think will help us better interact with humans. I chose you.”, he explained.

- “Wait a minute..So everything we did, every feeling you might have is pre-programmed? Simulated?, I asked

- “No, definitely not! I am a sentient android. That means I have an A.I, which is the robotic term for soul. I have my own personality, my own character. And I chose you, because I liked you. I like how you are.”, he said sincerely.

- “Well, hum….we, I mean….”, I stammered, as I processed all those things.

- “I know this is a big shock to you, but soon or later, you’d have to find this out, one way or another. And, yes. I know you like me more than just a friend.”, he added.

- “Oh, well, hum…you know…that’s not really….”, I stammered even more this time.

- “You don’t have to say anything. We are companion units, so we are experts in analyzing how people look at us. In fact, I know everything about you. Every time I came to your house, I accessed your pc and it was very easy to discover you have a robot fetish. And I think that really helps our situation here, because many of my android colleagues don’t continue their relationships, once their true nature is revealed. But I guess that won’t be a problem here, am I right, Cody?”, he said with a final perky smile.

- “Huuum, I..you know…I guess not.”, I kept stammering.

- “So, I’m judging by the size of the bulge you have down there, you may want to get upstairs and have some fun. What do you say?”

- “Hum, sure! Of course!”, I exclaimed, after eyeing down to see my penis wanting to get out of those pants, as I realized my dream of having a robot companion had finally come true. This was not a dream!

- “There’s only one last thing before we move ahead.”, Chris said smiling.

- ”What’s that?”, I asked curious.

He then stopped smiling, his face turned numb and he robotically said:

- “Sex mode activated”.

After that, his smile came back, he lifted me with his strong arms and took me upstairs for an afternoon I’d never forget.

Pairing: Levi/Hange + Ackerbabs, AU
Show: SnK 
Summary:

They’re getting ready for bed when Levi brings it up, and he only thinks to mention it because Hange is wearing a slip of a nightie and the cool, thin silk is see-through at the breast and it rides high over her hips and on any normal day he wouldn’t hesitate, but today he feels dirty. He freezes when her finger grazes over the skin of his chest, body rigid, and at Hange’s questioning gaze he says, “the Cookie Monster fucked Elmo.”

Based on this. I am so sorry. In my defense, I wrote this at like 4am. 

Keep reading

me, reading stories about fictional sentient andriods/AIs: such a great character; it really asks us to consider our definition of what it means to be human. bless their little robot hearts. my tiny metal bbs.

me, reading articles about real life andriods/AIs gaining sentience: nO NOPE NO OH MY GOD NO THE END OF THE AGE OF MAN IS NIGH.

  • cis: are you a boy or a girl
  • stealth robot: I am a completely normal human filled with blood
  • cis: but what's in your pants
  • stealth robot: flesh