road work ahead

United States Road Trip Gothic
  • the ice tea is Different here. you try to remember the various regionalisms — is there sugar? lemon? caffeine? — but you’re right on the border between two zones. (you are always right on the border between two zones.) the beverage that finally comes is acrid and smoky, and you drink it while actively trying not to examine it any more closely
  • the burgers, on the other hand, are exactly the same. this diner calls it something different, something special, something unique, but it is the same burger you had last night, which was also called something different, something special, something unique. not the same as that burger, but exactly the same burger. you have eaten this burger every night of your life. you look around at the other diners and wonder if each of you has your own burger, or if you are all, every single one of you, biting down perpetually into one eternal, ever-recycled meal
  • the speed limit is dropping, as tho you are coming to a town. you would like to find a town. you are tired, your car needs gas, and you could use a break. the speed limit drops from 70 to 55, 45, 30, 25. you have not passed a welcome sign. the speed limit is 10. the road stretches ahead, shimmering under the sun, the landscape around it barren and desolate. the speed limit is 5
  • you are on a meandering back road between two nowheres. inexplicably, there is a heavy truck in front of you. there is nowhere to pass for miles and miles, until at last you reach a long flat stretch and zip around, zoom ahead. you turn the next corner, and find another truck in your way. it is the same truck
  • the highway you are traveling along somehow carries routes going in all four cardinal directions at once. you try to remember whether you were aiming for the state route or the interstate, but all the signs seem to be for county roads. did you need to go west or north across Nebraska anyway? you try to gauge your direction from the angle of the sun, but it is shrouded in impenetrable clouds
  • there are police cars studded every ten miles along this road, crudely hidden behind foliage, around bends. as you pass one — slowly — you look inside and notice there is no one. it is a shell, a malevolent carapace, a scarecrow designed to slow down rather than speed up flight. the husks increase in density until there are vast, glittering piles on either side of the roadway, blocking out any view of the landscape beyond. the drivers with local plates are doing 90 in a 65
  • you see a sign giving the distance to the next town. it’s an hour away. you drive on, and twenty minutes later, you see another sign giving the distance to that town. it is still an hour away. it has been an hour away for as long as you can remember
  • it is day seven of your trip. it is not actually day seven of your trip, but every morning you tell yourself it is, because seven seems like a nice number. you’ve still got a few days to go on day seven, but by day seven, surely the bulk of the driving is behind you. surely, you tell yourself. the bulk of the driving. behind you. that’s what it means to be on day seven, which is the day you are on. if you are cheerful enough in your morning humming, you sometimes forget that you told yourself this yesterday as well, and that you are already planning to tell it to yourself again tomorrow
  • there is road work ahead

Stranger things as some of my favourite vines:


Mike: *cycling* road work ahead? Uh yeah I sure hope it does.


Eleven: *watching people fighting behind counter* can I get a waffle? Can I please get a waffle?


Dustin: *watching Max do a skateboard trick* that was legitness


Lucas: what the fuck Kyle, no what did you say to me? Shut the fuck up Kyle


Will: two bros chilling in a hot tub five feet apart cuz they’re not gay


Max: *looks like she’s doing a run up to an awesome trick but just keeps running with the skateboard*


Jonathan: *strumming guitar and singing* hey, how you doing? Well I’m doing just fine, I lied I’m dying inside.


Steve: What up my name’s Steve, I’m 19 and I never fucking learned how to read

Funny quotes from vines that the gang would say.

Steve: *sees road work ahead sign* Road Work Ahead? Umm, I sure hope it does.
Dally: We all die, you either kill yourself or get killed *dances and chants* watcha gonna do?
Sodapop: *sees a dog* Are they real… Are they real dogs?
Two-bit: Ask me what kind of tree we have. Ask me what kind of tree we have. Ask me what kin- CHRIS PINE
Ponyboy: All these ghosts,,, All these ghosts and i still can’t find a boo
Darry: *smacks the table* NOT ON MY WATCH, NOT ON MY WATCH
Johnny: Wow, I can’t believe you’re a real person,,, it’s just i’ve been cat-fished 48 times.
Bob: what the FUCK is up Kyle? NO what’d you say ?what the FUCK dude. step the FUCK UP KYLE
Cherry: Honey, you’ve got a big storm comin.

Tfs as iconic vines

Cyclonus: I love you, bitch. I ain’t never gonna stop loving you, bitch.

Ratchet: Bitch I hope the fuck you do, you’ll be a dead son of a bitch I tell you that.

Rodimus: We all die you either kill yourself or get killed

Perceptor: Stop! I could have dropped my croissant.

Tailgate: Mothertrucker dude, that hurt like a buttcheek on a stick.

Whirl: whaddup, I’m Jared, I’m nineteen and I never fucking learned how to read

Ultra Magnus: Is there anything better than pussy? Yes, a really good book.

Prowl: I won’t hesitate, BITCH.

Fulcrum: *Zach Galifianakis wheeze laugh*

Chromedome: what the fuck is up, no what did you say, what the fuck dude, step the fuck up

Starscream: “there is only one thing worse than a rapist” “a child” NO"

Brainstorm: Road work ahead? Ah yeah, I sure hope it does.

Drift: I thought your were Bae, turns out you were just fam

Optimus: I do love working here, we all have a lot of laughs. *five seconds later* fuck off, prowl , I’m not going to your fucking baby shower

anonymous asked:

What other fics are your faves/masterpieces?

Oooh grayface! You ask the hard questions.

I struggled with answering this over the last couple days for a couple reasons.
FIRSTLY - as I tried to compile the list, I got caught up rereading a bunch. I’ve spent the better part of three days either refreshing my Instagram to flail over lilicole at Coachella, or rereading old favourite fanfics. Total time!suck. lol.

Also, like I’ve said in the past, I read A LOT of fic. Like, I think I was several thousand fics last year (Completed and WIPS) on top of the 53 original novels I read for my goodreads challenge in 2016). I read a lot of fic and honestly, I *like* most of the fics I finish because if I hate something or it doesn’t give me joy, I’m not going to continue reading it. (As an example, just recently, I stopped reading a fic by a friend of mine - not because it’s terrible writing (because it wasn’t) or because I don’t love my friend (cuz I do - she’s talented and wonderful and kind and every good thing) - but because every update of the story was giving me anxiety and literal rage at the characters to the point where I was unproductive in real life because I was so mad. Fic is supposed to be fun - even angsty and emotional fic - so I literally had to unsubscribe and take a step back a bit. I still love her, and will read other stories by her - just not that one anymore. It’s a complex thing. So, there’s that.

And then there is the fact that I like a lot of fics that I wouldn’t call MASTERPIECES but… I *liked* them. It’s hard to know what crosses that line into epic awesomeness. I generally bookmark my particular favourites but again - does that mean I think they’re all MASTERPIECES? What does being a MASTERPIECE entail? And maybe there is fic that I absolutely am over the moon about - that other people wonder “What’s the big deal?” There are several favourites of mine that could be like that.

And what if a fic is short? Most Masterpieces are usually Tolstoy length, aren’t they? Sometimes. But sometimes they’re short and perfect and speak to me RIGHT NOW (before more canon makes them suddenly AU) but reading them after isn’t as gut punchy. And sometimes they start as AU and yet they’re still freaking spectacular.

And I hate to throw even one more wrench into the problem - but here’s another: I’ve been around fandom in general for a LONG time. Like 12 years. 12 years where I was really active in fic writing/reading/reviewing/betaing/reccing etc. That makes for a LOT of different specific fandoms. Are you interested in the fics I fell in love with 10 years ago when all I read was Draco/Ginny? Or what about my Sherlolly love? Or Hiccastrid? Or Gendarya? Or Violate? Or Shenny? Or Reylo? Or most recently Bughead? Like - I have a lot of favourites that I read and reread over and over again in all of those fandoms.

And what if a MASTERPIECE is a fan favourite? Does it HAVE to be a fan favourite? Maybe it was written by a BNF and maybe it wasn’t. I was accused of BEING a BNF once (which is laughable - as I’ve mentioned in posts before, I’m a collector of BNF friends - I don’t claim to be one myself) - but does that colour whether I think something is a MASTERPIECE or not?

Does my opinion even matter for that matter?

One last thing before I actually give you a mini list of just a FEW of my favourite “Masterpiece” fics. As I’ve said, I like to collect writers. It’s kinda selfish of me - but I like to surround myself with fandom friends who have so much talent that the metaphorical room is thick with it. Probably because I’m only a mediocre writer myself - but I sure do know how to fangirl people who deserve praise. So, sometimes I love an author so much that every thing they write is a Mastepiece to me. How can I choose when everything they write is so perfect?

You see why this is a SUPER tough question?

ANYWAY - if you got through that, you deserve some links. Remember, some of these will be in fandoms that you aren’t into, greyface. But I hope one or two of them catch your eye. I loved each and every one of them.

And if you’re a writer, and I’ve loved on one of your stories with comments and praise and yet it’s NOT mentioned right here - that doesn’t mean that in the eyes of “Jandy Salmon” it’s not a Masterpiece, it just means that I had so much to choose from and such conflicting feelings about which/how many to share that it didn’t get mentioned. But remember, I’m sincere in every review I leave - and I try to leave at least fangirly squeeing on like 95% of the stories/chapters I read (which is a freaking lot). It’s been a while since I posted fic, but I /still/ receive reviews that make my heart happy and I think being actively engaged with reviews helps build connections with the authors I love.

Right? Okay Right. Here’s the list of just a FEW of my favourites (fics that I would probably call MASTERPIECES) that I read over and over again because I love them THAT much:

Jane Austen

The Effect Series by Shem (Kitty Bennet/OC, Lizzie/Darcy)
http://archiveofourown.org/series/115954

Everingham by katharhino (Fanny Price/Henry Crawford)
http://archiveofourown.org/works/279556

Mansfield End by Ione (Fanny Price/Henry Crawford)
http://archiveofourown.org/works/1072559

How to Train your Dragon

Simple Gifts byEcoutez (Hiccup/Astrid)
http://archiveofourown.org/works/1925469

Game of Thrones

Not Today by ebmordecai (Arya/Gendry)
http://archiveofourown.org/works/407295?view_full_work=true

Pretty much any (Jaime/Brienne) fic by SigilBroken but especially these two series’:
Honour Thy Regard http://archiveofourown.org/series/48322
In this Light http://archiveofourown.org/series/53759

Sherlock (Sherlolly)

Longer Than the Road That Stretches Out Ahead by sunken_standard
http://archiveofourown.org/works/434802

In the End by Lono
http://archiveofourown.org/works/671569/

The Deaf and the Blind and the Color Red by Solshine
http://archiveofourown.org/works/375335

The Falling by Petra Todd
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8455202/1/The-Falling

The Full House by Emcee
http://archiveofourown.org/series/18800

That 70s Show (Hyde/Jackie)

Hyde’s Long Way Home by MistyMountainHop
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7072364/1/Hyde-s-Long-Way-Home

Sky High (Warren/Layla)

Why Villains Have A Better Life By  KFD
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4297395/1/Why-Villains-Have-A-Better-Life

It Just Takes Some Time By Half-elf
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3878294/1/It-Just-Takes-Some-Time

The Office (Jim/Pam)

Oracle Mom By time4moxie
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3893458/1/Oracle-Mom

In My Life, I Love You More By bluelimit
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6420571/1/In-My-Life-I-Love-You-More

Laugh this Life with Me by shannanagin
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/2853729/1/This-Life-With-Me

Big Bang Theory (Shenny)

the paladin protocol by spaceanjl
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5623923/1/

miles to go (before i sleep) by medusa20
http://archiveofourown.org/works/250535/chapters/387524

& light is only now just breaking by allthingsholy
http://archiveofourown.org/works/154681

the road ahead is clear again by notalwaysweak
http://archiveofourown.org/works/250525/chapters/387513

Doctor Who (mostly Ten/Rose)

Chaos Verse by earlgreytea68 (The whole collection is AMAZING)
http://earlgreytea68.livejournal.com/82528.html

Welcome To Your Life by cenowar
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3130472/1/Welcome-To-Your-Life

Life As You Know It by cenowar
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3575257/1/Life-As-You-Know-It

Battlestar Galatica (Lee/Kara)

Alone Time by alissabobissa
http://beyond-insane.livejournal.com/601124.html

Any and EVERY Starbuck/Apollo fic by hackaddict  (Freaking MASTER of BSG fic)
http://hackaddict.livejournal.com/tag/starbuck%2Fapollo

Harry Potter

For our allotted time is the passing of a shadow by florahart (Cedric/Hermione *whut?*) http://hp-springsmut.livejournal.com/79314.html

Under by Tudorrose1533 (Draco/Ginny)
http://dracoandginny.com/viewstory.php?sid=5065&chapter=1

The More is My Unrest by Arabella and Jedi Boadicea (Draco/Ginny)
http://www.sugarquill.net/read.php?storyid=848&chapno=1

American Horror Story (Violate)

Sucker Love by Tjoek  *Incomplete but still a Masterpiece*
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7612662/1/Sucker-Love  

You have been Weighed by Shootingstella
http://ahs-exchange.livejournal.com/8634.html

Then anything written by @lolableu (who also writes awesome Divergent fanfic btw), GrayGlube @whatwouldflorencedo (also awesome GoT fic), ScarletWoman @feelavalanche (also started one of my fave Veronica Mars WIPs), and OhYellowBird @ohhyellowbird (also wrote a freaking AMAZING Reylo fic too). These girls are my Awesome Nerds - my Lunchtable girls and I love them. There is no higher praise than that. Read them.

Veronica Mars (Dick/Mac)

Sinclair-Mackenzie  by BIFF1
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10127131/1/Sinclair-Mackenzie

Mercy on the Undeserved By LVfangirl
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10310550/1/Mercy-on-the-Undeserved

Star Wars (Reylo) - probably the hardest section to choose from - because I’ve literally read over 1000 fics in the last year and bookmarked nearly 100 which I *liked/loved*.

Firstly - read anything by diasterisms (kylorenvevo) - especially
Ghostwalks (Gin and Fog) http://archiveofourown.org/works/6931657 (there are only like a dozen stories so I’m serious when I say read them all. *waves fangirly flag*

when there’s nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire. by ohyellowbird (told you she’d show up down here)
http://archiveofourown.org/works/5564245

Forms by Trebia  (a fandom staple)
http://archiveofourown.org/works/5454443

Isolation by TearoomSaloon
http://archiveofourown.org/works/5937457

Sky Marked Souls by AnonymousMink
http://archiveofourown.org/works/5816995

On a White Horse by ms_qualia
http://archiveofourown.org/works/5863972

Ahgh - there are just so many Reylo fics. This is definitely not a definitive list. Read terapid, corariley, and perrydowning too. I promise I love SO many and all of you writers are freaking brilliant.

OKAY - and lastly Bughead (Riverdale). It’s still new for me. Most of my most favourite fics aren’t finished yet. Like, I hope you’re reading these future masterpieces - that aren’t finished - but are DELICIOUS and if we’re all very, very good - maybe the authors will love us enough to make sure they get finished: (these are just a few of my very faves - I don’t usually rec WIPs but these are just really freaking good!)

tell them we sold out by thedeadsea33
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10524258
(FIGHTCLUB AU - and it freaking WORKS! Juggie is perfect here.)

I’ll Wait for You by AGirlNamedWhiskey
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10478181
(UNDERGROUND RACING AU - and it also freaking works! Jughead’s wink will KILL you in the very first chapter. The author also writes a fic named Space and Time which is also brilliant and should be read.)

Chiaroscuro by formergirlwonder
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10337472/chapters/22849886
(Noir! And it’s amazing! I swear this was filmed in black and white)

lost and found by @lusterrdust
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10030289
(Future Fic - and it will make you emotional with it’s perfection.)
(Also - read all of lusterrdust’s stories. They’re amazing. All of them)

Bizarre Love Triangle (Series) by @ficmuse
http://archiveofourown.org/series/697908 
(First fic is complete and it’s fabulous and campy with cool music and a HEA. Currently Story 2 is WIP but intense and potentially angsty. Hold on to that HEA, friends.)

Not Quite Shakespeare (Series) by Taeyn
http://archiveofourown.org/series/684909
(GORGEOUS. I wish there were 10 times as many stories in this series)

Hoping For Dandelions by HeartIconography
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10159226/chapters/23522034
(SUPER Delicious slow-burn. The SlowBurn is killing me)

Break Free and Run (Series) by sylwrites
http://archiveofourown.org/series/700677
(Seriously - every story gets better and better and better. College AU.)

1971 by shingekinoboyfriends
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10498407/chapters/23161344
(1971 AU perfection - the mystery has just gotten started!)

—– And lastly. These Bughead fics are complete and perfect and could and should be read as Masterpieces right now!

Softly Glowing from Within by formergirlwonder
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10141253

So Talk by zombiekittiez
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10127753

Four Times Before the First Time by slantedsunlight
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10225847

anonymous asked:

I just relapsed after almost 4 years of not harming myself. I don't know who else to tell. I am so sad and so ashamed. I worked so hard 😭

I want you to understand something.

I know it took a lot of courage for you to come to me. to tell me. to admit it. 

I know the pain and sorrow and despair that drove you to it.

I know you feel alone and hopeless.

and all of that… is perfectly ok.

your feelings are valuable. important. and its okay.

I know why you did it. i understand it. and its okay.

but also understand this….

you dont have to do that. because you’re beautiful, and important… at least to me. if you’re reading my blog.. you mean something to me. if you gain even one ounce of improvement from what i write.. you are important to me. you matter. you mean something. and you dont have to do that to yourself.

you did what you thought was right for the time. theres no shame in that.

our mistakes are what make us grow. make us strong. unite us for a better tomorrow. Take the positives you learned from this and apply them to that future. throw everything else away… everything else doesnt matter.

its a new day now. a new chance. a new opportunity to take that one step forward. and you can… and you will… and i know these things.

you ARE strong… you have been and you will be. I have faith in you. I believe in you.

pick yourself up. get back to work. the road ahead is long… and I need you to be here. littles like you are what keep me going. keep me growing.. you… you help me. you are a great helper. 

and I am proud of you.

anonymous asked:

i cant get over the idea of neil developing this really obscure sense of humor in his college years from prolonged exposure to the foxes? they introduce him to memes n ironic millenial comedy n he takes on andrews deadpan humour. his social media accounts?? fucking hilarious. a lot of his followers know nothing ab exy but just follow him for his dumb jokes. idk if you've seen it but neil as the guy in the 'road work ahead? uh ye i sure hope it does' vine is what inspired this train of thought

the boy has spent so much energy for so long trying to survive that he’s got some leftover cynicism to spare so obviously it has to become his sense of humour it just makes sense

(also i fuckin love that vine)