rishtay

“A Kiss a Day Keeps the Lawyer Away”.

A very thoughtful and insightful perspective from Sheikh Mirza Yawar Baig on strengthening the relationship between husband and wife.

Very good article by Shaykh Yawar Baig:

Allah said about the marriage:

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ

Rum 30: 21. And among His Signs is this, that He created for you (mates) spouses from among yourselves, that you may find tranquility in them, and He has put between you love and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect

The marriage is based on three principles: Sukoon, Mawaddah, Rahma

Sukoon (Tranquility):

No movement away from the spouse…heart, eyes, company. You are and must become each other’s best friends, confidants, supporters and advisers.

No public arguments or contradicting each other before others under any circumstances.

No carrying tales about each other to anyone else…absolutely anyone else. Especially NOT to your parents.

Settle differences mutually between yourselves because you’re adults
If you’re not adults, don’t get married.

Tranquility of the home is critical– No storm in the port.

No running battles at home – no scoring points over one another – no power struggles at home.

Don’t nag. If he wanted a nag he would have married a horse. So would she.

Do the small things: Those small thoughtful, tender, loving things that touch the heart.

Don’t do the small things: Those small petty, irritating, aggravating things that make them angry.

Just because he/she is silent it doesn’t mean they’re happy. Silence can hide many things including disgust, grief, hopelessness, despair and anger.

Communicate, communicate, communicate. Don’t keep it inside. It will fester and grow until it bursts. Let out the steam before it blows up the cooker. But let it out with concern. Don’t blame but talk about how it affected you. Don’t say, “You insulted me.” Say, “When you said that, I was very hurt.”

Remember that marriage is about trust. Trust means that there are no barriers between you, no defences. So take special care because your words will go straight to the heart. And no matter what, you can heal the sick but you can’t raise the dead. Words can kill more effectively than weapons so consider carefully before speaking anything negative.

Never react. Respond after thinking and only if you need to. And do that appropriately in the right place at the right time.

Always defend each other…their honor is your honor. What hurts your spouse, hurts you.

No arguments at the dining table and in the bedroom. Show only concern and affection.

No screens (TV, phone, iPad) at the dining table or bedroom. Give each other attention.

Mawaddah (Love)

Enjoy each other physically, mentally, spiritually.

Enjoy mentally by good conversation and humor (Laugh with, not at). Never bad-talk your spouse directly or indirectly. Humor is fine. Mocking is shameful.

Enjoy spiritually by praying together. Couples who pray together, stay together.

Show love…not on anniversaries but every day. An apple 🍎 a day keeps the doctor away. A kiss a day keeps the lawyer away.

Show mutual respect in every way. Disrespecting your spouse is to insult yourself.

Demonstrate affection appropriately and at the right time and place but demonstrate it. Don’t leave it to them to guess. Be embarrassed about disputing in public and about disobeying Allah. Not about showering your spouse with affection.

There’s nothing cute about laughing at your spouse. It just shows that you’re a lousy decision maker. If he’s such a joker why did you marry him in the first place. Change him to her..same message.

Show that you trust and never betray trust. Remember that it takes a lifetime to build trust and one action to destroy it. After that you may be forgiven but you’ll never be trusted again. Don’t do that to yourself.

Never lie. Never cheat. Always be truthful because even if you can deceive your spouse, you can’t deceive Allah.

Express thanks verbally, nonverbally and daily. Don’t assume that they know. Allah knows but He said that He would increase the blessings you show gratitude for and warned of punishment for those who don’t express gratitude. Expressing gratitude is about you and your character. Not about the other.

Spend time together: Love needs nurturing and nourishment like a beautiful plant. Without that it will wither and die.

Mulaqaatain Zaroori Hain,
Agar Rishtay Bachanay Hain,
Laga Kar Bhool Janay Se To Poday bhi Sookh Jatay Hain…Ghalib

Raazdani Zaroori Hai,
Agar Rishtay Nibhany Hain,
Rishtay fursat kay nahin tawajjo kay mohtaj hotay hain…my concoction.

A marriage is not a hobby. Marriage is commitment which earns huge rewards but needs attention and maintenance. It’s not a machine that runs on its own. It’s a beautiful rose garden that you have to tend and nurture to be able to enjoy. Others can’t do it for you. You have to grow your own roses. Remember finally that even the most beautiful and fragrant roses have thorns.

The home is not a hotel. Couples must spend quality time together every day…not just on holidays. Being bodily present before the TV imbibing popcorn doesn’t amount to spending time together.

One meal and one prayer together as a family every day is mandatory. Build this into your schedule. Change your work if you need to but don’t compromise on this.

Wake up each other for Tahajjud because Allah loves the man who wakes his wife up for Tahajjud and the woman who wakes her husband up for Tahajjud. If you have Allah’s love your marriage can’t go wrong.

Don’t criticise each other for anything other than violation of religious duties. Even that, don’t criticize but advise lovingly. Then make special dua for your spouse.

Your spouse is your asset. Treat them like assets. Care for them, protect them, maintain them, pamper them, make sure that they’re well and happy.

Make sure your earning and food is always Halal. It affects your marriage positively. Haraam earnings and doubtful food poisons your marriage and life. Halal earnings and food have Baraka, give Izzah, protect against illness and loss and earn Allah’s pleasure.

Rahma (Mercy)

Maintain a Book of Good Deeds: Write down daily whatever good you receive from your spouse no matter how small.

Keep it in a place accessible to both and read it daily. This encourages each other to do good and to remember it at times when things are tough.

Forget anything bad. Don’t demand apologies but always hasten to offer your own. Be gracious when your spouse apologises because one day you’ll need that grace yourself.

Never remind about negatives from the past. Don’t stockpile garbage. Or you’ll have to smell the stink yourself.

Remember and be mentally prepared for tough times, materially, mentally and spiritually. They will come but if you’re connected with Allah and recall the good you received from one another you’ll sail through them.

Consciously thank one another and thank Allah. Any time you feel you’re getting a raw deal, look at someone who’s worse off. Sadly plenty of examples of that all around.

Thank Allah for your spouse. If he/she is good, you should be thankful. If not it’s an opportunity for Sabr and Allah is with those who have Sabr. So thank Allah always.

Beware of hurting the pious spouse for she’s connected to Allah. If she’s helpless against you and calls upon her Rabb, He’ll answer her. Never put yourself in that position. Same advice for bossy, aggressive wives lording it over submissive husbands.

Marriage is another word for adjustment. Adjustment means to understand that you have to give up something to get something. What you get in a good marriage is far superior to whatever you give up in terms of career, freedom or friends. Never forget that.

If you don’t believe that, don’t get married because a marriage ruined for a career, friends or freedom is suicide and Hell on earth.

Remember that Allah will reward you for every time you behave with Sabr so be patient. Nothing lasts forever. Not even the bad time that you’re going through.

A closed mouth gathers no evil. So speak good or remain silent. What you didn’t say can’t hurt you, so don’t say it.

Finally remember that mercy is to return good in exchange for evil. Not good for good. We expect that from Allah as we expect forgiveness for our sins.

Rasoolullah (S) said that Allah will show mercy to those who show mercy to others. Show mercy because you’ll also need mercy one day

May Allah fill your life with grace, Baraka and Rahma.

ﮐﺘﻨﮯ ﺩﻭﺭ ﻧﮑﻞ ﮔﺌﮯ ﺭﺷﺘﮯ ﻧﺒﮭﺎﺗﮯ ﻧﺒﮭﺎﺗﮯ
ﺧُﻮﺩ ﮐﻮ ﮐﮭﻮ ﺩﯾﺎ ﺍﭘﻨﻮﮞ ﮐﻮ ﭘﺎﺗﮯ ﭘﺎﺗﮯ
ﻟﻮﮒ ﮐﮩﺘﮯ ﮨﯿﮟ ﮨﻢ ﻣُﺴﮑﺮﺍﺗﮯ ﺑﮩﺖ ﮨﯿﮟ
ﺍﻭﺭ ﮨﻢ ﺗﮭﮏ ﮔﺌﮯ ﺩﺭﺩ ﭼُﮭﭙﺎﺗﮯ ﭼُﮭﭙﺎﺗﮯ
۔

Kitne door nikal gay rishtay nibhaty nibhaty.
Khud ko kho diya apno ko patay patay..
Log Kehty hain hum muskaraty bhut hain.
Aur hun thak gay dard chuptay chuptay !!

anonymous asked:

Part4: Also, like he said in his shayri: 'Abb dil ko tumsay kaam hai kiya, iss rishtay ka naam hai kiya' hinting at the fact that he's now trying to figure things out in his head (?) and needs time-That's what Gauri hasn't been able to grasp, IMO thus his complaint..what you said is probable, of course, but it didn't ever come across like he felt indebted to her probably cause Gauri never 'forced' herself on him, even if in her heart she was looking for acceptance she never vocalized it.

She didn’t make it seem like she has done some ‘ehsan’ on him, so I am not entirely sure if he should feel burdened by her actions. I think the reverse is true, Gauri felt indebted to Om for saving her life and that became the basis for all her actions. That’s why she never let her ego take precedence inspite of the insults..I feel if O had felt indebted to G then he wouldn’t have hesitated in giving their relationship a name-kind of like a payback of sorts, maybe?

Yes, these two are Gaddha’s of the highest order, lol, I wish CVs would make them interact more-kaan taras jatay hain to hear them talk. My apologies for putting you through this torture. Ohh and before I sign off I did miss you! I thought you had finally quit after the exhibition fiasco and the ensuing ‘education track’. Congratulations on becoming a phopoo, May Allah (swt) bless the babies with good health and make them the coolness for their parents eyes. Much love, Z.

Tumblr ate up the first parts! 

DBO finale? Omkara may not have the answer as to why he himself wanted Gauri to stop from leaving but he couldn’t deny the stuff she had done for his family. Day1 se Gauri had done so much for his family, sometimes as his friend as sometimes as his wife. Omkara is sensible enough to not deny it once he realized that she did not have ulterior motives behind it. That’s the debt I was referring to. Gauri has repaid his debt of saving her and MAAAAAA’s life by doing 10x more for his family. I don’t think Omkara is a fool to not realize that. 

Chulbul was different. Chulbul was a friend. Omkara could seek his help because he knew that when the time came their relationship demanded that Omkara does the same. And Omkara did. But Gauri? Who was she to him to do all these things like exposing Svetlana (and almost dying for it) and bearing his insults again and again to save his skin from the law and then staying with him for three months when even the doctors had given up on him and announced him virtually dead and then again staying in the house to expose Bua Maa’s vile ways? 

Yes, Gauri has time and again said she didn’t do all that as an ‘ehsaan’ for him. Even now she doesn’t regret those actions or wants to be rewarded for them. That was her own choice. But how can Omkara just stand by and not have ANY reaction to all of that? Even if Omkara doesn’t say it..how can he be totally okay with being saved like this again and again when from his side..the relationship doesn’t have a proper existence? Because by being okay and silently accepting all these actions, he is accepting that he is in the position where it’s his right to be treated like that. And that’s not an Omkara thing to do - silently accepting special treatment without questioning it. 

Friends do stuff for friends because that’s what friendship is all about. That was ChulKara, relationship which was treated as equal. But RiKara? Gauri has always remained so one-sided in her deeds. She can do whatever she wants for Omkara and call it her “farz” but Omkara reciprocates even a little bit toh “ehsaan nahin chaiye aapka”? Omkara thinks their relationship has now come to a point where even if he doesn’t give it a name, it doesn’t take away anything from them. But Gauri thinks all of the things they have gone through are for naught if there is no name to the relationship. Unless he accepts her as his wife (or friend) Omkara’s actions for Gauri mean nothing. Without these titles, Gauri thinks she is a stranger to Omkara. Whereas for Omkara titles aren’t of high concern because they have gone through things these titles can hardly justify. 

Omkara is trying to give her what she needs because it’s obvious to him that without all that..they can’t ever progress. But for that he needs time. His fault is that he isn’t telling Gauri all that. These are simple words he can’t say. It’s also his fault for thinking that his relationship with Gauri is beyond superficial terms. He has been all heart for her ever since the MU clearance. Whereas Gauri is adamant that there has to be a name to the relationship phir chahe jo kuch bhi ho. She isn’t wrong. But neither is he. Baat wohi hai ke they are at two very different points in the same relationship. ALL BECAUSE THEY DON’T COMMUNICATE PROPERLY!! 

anonymous asked:

‘Rishtay kaanch ki tarha hotay hain. Shak ki aik daraar kaafi hoti hain unhe tornay ke liye.’ 😭😭😭😭 TEJ is just so difficult to hate. Such a cute father figure. And omggg yes Harneet’s actually done really well to take this route because looking at her track record she would’ve easily ignored the absence of Shrenu. Credit where it’s due.

I am learning to say “writers” instead of Harneet now cuz that lady most definitely isn’t the head writer of the show. She’s a screenplay writer, right? Someone else handles the story. So now all my praise and criticism will be for that “someone” instead of just calling out Harneet for everything. Fandom has made her the face of everything that goes on in the show because Flower Khan’s gang has taken a liking for her. That’s not the case and I no longer accept to follow this mentality.

THAT BEING SAID!! I know naaa!! Mahesh Thakur is so SQUISHY when he’s being all positive that it becomes very hard to hate Tej for his past misdeeds. Omkara shouldn’t forgive Tej, ever, because I can understand that but I don’t think I can resist myself from being #TeamTej if he becomes all proRikara and actually becomes a father figure to Gauri. OML IMAGINE THAT I’LL CRY!!!