“Star Trek: The Motion Picture” is probably about as good as
we could have expected. It lacks the dazzling brilliance and originality of
Star Trek (1966) The film stars the cast of the original Star Trek television
series and the only film of the series to be rated G by the Motion Picture
Association of America. The other films were rated PG, and later PG-13. Spock
was originally not in the movie because Leonard Nimoy had become bitter over
perceived mistreatment by Gene Roddenberry. As not receiving more residuals or
licensing royalties for his image as Spock. The producers and the cast were
very worried about their appearance after being away from Star Trek for ten
years. Special lighting and camera tricks were used to hide the cast’s aging,
and William Shatner went on a near-starvation diet prior to filming. However,
in all subsequent Star Trek movies it was decided to make the aging of the crew
part of the story.
Me: Looks at a pic of celeb crush No 1“OMG we are so perfect for one another, there is no one else in the world like you, more beautiful more talented and I just know you’re my other half. Your smile could light up the whole universe after the sun dies. Plus you’ve got a great ass.”
Also me: Starts watching movie with celeb crush No 2, “OMG you are so precious and beautiful and I love you so much. I will never abandon you my smol bean. I could listen to your cute lil’ laugh all day long. And I know that if you meet me you’ll instantly fall in love with me because we’re just perfect for one another. Plus you’ve got a great ass.”
Also me: Unlocks phone and sees celeb crush No 3, “OMG your eyes are so perfect, it’s as if the gods snatched all the stars from the sky and placed them in your eyes. Your laughter is the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard. I love you so much my talented baby and I know that one day we will meet and you will love me as much as I do now. Plus you’ve got a great ass.”
Also me at the end of each day: Dreams of celeb crush No 59439302, “OMG, listen I know your old enough to be my parent and are married with kids my age or older but I just know deep in my heart that we are meant for one another and you’ve got the most amazing laugh. You’re so talented and beautiful and I LOVE YOU!!! Plus you’ve got a great ass.”
Batgirl #8 (November 2000). Hard to believe this comic is almost 15 years old! Anyway, here’s a small moment that encapsulates the greatness that is the Kelley Puckett/Damion Scott era of Batgirl. In between the hyper-kinetic action sequences and fast-paced storytelling are these little character moments. The first two narrative captions aren’t really necessary. Scott puts those words into the panel sequence and the Cass “acting.” Cass allows herself a moment of self-satisfaction, then dismisses it after taking another glance at her defeated opponent. A smidge of disappointment that saps some of the sweetness from the victory. But only a smidge. Doubt is for ditherers. Cass isn’t built that way. No self-pity. Cass is a doer, Cass is action, Cass is motion. But she still has feelings.
Cool feelings. The next two narrative captions are absolutely necessary. Because Cass just as quickly pulls herself together and makes her defining statement:
“Sorry, Shiva. I don’t kill… but I don’t lose, either.”
Heckler, produced by Jamie Kennedy, starts out as a fascinating look at what makes people yell at comedy shows. They managed to get some of the best comedians in the country to tell their best heckling stories – including David Cross, Paul F. Tompkins, Robert Kelley, Lewis Black, Eugene Mirman, and Dave Attell – all in the first ten minutes. It’s genuinely delightful. Then it delves into the phenomenon and why people heckle in the first place, and connects the people who yell at comedy shows to the then-growing trend of newspaper writers and online bloggers who were getting followers based on their reputations as angry, vitriolic critics.
Around the halfway point, though, Jamie Kennedy starts exclusively interviewing bloggers who gaveSon Of The Mask negative reviews. There’s an extended scene in which Kennedy reads blurbs about his movies back to the people who wrote them years before, and it just sort of leaves the camera on their uncomfortable faces as he channels his best Kenneth Branagh. One gets the vibe that this is less a PSA about rudeness and more an opportunity for Jamie Kennedy to spend thousands of dollars bullying nerds who hurt his feelings.
The movie ends by covering the pretty much universally maligned director Uwe Boll’s boxing matches against internet critics. Thing is, though, the critics had no boxing experience or training and – in exactly the sort of fashion you’d assume Uwe Boll conducts his affairs – they were told it was a publicity stunt instead of, you know, a for-real boxing match with someone who intended to beat the shit out of them. Said another way, the triumphant emotional climax of Kennedy’s film is a series of scenes wherein one of the worst filmmakers of all time violently assaults a bunch of unsuspecting nerds who had the temerity to question his artistic genius. Which is a pretty decent metaphor for the film’s whole raison d'etre.