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The next 3 months

Im in this 8 month trap for 3 more months. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me because I no longer want all that I used to want. I don’t want a “relationship”. I don’t want you in the way I used to. But for some damn reason I care so fucking much that its eating me alive. I know I’m doing all I can, but why the fuck is it not enough to satisfy my mind. Why is it not enough to know he will not tell me nor does he want to. God could come to me right now and tell me to let go and stop caring so damn much and I probably still would care enough to kill me inside. So this is how the next three months are going to go: I’m going to say hi and you are going to say hi back. We are going to have conversation that I will end up replaying in my head. We are going to give each other hugs and to be honest those are whatever. I’m going to be upset some days and my best friend will come to the rescue. You are going to be upset some days and I’m going to attempt to save you, but like all superheros they have their kryptonite and mine happens to be the plain simple fact that you won’t tell me. You will tell me you are not OK and I will accept it. I will say OK. I will say OK. I will say ok and it still wont be enough. None of it will be enough. Repeat of the same thing I guess my mind wont get the hang of because its not used to this. So I’ll wait another 3 more months until you are gone and I can be free. I can no longer worry “what is wrong with thee”

omniblacklight:  Ahh I’m sorry I didn’t see your comment until ~3 am so this is kinda late, whoops:

RMCT is the Reddit Minecraft Tourney (r/mctourney), and its competitive minecraft featuring Race for Wool maps

and RFW maps are two-lane pvp maps where two teams go head to head in a race to obtain 3 (or less/more) wool blocks from their respective dungeons and return to place them on the Victory Monument

then RMCT itself is a tourney of RFW maps (usually) and RMCT #5 is currently in round A of the tourney with 32 teams across 16 matches

all the matches are streamed live by spectators, and I find it enjoyable to watch ;P

RMCT Reddit
RMCT About page

I tried so fucking hard and so much, but you can’t force someone to like you and I’m okay with that. And I’m starting to see you can’t force someone to be your friend either. As much as you want to have them as a close friend, you can’t force them. I thought saying something would make things better, at first it did, but now you are doing what you told me not to do. I don’t know