"I know that,” I answered. “I’ve been in love before. It’s like a narcotic. At first it brings the euphoria of complete surrender. The next day, you want more. You’re not addicted yet, but you like the sensation, and you think you can still control things. You think about the person you love for two minutes, and forget them for three hours.
"But then you get used to that person, and you begin to be completely dependent on them. Now you think about him for three hours and forget him for two minutes. If he’s not there, you feel like an addict who can’t get a fix. And just as addicts steal and humiliate themselves to get what they need, you’re willing to do anything for love.
Paulo Coelho, By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept: A Novel of Forgiveness
anyway i love sirius black like he has just escaped 12 years imprisonment + one of the first things he does is drop MAJOR money on a world-class professional level broomstick to anonymously send a 13 year old he is so risky + ridiculous i love him
When I figure out what it is that frightens me, I shall also know what I love here. Fear has always guided me toward what I desire. And because I desire, I fear. Often it was fear that took me by the hand and led me. Fear leads me to danger. And everything I love is risky.
Clarice Lispector, from Complete Stories; “Brasília”
Hc: yuuri gets the hiccups after he cries and it leaves people conflicted because wtf he was just breaking my heart by crying and now he's so adorable.
Oh man. Anyone who’s witnessed this has probably had to die.
Well, no, not really. But the only good thing about people feeling sorry for Yuuri, or even appearing to feel sorry for Yuuri, is that his sheer burning frustration tends to override whatever he was crying about. He is of the ‘don’t look at me don’t touch me pretend this never happened’ school of crying, and while I think he’ll relax this a little in the future, he’s never going to be great with it:
I am totally with @lavenderprose on Victor’s extreme difficulty with ignoring a crying Yuuri until he’s wound down enough to accept comfort.
(And Yuuri does, eventually, bit by bit, start accepting comfort from Victor in his own way. It’s incredibly weird for him. Not in the least because he’s not sure how he feels about how much he’s started to rely on it.)
(He will eventually stop overthinking that so much, but This is Not That Day.)
Mari, on the other hand, isthe best at dealing with a crying Yuuri because she is incredibly good at pretending he’s not crying.
Once she watched three entire dumb movies with him while he wore sunglasses, inside, to hide how horrendously crying-swollen his face was. She never called attention to it.
Phichit is naturally a very soothing person most of the time, but at any given time he is ready to kill a man for Yuuri, so. Getting upset in front of him is a risky move.
Celestino is super lovely and solicitous when his skaters are upset in a way that most of his students adore him for and in a way that Yuuri absolutely and totally cannot deal with.
There’s a lot of competition footage where Celestino has his arm soothingly around Yuuri’s shoulders while Yuuri is very clearly pretending none of this is happening.
Pretty soon after his arrival in St. Petersburg, Yuuri’s wallet is stolen while he’s stress-exploring the opposite side of the city. After a good long frustration-cry, he comes to the conclusion that he needs a ride home, but he can’t deal with sympathy. So he calls the person he’s confident won’t show him any.
INCORRECT: what follows is the most awkward car ride of Yuuri’s life, in which Yakov 1) tries to convince Yuuri to file a police report and 2) intermittently stares at him like an injured baby bird he’s afraid to pick up.
Yuuri will learn in time that the person you’ll want to call in this situation is Lilia, who will leave concealer and wet wipes at the bathroom door and let you quietly pull yourself together like the prima you are.
(Lilia’s influence on Yuri P is never so clear as the time Yuuri leaves the bathroom stall he’s hiding in at the rink and almost trips over the things Yuri’s piled messily on the floor. Not all of them are useful - it’s like Yuri panicked and grabbed whatever was in reach? But Yuuri is equal parts mortified and touched.)
“I [...] want to live the most vividly decorated temporary life that I can. I don’t just mean physically; I mean emotionally, spiritually, intellectually. I don’t want to be afraid of bright colors, or new sounds, or big love, or risky decisions, or strange experiences, or weird endeavors, or sudden changes, or even failure.”
There’s a disturbing trend I’m noticing in fandom nowadays. Now, obviously, there’s exceptions to what I’m about to talk about (there are those who don’t fall into this behavior, of course), but I’d say it’s a problem with the majority.
The majority of fandom has made what qualifies content as good or bad into extremely summarized ideas and often ignores the big picture.
Say there’s a fic that deals with a ship that would likely include abuse.
“BAD, WHAT’S WRONG WITH THAT CREATOR? HOW DARE THEY?”
“Okay, but in the fic they deal with these abusive behaviors and call them out and they-”
“NO. THAT SHIP IS ABUSIVE. YOU APPROVE OF ABUSE. YOU NEED TO STOP.”
Yet the same people will look at a fic that involves a ship that is overall supported and considered healthy while the fic itself includes abuse.
“OH MY GOD, WHAT IS GONNA HAPPEN? WHEN ARE THEY GONNA FIGURE OUT THEY LOVE EACH OTHER ALREADY?”
“But this character has treated the other terribly so far and they aren’t approaching any of this in a healthy mann-”
“BUT TRUE LOVE CAN FIX IT, WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU? YOU JUST WANT TO MAKE IT ABUSIVE AND CAUSE TROUBLE. YOU NEED TO STOP.”
It happens over and over again.
Enemies-to-lovers ship: ABUSE! BAD!
Commonly accepted ship in an enemies-to-lovers AU: OMG ITS SO HOT
Age gap ship: PEDOPHILIA! BAD!
Commonly accepted ship in an age gap AU: AHHH I LOVE IT! MORE!
Student/Teacher ship: UNHEALTHY POWER DYNAMIC! BAD!
Commonly accepted ship in a Student/Teacher AU: AHHH SO HOT AND RISKY! I LOVE IT!
Essentially, fandom is starting to learn there are some unhealthy things out there (which is good, don’t get me wrong, I hope we all grow wise enough to realize things like 50 Shades is unhealthy before they can get the chance to be popular enough to spread the wrong message like the generations before), but they simplify it to buzz words and essentially judging a book by its cover. If the idea of a character or ship is considered an unhealthy thing, they attach those unhealthy buzzwords to them and often ignore if that unhealthiness is acknowledged and dealt with appropriately. While at the same time, they’ll see a character or ship that has no unhealthy ideas attached to them and will go about their fics/art/vids/etc oblivious to the abusive behaviors that could be in them and not acknowledged properly because they think this character/ship can do no wrong.
And then many will go so far as to outcast or bully those who like the things with unhealthy buzzwords attached regardless of how they may go about it while turning around and glorifying creations that are far more abusive than anything those people may like.
It’s like making one step in the right direction but also taking ten steps back.
And this double standard drives me absolutely bonkers.