My life is a loop
It has been a while since my last tumblr entry. I thought the last one would be the final one as at that time, I thought I was done with this show for good. Then, there is the weird motivation to reach the 100 show. Of course, besides that, the unexpected appearance of Paul Z’s porter also helped me to go back to Mckinnon. Then one thing leads to another, before I know I reached 100, and on that day, PZ is porter. It was a perfect 100 show as I got all my wishes come true. I don’t even know how to describe that. Serendipity, I suppose.
On my road to 100 show, I had some bad days and some good days. I had some days that I went into the hotel and had no interest to follow anyone and some days I had too many people I wanted to follow. After a certain number of visit, I have to admit that there is a huge transformation in my view of this show. Now, it is more about the relationship between the hotel and I than any particular role. The transformation begins after my visit in NYC as there are just so many differences between the two version. It reached peak when I saw the same performers playing the same roles in two different hotels, and how they adapt themselves according to the difference. So I started a self-reflection journey and realized that it would be impossible to find any performers that I can connect in the same way as some of the previous residents. I was under the assumption that time is still in the hotel yet I forgot in reality time flies. Once I jumped out of this assumption, every visit became fresh and that’s when the magic continues.
Certainly there are still some people I opt not to follow, Just like life, there are someone you are more attracted to and someone you just know you would not have any connection with. There are some relatively new casts that just changed so much from the first time I follow them. There are some images that just linger in my mind: John’s cunning playing with knife, Ian’s porter with Conor’s boy witch after reset, Camila’s Lady Macbeth doing her solo, Fania’s eye contact during rave, Simon and Maren’s whistle… There are certain places I just like to be at. Then there are certain surprises that just bring me to tears.
Yesterday we said goodbye to some of the residents. While it is a very sad day for McKinnon, unlike last time, I ended up following people I wanted to follow instead of following people that are about to leave. Ultimately we will all leave the hotel one way or the other, so I am treating every visit like the last time. I let my heart lead the way instead of my brain. Honestly I don’t think there is anything left in the hotel that I would be dying to see. I keep coming back for the space and the memories. Then, close to the end, just when I least expected, one of the most memorable and sweetest moments I ever had in McKinnon happened.