rnr madrid

Reasons this Sunday is so full of win:

  • This chick PR’d her 10K! IN SPAIN. ON HILLS. I HATE HILLS.
  • This chick PR’d despite waking up 30 minutes before start time. OY. This run consisted of no breakfast and very little water. Ugh. Thank God the start line was right outside my hotel door!
  • So. Many. Hot. Men. Running. SO MANY. 
  • Fending off men that speak no English while looking a mess. “Tu eres muy guapa”, he says. “HA”, I say. Even though we had trouble communicating, he still walked with me for about 20 minutes and offered to take me to breakfast. Said no, but did a world of good for my ego. 
  • I got my last race medal in SPAIN. In SPAIN! (I don’t plan on doing anything longer than a 5K for the next 6 months, so goodbye medals!)

A detailed recap to come shortly!

"Hi", she says sheepishly.

Er…so I went a bit batshit yesterday. Just a bit. Right. 

Thanks to all of you for the kind words, encouragement here and Daily Mile (Ian!). Much appreciated. 

So, I went 19.73 miles and I’m damn proud of that, seeing as that I could barely run 10K this time a year ago! With that being said, I’m gonna be honest here: 

I do not wish to do it again.

I don’t. I don’t know if I got caught up in all the hype. I don’t know why it took a near 20 mile training run to figure this out. Maybe I’ll regret it later. I don’t know. I do know this:

I do not wish to do it again. 

This may seem ridiculous. I mean, I’ve spent the last 16-20 weeks or so working towards this and I’ve committed. I’ve missed 5 runs through this entire process and  three of those were due to injury. I put in the work and accomplished things I didn’t think were possible, including this 19-20 mile run! Still…

I do not wish to do it again.

After resting and taking Tribander’s advice, I’ve gone over the last year and realized I’ve done the following:

  • 3 half-marathons, 1 being a trail half.
  • 2 10ks
  • 3 5ks
  • A marathon training program.
  • Lost 20 lbs.
  • Become a healthier, happier person.
I’ve done alright.  Do I think I can run a marathon? No doubt. I know that I’m physically capable of it…and one day I’ll get there. Just not today.  If Madrid had a half marathon, I’d be doing that, but they don’t. So instead I’m doing the 10K. Then I’m living out my dream of traveling Europe. And THEN I’m coming back to basics. Starting with small distances and focusing on those. Getting in a good weight training program. Losing weight.  Back to basics. I apologize if this makes me seem like a quitter but, as Tumblr keeps telling me, my journey may not be someone else’s. I don’t feel like a quitter. For the first time in WEEKS, I feel like I’m GOLD. So, now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get the first good sleep I’ve had in 2 months.  WORD.
RNR Madrid: Day 52 -- 19.73

19.73 miles. That, according to Daily Mile, is where I finished my run.

19.73 miles is where I called it quits. 

It was in that 19th mile that something happened. I don’t know what, exactly. 

19.73 miles is where I lost my shit.

I took a look at my watch and realized that I was behind where I needed to be. Significantly behind. About 10 minutes or so. It started to sprinkle, the wind picked up and, as I stood outside the Exxon station, the tears started to fall.

I promise you, and my friends can attest to this, I am NOT a basket case. I’m not one to start crying at the drop of a hat. I’m pretty even-keeled. In the midst of that 19th mile, though, I couldn’t stop it and I physically couldn’t move anymore. I called my father to pick me up, then sat down on a gas station platform and sobbed. 

And sobbed. 

And sobbed some more.

When he came to get me, I could see that I had alarmed him and when he asked me what was wrong, I could only whisper “I get so tired of failing.”

I get so tired of failing.

This race is causing me to lose sleep. I stay up until 3, 4, 5, 6 in the morning trying to figure out how to get better, to get faster. How to lose more weight because maybe that will make me faster. I watch the sun come up as I try to convince myself that I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. 

And I can. Just not in the time limit given.

You have to know your limitations. You do, and as someone who’s fastest mile has been 11:56 (AND THAT’S RECENTLY), I should have damn well knew better than to sign up for a marathon with a 6 hour time limit. But I did, thinking I would miraculously get faster. That it would even itself out. Ha, and now I’m sitting here with this overwhelming panic, knowing that this is another night that I’ll stay up trying to figure this thing out. 

Bottom line is this: I need to accomplish something. SOMETHING. Right now I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything in LIFE and, for some reason, I have put everything on this race. If I do this, then I will have done something. Ridiculous. 

This is driving me crazy. Literally, and what to do about it I don’t know. 

Workout: 19.73 miles