watching b99 and like…i can just imagine lance doing that thing when peralta’s in trouble and he just says “yes my name is amy santiago and i did this, this horrible thing, all me, amy santiago”
[on an alien planet]
alien: you just destroyed this important relic! who are you?? you will pay for this!
lance: my name is keith kogane and yes. i, keith, did indeed do that. send all complaints to me, keith kogane, red paladin.
civil war where everything is the same except team cap/team iron man are rivaling baseball teams!!! this was so fun to make like you guys don’t even KNOW, this was shamelessly inspired by sports animes
everyone gets along except steve and tony who take their rivalry too seriously
Or, YOI is technically a sports anime but doesn’t follow a lot of tropes, so what if I did an AU where it does? And I just happen to love KnB, so basketball it is. High school sports + the Power of the Team and Friendship ™ + student life + training camps + graduating senpais etc…
Content Warnings: Mental Illness, Attempted Murder, Sexual Content, Stalking, Abuse, Animal Abuse Mention, Emetophobia, US Public Education, Military Industrial Complex. I’ve been told this is my most disturbing story, even if it’s hilarious, so mind your health. All the names in this story have been changed to protect the innocent and Not-So-Innocent.
This is the story of Recruiting Sergeant Scott VS. The Lacrosse Jocks VS. Yours truly.
To understand this story, you must understand the dystopian hellscape that is US Public High School- I went to the NICE high school in town, with the AP curriculum and new building, where the the kids were generally too obsessed with getting into the ivy league to do anything worse than occasionally smoke on the roof. Not even weed, just regular cigs. During their off-periods, so they’d have time to febreeze their clothes and arrive to their next class early. You know, the most boring fucking kids ever.
AND STILL, we were subjected to the various scourges of US public ed, namely-
-on-campus police officers and regular “what to do in case of a columbine event” drill. We had Officer Munoz, who was a wonderful Latina Woman with the good sense to focus her efforts on getting kids away from abusive parents rather than persecuting brown kids, but we were VERY lucky on that front. Still, having someone walking around with a gun and technically the authority to kill you, and having to hide in the science cabinets three times a year fucks you up. Remember Officer Munoz though, She is Important.
- A weird, cult-like, frankly masturbatory attitude regarding athletic achievement. The arts and sciences were stuck doing bake sales for supplies while the gym got re-done two years after the school opened. This was tempered in an odd way at my school in that literally all the sports teams unequivocally sucked, with the exception of
1.Marching Band, which went to nationals twice in the first two years the school was open
2.Knowledge Bowl, where kevin and I took the team to 3rd in state in our first year, and only lost because Kevin had an asthma attack so we decided to let the other teams fight over the ‘lesser’ medals
3.Lacrosse, which didn’t actually didn’t GO anywhere, but was a “real” sport and beat our ‘rival’ school, so the team got to be Big Men On Campus, and get away with all kinds of nonsense like eating in class when everyone else was forbidden or skipping tests for ‘practice’. The three worst offenders were Dustin, Jack and “Rattlesnake Pete”, all of whom were budding neo-nazis and thus signed up for German. With our Jewish teacher. Remember them too.
-On-campus military recruiters. As in, people who are legally allowed to exaggerate, manipulate and actually lie to minors to convince them to join the armed forces. Ours was Sergeant Scott, and as much of a skeevy rat as he was I honestly felt bad for him, because remember, academic magnet high school so he had three kinds of kids to work with:
Kids who made the physical standards for the armed forces and were all about honoring their country via physical labor, but were dumb as shit and couldn’t pass the written exam.
Kids who could pass the written exam and were totally ready to bully some people in the third world, but couldn’t do a pull up if you covered the gym floor in cobras.
Kids who passed the physical and mental portions but were uniformly rabidly anti-military industrial complex, to the point where 35 of them crammed into his cubicle in the office he shared with Officer Munoz and Janitor Wendy, so they could hold a sit-in protest of the Iraq war and chant “Impeach Bush” and “War is Murder” at him Someone chucked red paint on him, because they’re furious immature teenagers. It was his first day.
The PIANO MUSIC?! Sun and Moon’s music was amazing?! How will they handle the FUCKING PIANOS?
The starters! Will they get z moves? MEGA evolutions?! Will my boy Infernape return with POWER?!
The visuals duuude Sinnoh was already pretty but the Snow and the Forests! The lakes! Aw man the visuals!!! I can just feel the winter chills of the Lakes, Eterna Forest and the Towering Mount Coronet…
The return of Barry! He’s the strongest trainer with his level cap going around or over 80 which is hilarious. (Stronger than red). How will my ADHD buddy return!!!
Will they update Lucas/Dawn and have them be more useful and helpful?! Please let them do stuff like Hau did!!!
They wrote Lusamine amazingly well and made her so complex! What will they do with Cyrus?!
Will they go into how emotionally manipulative he is? His backstory of abusive parents and his grandpa who cared for him?
How about Saturn?! He was cool as hell! Jupiter, Mars, (Charon I guess)?! The updated visuals on their designs????
THE DISTORTION WORLD?!?!?!
I WAS KINDA UPSET WE COULDNT EXPLORE ULTRA SPACE A BIT BUT IMAGINE HOW FUCKED UP THAT PLACE WOULD BE. SURFING ON THE WALL AND SHIT?!
GIRATINA, DIALGA AND PALKIA!!!!!
Pokemon don’t fucking do this to me.
I’m gonna get a heart attack.
SINNOH PLEASE RETURN!!!!
After years of rivalry, bitter acquaintanceship, and eventual friendship, the realization slaps Lance hard, hard enough to settle into his lungs and sap his life away. It’s when he coughs up a petal that Lance realizes just how far gone he is.
Keith is desperate to keep up appearances, but things are getting harder. He has to lead Voltron while keeping himself in check. His control is reaching the breaking point, and there may be no turning back.
It’s a male strip club, which means Keith’s never short of entertainment during working hours - especially when Blue Rider takes the stage. Because Blue’s hot - definitely talented - and definitely taking an interest in Keith.
All his life he’d been told to make sure he was never seen – it was what all the children were taught from the moment they were born. Never let a human see you, never fall in love with a human, and most importantly, never kiss one.
“There,” he spoke in an almost-whisper, tracing the outline of the imaginary constellation like a child following a dot-to-dot illustration. Keith watched his movements from his peripheral vision, hoping that Lance was too preoccupied to notice the rapid beating of his heart. “Can you see it now?”