roast*

  • psychic:let me read your mind
  • me inside:a month without uploading he comes back with a tag (whoo)
  • that no one even tagged him he’s not a challenge to drag (ouch)
  • so prepare for an attack and by that i mean cringe - cringe
  • cause this motherfuckers bout to be dragged by his fringe
  • first things you’re freakishly tall it’s weird you look like a noodle (tru)
  • you’ve got hair that was cool in 2007 and wet you just took like a poodle (hobbit)
  • throw in a really annoying posh voice and yep that’s dan (posh)
  • you’re what would happen if winnie the pooh fucked slender man
  • you procrastinate making videos, cause being judged is scary? (ooh)
  • you’re so close to being forgotten, the hate’s imaginary (woah)
  • the only reason you get views is you’re another white guy
  • that people ship with his friend cause they think it’s kawaii
  • oh
  • reasons why dan’s a fail
  • i’ll give you some
  • you never tweet you overeat all you do is cry and sleep
  • you’re jokes are shitposts and memes with no originality (uh huh)
  • your family’s sad your flopped your law degree at university
  • and anything embarrassing that’s from your past you just delete
  • you were vegan for like three weeks then what you missed the meat? (milk)
  • wow i’m so impressed by your clear moral integrity
  • you try so hard to be peaceful and diplomatic
  • but can’t make toast without tumblr saying you’re problematic (boo)
  • i could go on there’s more if i check
  • there’s more things on this list than chins on your neck
  • on your birthday you joked you were a quarter way to death
  • 100? yeah when getting out of bed makes you out of breath (real)
  • so your celebrity crush was j-law but now it’s evan p (mhmm)
  • wtf even is your sexuality
  • it’s hard to put you in a box when you keep it so blurry (what is it)
  • i think it’s just to hide that you’re secretly a furry
  • *cough*
  • i’m joking
  • obviously
  • ..
  • okay that went deep
  • repress it? yup
  • before i start crying let’s wrap this shit up
  • i’m gonna go and masturbate, then cry into a slice of pizza (feelings)
  • shout out to the other youtubers especially ryan higa
  • a cringe compilation mixed with cultural appropriation
  • met with no depreciation it’s the youtube nation (youtubeee)
  • click subscribe, if you wanna watch 4 videos a year (or 3)
  • to see my last one from 10 years ago just click over here (fail)
  • so leave a comment with your reaction you can call me a liar
  • cause you just witnessed the roast danisnotonfire
  • psychic:wtf
Dan’s Diss Track

a month without uploading he comes back with a tag - whoo
that no one even tagged him he’s not a challenge to drag - ouch
so prepare for an attack and by that i mean cringe - cringe
cause this motherfuckers bout to be dragged by his fringe

first things you’re freakishly tall it’s weird you look like a noodle - tru
you’ve got hair that was cool in 2007 and wet you just took like a poodle - hobbit
throw in a really annoying posh voice and yep that’s dan - posh
you’re what would happen if winnie the pooh fucked slender man

you procrastinate making videos, cause being judged is scary? - ooh
you’re so close to being forgotten, the hate’s imaginary - woah
the only reason you get views is you’re another white guy
that people ship with his friend cause they think it’s kawaii

oh
reasons why dan’s a fail
i’ll give you some

you never tweet you overeat all you do is cry and sleep
you’re jokes are shitposts and memes with no originality - uh huh
your family’s sad your flopped your law degree at university
and anything embarrassing that’s from your past you just delete

you were vegan for like three weeks then what you missed the meat? - milk
wow i’m so impressed by your clear moral integrity
you try so hard to be peaceful and diplomatic
but can’t make toast without tumblr saying you’re problematic - boo

i could go on there’s more if i check
there’s more things on this list than chins on your neck
on your birthday you joked you were a quarter way to death
100? yeah when getting out of bed makes you out of breath - real

so your celebrity crush was j-law but now it’s evan p - mhmm
wtf even is your sexuality
it’s hard to put you in a box when you keep it so blurry - what is it
i think it’s just to hide that you’re secretly a furry

*cough*
i’m joking
obviously
..

okay that went deep
repress it? yup
before i start crying let’s wrap this shit up

i’m gonna go and masturbate, then cry into a slice of pizza - feelings
shout out to the other youtubers especially ryan higa
a cringe compilation mixed with cultural appropriation
met with no depreciation it’s the youtube nation - youtubeee

click subscribe, if you wanna watch 4 videos a year - or 3
to see my last one from 10 years ago just click over here - fail
so leave a comment with your reaction you can call me a liar
cause you just witnessed the roast danisnotonfire


(x)