There were a lot of messages in my ask box requesting I do this;;
Dick Grayson rarely updates his Facebook status, but when he does, it is just, like. Outrageously passive-aggressive;
Dick Grayson when you can’t do anything but Hope for Karma #betrayed
He otherwise Facebooks like a middle-aged mom, commenting on unrelated stuff “OMG, looks like you are up to some really fun stuff Roy! We need to catch up soon, love from Dick and the rest of the fam”. He shares minion memes.
He is a chronic Snapchatter, but has a very select friends list. He is also the Selfie King. Every day. #nofilter #blueeyes
Jason “Off The Grid” Todd makes a new FB profile weekly, using increasingly less subtle dirty pseudonyms. (He starts off with, like “Ignatius Percival Freely”, but is eventually just “Dicks McButt”, which isn’t nearly as clever.) All he ever does with these accounts is add Tim, who never, ever gets an explanation to this odd (admittedly terrible) behaviour. And no matter how far-removed each new account is from his actual identity, somehow Dick Grayson always finds him within 5 hours, adds him, and mom-posts on his wall, and no, Jason, Sad Pepe is not a response. And how come you never poke me back?
He does have an actual proper-ish account, which he mostly uses to post links to local causes, the occasional literary quote if it’s especially relevant, and ‘like’ any post relevant to his friends or family. He doesn’t ever comment on anything, though.
Tim Drake has a huge following on Instagram, even though it’s not officially linked to Tim Wayne. He has a bunch of really great photos up there, as well as the occasional candid of like, the world’s most attractive people, but he never updates anything. Jason and Babs take turns hacking Tim’s computer and scheduling posts; Tim has yet to notice.
And, in true stalker fashion, Tim is that one guy that is apparently never on Facebook. Until a notification pops up saying that he liked that one post back from 2009.
Damian is 10, so he has virtually no online presence. If given the choice though, he will always communicate via emoji instead of words, especially with his family. Especially with cat-emojis.
He doesn’t know it, but Dick has an Instagram where he sneak-posts Damian’s art.
I feel like Bruce is just, so bad at the internet. He has a lot of skills, but the world wide web is not one of them. I think after getting into one too many celebrity feuds via Twitter, he has someone managing all of his social media accounts for him. And, even though he doesn’t understand, use, or even approve of social media, he is most definitely smug about how many friends and followers he has across his various platforms.
Some misc stuff;
The Batkids stole Jim Gordon’s smartphone specifically to install Snapchat. They created a joint account, to which they all know the login details, and they usually snap him really stupid stuff in costume. Whether it’s a couple of them chilling in the Cave, short, shaky-cam vids of Nightwing antagonising Batman, or action shots from patrol, it always makes Jim smile.
They also opened a joint Vine account with their hero identities, where they uploaded a total of 3 videos, and with each upload, they nearly broke the internet. They promptly forgot all about it, and have no idea how many subscribers are eagerly awaiting their next vine.
(something for your way to work? Have a good day!)
So I kinda want Jons first date to be with someone who ISNT Damian. Like he has the biggest crush on Damian in the world, but he thinks its not reciprocated (cause you know damian and feelings). So this cute boy from his high school asks Jon out and Jon agrees. Jon tells Damian and Damian is just SO JEALOUS. Just grinding his teeth to dust jealous. But he can’t complain, or do anything about it. Some other guy just had the guts to tell Jon, “Hey, you’re cute. Wanna get dinner and watch a movie with me?” While Damian can barely manage a nice thing to say to Jon. (even though the thought of Jon laughing or smiling at a dumb joke keeps him up all night). So what does he do? He tells Jon to enjoy his date and that he’ll see him on patrol the night after his date; calling himself a coward the whole time he writes out the message and sends it.
The next day is just a moping Damian. After training and a shower, its just moping all around the manor. Eating breakfast? Full of sighs. In the library? Titus is sitting in his lap and hes curled around his dog, looking out of the window. Listening to music? Sad songs.
“Damian?” Dick asked, carefully removing one of Damians earbuds. Damian grunted. “Everything okay, bud?”
“Peachy, why do you ask?”
“You seem…off.” Dick said careful of his words.
“’M fine.” Damian grumbled, taking his earbud back.
Tim comes strolling in with some tea for Damian, and ruffles his hair. “Jon’s going on a date because poor Damian here can’t sort out his feelings like the rest of us.“
“How do you know?” Dick asked
“Kon told me.” Tim answered, typing something on his phone. “I told him that i’m gonna sabotage his little brothers date.”
Dick perked up and was about to open his mouth until he heard a gun getting loaded. “WE’RE NOT GONNA KILL HIM, JASON.”
Stephanie comes skipping in with some pictures, “his name is Clay. What an unattractive name, CLAY. Like Ew. Put a face after that and you have a villain name. ANYWAYS. Cute kid. Gray eyes, blonde hair. He’s on the basketball team. So if Mad Dog Jason gets out, make sure he doesnt break his wrist.” Stephanie relays all of this information while stroking Damians hair. Damian would normally hiss and growl and promise her demise, but today he just lets his head rest on her hip. (Damian ofc cant hear anything. He just thinks his siblings + steph are just keeping him company)
“Fuck you, Steph.”
“Don’t you wish, honey.”
So it’s friday night. Jon and Clay are at a diner. (Damian is patrolling with batman. B notices that Robin is a little more aggressive tonight than normal)
Jay steals Clays wallet making Jon pay for everything.Jon doesnt mind. Hes just a little annoyed cause Clay said it was his treat.
Since Jay still has Clays wallet, Jon also has to pay for the movie tickets.
Anytime the other boy wants to touch Jon, hand over shoulder holding his hand Dick shocks him.
Jon is miserable. This was a shit date. Why did he even come? Even during dinner he realized they had nothing in common besides sports, and the fact they’re in AP Calculus. And they’re not even on the same sports team! (Jons in baseball) Every conversation he had with him was an absolute bore, He seemed so charming in school! Jon sighed as they finally pulled into the driveway to his house in metropolis.
“Sorry about tonight! I guess, I just wasn’t on my game.” Clay laughs. Jon tried not to cringe at yet another sports reference.
“We all have our off days.” Jon smiles, ready to put this dumb date behind him.
Clay holds his hand, and Jon finds himself desperately wishing that it was someone else holding his hand. Someone hes trying to get over. Someone whos too tied down to crime fighting. Someone whos passionate about animals and art and literature and his city.
“Thanks for being so understanding.” Clay says leaning forward. Jon found himself leaning forward too. The hell with it, maybe at least the kissing will make up for this lousy excuse of a date.
Tim hacks the boys car before his and Jons lips touched, making the car alarm go off in the dead of night. The batboys tried not to snicker, that would tip off a certain someones super hearing.
Jon grits his teeth and get out of the car. “Thanks for the ride.” He calls over his shoulder and retreats into his house.
Jon sees his mom waiting up for him in the living room. “Hey, honey.” Jon super speed runs to her and plops himself on her lap.
“Im taking your date went bad?”
“Oh you have no idea.” he mumbled into her lap, holding her closer.
“Think of it this way, this just sets the bar for all of your other dates!” Lois said, carding her fingers through her sons thick black hair.
“Mom, anything lower than this would be my date not showing up. And honestly, that’s still probably better than tonight.“
Lois had to laugh at that.
"I dated the captain of the basketball team when I was your age too.”
“Howd it go?”
“God awful. He ran off with god knows who in the middle of our date. I had to walk home myself.”
“What happened after that?”
“I started dating your father.”
“Think he asked batman to scare the other guy off?”
Lois laughed at that. “Somehow, I dont doubt it."
Lois pressed a kiss to Jons cheek and went off to bed. He could hear his Dads thunderous snores as she opened the door to their bedroom.
Jon pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to Damian.
Worst date ever, and it was my first one. Tell you about it on patrol tomorrow. Night!
Damian opened the message as he waited for the GCPD to pick up the would be bank robbers he just busted. A big smile spread across his cheeks. Looks like Damian will get his second chance soon.
BONUS: when Batman and robin strolled into the cave, Tim, Jason, and Dick were all napping in random spots with their suits on.
"They didn’t tell me they went on patrol.” Batman frowned. The pieces clicked into place for Damian rather quickly. He had to hide a smile from his father. He also made a mental note of finding out ways to thank his brothers.
@desolationofzara OMG I LOVE THIS SO MUCH! And i legit laughed out loud, thank you so much darling!
Could you write a jayroy ficc Where batman finds out fist and goes to interrogate green arrow about his sins intentions who is like "wait whaaaaat?! They're together?! Also don't kill me or my son"
Bruce stalked down the steps of the Batcave. Nights without Robin on patrol dragged, where horrible and depressing. He knew he should tell Jason that, should have told Dick that before it was too late, but he really didn’t know how. Jason had been spending a lot of time with Oliver Queen’s son, Roy, Speedy. Bruce wasn’t sure he approved Queen had always treated being a hero as kind of a game. His son was a bit of a clown, but Bruce also knew it was imported for Jay to have friends in this game.
When he got into the cave he realized the showers were running. Bruce walked into the locker room to wait for Jay. Over the sound of water Bruce could hear Jason belting out for all he was worth “walking on Sunshine”. He sure is upbeat tonight Bruce thought, then he heard a buzzing insistent and regular. Looking down at the bench in front of him where Jason’s clothes lay in a heap he saw Jason’s cellphone sitting on top.
The screen was lit up with a series of texts
“I had a great time”
“xoxoxoxox c u 2morrow”
Bruce very carefully replaced the phone and left. A moment latter Jason walked out of the shower and towel around his skinny waste using another to draw his hair. “hey B how was your Night, me and Roy had a blast and- oh” he looked around the empty room “huh, i was sure he came in” Jay picked up his phone and laughed at his boyfriend’s intentionally bad text speak before shooting off a heart of his own.
Star City the Arrow Cave
Oliver Queen the Green Arrow was napping in an office chair, he should have been working on new trick arrows but after 4 hours of trying to get the weight of the boxing glove arrow right he’d get passed out. His eye flew open as a hand slammed down on his work table. Before he could react his office chair had been turned 180 degrees around and he was nearly noses to nose with Batman looking as angry as he’d ever seen him. “How. Long.” It wasn’t really a question more of an accusation. Ollie pushed his sleep fogged brain to work, to think had he stolen any of Batman’s protein shakes out of the Justice League fridge on the moon.
He gulped “how long what?” Batman’s eyes narrowed dangerously “How Long has this been going on Oliver”
“um you’re gonna have to give me a clue man I don’t know what you mean”
“ROY!” He roared the name like a swear “and Robin” his voice was under control now “are together”
“together? they’re always to- oh, oooooh, oh”
“you didn’t know”
“no! I didn’t even know” Ollie looked a little ashamed “that Roy was… you know”
“you’re going to talk to him”
“um yes, sure, I mean please don’t kill him or me, and uh what is it you want me to talk to him around?”
Batman looked at Ollie for a long moment before standing up and walking a few feet away. “Safety Oliver, I want them to know how to be safe, google it if you’re fuzzy on the details”
“oh wow I mean come on Bats, they’re kinda young” Batman turned on him and glared daggers “They’re teenage boys Oliver, who often are on their own with very little supervision, sooner or later they’ll try something.” Ollie turned to his work table and picked up an arrow turning it over in his hands. “did you know about Robin?”
“yes I knew he was bisexual”
“I had no clue about Roy, I feel like a bad father, I mean I try to not get into any fights with him, be a friend and a good roommate but sometimes I feel lost with him, you know? like if I was so clueless about this part of his what else you think he’s hiding from me? what doesn’t he tell me, what’s he gonna hide from me in the future? Bats? Batman?” He turned and the Arrow Cave was empty “damn I hate when he does that”
(Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list for this week!)
Damian sprints for the yard, the
kitchen door slamming closed behind him, almost completely muffling
Bruce’s shouts for him to come back here this instant.
Barefoot he runs through the soft green grass until he passes into
the cool shade of the woods, acorns and gnarled roots jabbing at his
isn’t pursued, he knows, but he keeps running to escape the tight
burning in his belly, the frustration at his father’s asinine ‘rules’
sizzling like acid in his lungs. There’s fire in his chest, like he’s
a dragon barely containing a flame behind his back teeth. He wants to
scream and fight and kick as if he’s trapped in a box, but lashing
out at his family never ends well for anyone. And so, he runs.