rl digital media

i have approx 80 articles/books/journal pieces in my jstor independent study folder and that’s discounting the 3 or 4 bazin-specific books, i just. 

i kinda had this thing earlier where i told my therapist that i feel like i have to choose between thesis-ing and serious novel writing and that i’m struggling to figure out how to make the most out of the rest of this brief period of my life where i have few(er) responsibilities than i will ever have and more free time, and that i can’t tell if my priorities are really changing re: academic work and my relationship to academia or if i’m just avoiding again. 

and i need to pick an o-fic project, i have like six solid ideas but i obviously need to pick one to focus on right now, and i’m just not…sure….which. 

and of course every time i prioritize fiction writing, i feel like i’m somehow not doing anything at all. but i’m not even that far along with that whole thing, bc i don’t have anything even near the querying stage. not that there’s a rush, but i still want to do it. and if i do that, i don’t know if i’ll be able to continue my independent work, but do i even want to? i mean, i think what i’m interested in is fascinating and lowkey horrifying and it absolutely gets me going like no other question, but. but but but. i feel like i’m going in circles mentally.

regardless, i have to pick a project. and i have cull down this reading list.