risks

“Why do you always push people away? Why can’t you let us in? What’s scaring you?” he shouted in frustration. The last thing he wanted to do was scare or upset her, but these questions had been weighing on his chest since the moment that he met her, and maybe it was time he finally got some answers.

“I push people away because they always leave!” she yelled back. “And I can’t go through that cycle again! I can’t be me because nobody likes me, so instead of being me and having to watch them leave, I’m this and I don’t have to risk them leaving because they don’t like me either.”

He sighed at this, taking a step closer to her. “Have you ever thought about the fact that maybe, people leave because you’re pushing them away and not the other way around? Because as much as it hurts losing someone, it also hurts knowing that apparently you don’t mean enough for them to open up to you. It sucks losing people, I know that, but you can’t only think about yourself. You can’t complain about people leaving you when you haven’t even considered the fact that maybe it’s not you, it’s the way you’re treating them and the way you make them feel. Like they’re not important to you.”

—  b.d. // excerpt from a book i’ll never write #55