The thing is, I would love to have sex with you again. Like, I’m talking to you here right now, but there’s another version of me, like an alternate version in a parallel universe that’s just ripping your clothes off and climbing you like the sequoia you are. You know what I’m saying? Sequoia? Yeah ‘cause your like tall, and hard, and wooden, and sexy, and native to California so just get out of here. Please. Please just get out of here.
Club AU where Yuuri is a bartender, Yurio takes Victor to "have the old man loosen the fuck up" and Victor accidentally falls in love with Yuuri. He starts visiting Yuuri every day at the club, but when he realizes Yuuri is a huge dork that wears glasses and grandpa sweaters, he asks Yuuri why on earth he would work in such a place. Then Yuuri nonchalantly just downs a bottle of Vodka, rips off his clothes and begins pole dancing as a response.