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Drunk Robert forgets to use his inside voice and talks way too close to people’s ears, and Drunk Rosalind gets awfully cocky and annoys the hell out of Comstock.

Which Bioshock character should you fight?
  • Jack Ryan: I mean, you could, but you'd get your ass handed to you. Besides, hasn't this poor baby had enough? Don't fight Jack Ryan.
  • Atlas: Fucking do it. Fucking- I will PAY you to beat the shit out of this Irish bastard. Fight Atlas. Fight Atlas and win.
  • Brigid Tenenbaum: You could fight her, but why? She's done nothing to provoke you. The woman is probably dying of lung cancer anyways. Leave Tenenbaum alone.
  • Sander Cohen: Fight the creepy son of a bitch and bring me back his painted mustache.
  • Andrew Ryan: Sure, fight him. It'll probably change nothing, and you'll garner nothing but the knowledge that you're his test tube bastard, programmed from birth to do the bidding of a looming capitalist overlord.
  • Frank Fontaine: Kill the looming capitalist overlord.
  • Subject Delta: You could, but at what cost? He's a gentle giant. You'd be better off giving him a hug. He's just trying to be a good dad, okay? Don't fight Delta.
  • Sinclair: Sure, you'd win, but what pleasure would you derive from it? I mean, the man's tried to apologize for his wrongdoings. I guess if you're one to hold grudges, then maybe you could fight Sinclair.
  • Eleanor Lamb: She will kick your ass and smile while she does. Just... don't. Don't fight Eleanor Lamb, please.
  • Sofia Lamb: Sure, but it really wouldn't be that great of a fight. She's probably not that strong. You might have to fight off some splicers to get to her, but ultimately it really wouldn't be that satisfying of a victory.
  • Booker Dewitt: Kick his ass. You'll lose, but it'll be totally worth it to kick his teeth in a little bit. Fight Booker Dewitt.
  • Elizabeth Comstock: Look, you could fight Elizabeth. Or you could not mess with space-tearing punch-packing genius babes and leave the room with all bones intact.
  • Zachary Hale Comstock: Fight this man. Fight him to the death. FUCK Zachary Comstock.
  • Daisy Fitzroy: Fight her. But know that you WILL lose and it'll be devastating.
  • Rosalind or Robert Lutece: Don't fight the Lutece twins. They won't land a single blow, they'll just find a universe where you got your ass kicked and your nose will bleed until you die of anemia or something.

I really love how the Lutece “twins” in BioShock Infinite aren’t actually twins. They are literally the same person but from two alternate universes, the only difference being that one is male and the other is female. Rosalind Lutece and Robert Lutece literally collaborated from their own universes to invent a way of crossing universes so that they could meet in person. Absolutely amazing, that is.

What's Done Will Be Done
Lutece Twins

Robert: I told you it would work.

Rosalind: We already know it works. The question is, will he?

Booker: Anna, Anna, so sorry Anna.

Rosalind: You suppose he branded himself as some sort of penance?

Robert: Hmm. 

Rosalind: Don’t see the point. What’s done is done. What’s done will be done.

Robert: Hmm.

Rosalind: I suppose the brand is his hair shirt, as he is ours.

Booker: Wipe away the debt. Bring us the girl and wipe away the debt…

Robert: See? He’s starting to put his story together.

Rosalind: You’re quite fond of this theory of yours.

Robert: He’s manufacturing new memories from his old ones.

Rosalind: Well, the brain adapts.

Robert: I should know, I lived it.

Elizabeth: Booker, wake up.