*are tortured by an anonymous person who is watching their every move by blackmailing them with their deepest darkest secrets and threatening them in a very violent fashion, playing with them like dolls, before kidnapping them and keeping them captive for a month on the brink of starvation/death and leaving psychological scars they will probably carry for the rest of their lives*
larping is great cause you get to say things like “gods are nothing but false prophets hiding behind the devotion of their followers” and “if you hug the zombie enough it becomes a friend. it might try to bite your arm off, but thats just how they say hello” within ten minutes of each other
oh hi there, we’re the ‘pretty little liars.’ we’re being stalked 24/7, we can’t trust anyone not even our own families, oh and everyone around us keeps dying. each one of us has either committed murder, been accused of murder, witnessed a murder, faked our own death, seen a dead body or a good combination of the few. we have been kidnapped and tortured. some of us have been committed to a mental institution. our lives are threatened constantly along with everyone important to us. collectively we have had more near-death experiences than we can count. but we HAVE PERFECT HAIR AND SKIN, WE’RE ALL GONNA GRADUATE, OUR OUTFITS AND MAKEUP ARE ALWAYS ON POINT AND WE STILL HAVE THE TIME/CONFIDENCE/MENTAL/EMOTIONAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL ABILITY TO DATE AND ENGAGE IN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS.
ok so a lot of people have been commenting on how emily seems to have a lot of love interests and doesn’t seem to ever be single or not having one. so, i made this chronological graph of her relationships and the space between them, and how many episodes she was single so that you get the feel of emily’s dating life.
ok so team I was gonna make this just a shitpost in the middle of the night last night but then I (predictably) got overinvolved in it so I decided to wait to hop on my laptop to give y’all this long-form soulmate AU shitpost.
Soulmate AU where you have an animal companion / daemon who only starts maturing after you meet your soulmate.
Riley is, rather true to form, starting to freak out that she hasn’t met her soulmate yet. Not that it’s not great having a little white puppy follow you around everywhere (it is great. like, really great) but when your parents and little brother met their soulmates at age 6 it’s like, c’mon already. Where is this guy? Even Farkle’s Crow finally started trying to fly after they met Smackle and her Barn Owl. Riley knows 14 still leaves plenty of time, but she’s getting self-conscious. Everyone can see that her little puppy is clearly a puppy and not yet a Dog. Everyone knows.
So when she sees a cute boy on the subway on the way to her first day of high school and sees he has a little brown puppy by his side, she is beyond ecstatic. What are the chances? This guy is perfect and he even has a Dog, just like her! She knows right away that she’s going to love Lucas. She pictures his little pup growing big and strong and running and leaping with her own Partner.
She’s lucky enough to make another new friend on that fateful subway ride, too. A funny blonde with a bad-girl vibe and a storm-dark black kitten. For Maya’s part, she’s pretty excited about meeting Lucas too. Her parents both have Housecats for Partners, and look how that turned out. She likes the whole idea of the girl with the cat falling for the boy with the dog.
And Riley and Maya are both right, in a way. They notice, as the school years drags on, that their Partners are both growing larger. As they grow closer and become best friends they try to avoid one subject of conversation: They both desperately want to see Lucas’ pup growing up, but are both afraid to admit the chocolate puppy is as small and cute as ever.
That’s the problem with this whole system, see. In a city like New York, how many new people do you meet in a day? And it’s not like partners grow up overnight. You could so easily miss it - meeting your soulmate. Everyone has heard the stories. Someone goes on a vacation, not knowing they met their soulmate, and after returning home they realize their partner is nearly full grown. So what if it was someone else on the subway?
The little white puppy isn’t nearly so little or cute anymore. The little black kitten is growing almost too fast.
There’s a small failsafe in the system. Each person has a name for their own Partner, though to the wider world Person and Partner are known both by the Person’s name. Sometimes, somehow, your soulmate will know your Partner’s name.
One day, Riley and Maya are hanging out like normal, when it happens. Maya’s overly-large cat is playing too close to the edge of the Bay Window. The white pup is barrelling up behind. Riley calls out to Maya’s Partner without thinking - “Thunder, no!” even as Maya shouts, “Lightning, stop! You’ll crash into her!”
And then they finally knew.
And as time went on they came to know even more. Riley had no dog, but a Wolf. For she is not only loyal, but fierce. Not just playful, but determined to protect her family too. And Maya had no ordinary Housecat, but a black Panther, for she is not only curious and sometimes independent or conniving, but also beautiful, graceful and impossibly strong.
River, wider than a mile. I’m crossin’ you in style, some day. Old dream maker, You heart breaker. Wherever your goin’, I’m goin’ your way. Two drifters, off to see the world. There’s such a lot of world to see. We’re after the same rainbow’s end. Waitin’ round the bend. My Huckleberry friend.
Moon River and me.”
Inspiration: Maya Hart and her Huckleberry friend, Lucas.