river of darkness

The Signs as Japanese Words

(I don’t speak Japanese. I apologize for any grammar/translation errors.)

Aries: Ikigai

“The reason for existing.”

Taurus: Majime

“Someone who can get work done without starting drama.”


Gemini: Tatemae

“What someone pretends to believe so they can meet societal standards.”

Cancer: Irusu

“Pretending to be away when someone knocks on your door.”

Leo: Komorebi

“Sunlight filtering through trees.”

Virgo: Mono no Aware

“Bitter-sweetness or fading beauty.”

Libra: Hanafubuki

“A blizzard of cherry blossoms.”

Scorpio: Kawaakari

“The glow of a river in darkness.”

Sagittarius: Fuubutsushi

“Things that remind one of a season.”

Capricorn: Ukiyo

“Floating world: living detached from life.”

Aquarius: Yugen

“A profound sense of the universe.”

Pisces: Tsundoku

“Buying a book and leaving it unread, piling it with many other unread books.”

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.
Looking back, I can’t remember the truth. I blew everything out of proportion so I could feel the hurt and betrayal and write about it in vivid detail. It was my own method of torture. My own undoing; and I enjoyed every second of it.
—  c.j.n.