roberto luongo

Hockey Goalie Lingo

  • Blue paint = mine, don’t touch.
  • Net = mine, don’t touch.
  • Crease = I’ll hit you, don’t come in.
  • Water bottle = mine, don’t touch. Bottle police always on patrol.
  • Goalie interference = if you touch me, I’ll hit you. If you breathe on me, I’ll hit you. If you run into me, my team and I will hit you.
  • Mask = it comes off, no more play.
  • Hooked = team sucks but I get punished.
  • Groin injury = I’m too old for the splits.
  • Mask save = I can’t hear you, I’m seeing double, but yay no goal.
  • Pads = Shea Weber slapshot forcefield.
  • Blocker = Carey Price’s best friend
  • Glove = teammates tender head craddle.
  • Stick = I can hit you from 3 feet away, don’t mess with me.
  • Goalies are weird = I’m better than you, hotter than you, and I’m still your mom’s favorite.
instagram

the best video to ever grace social media came out a year ago today

  • Roberto Luongo: I never understood why people cared so much about their rookies until I got one myself. *pulls Eddie Läck aside* I've only known Eddie for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him, I'd kill everyone in this room and then myself.
  • Eddie: *turns red* awwww