Hey there! Easter is almost upon us, and you know what that means…bunnies!
Let’s take a moment to discuss some bunny related facts that will hopefully help deter you from purchasing a rabbit for this holiday.
1.) Domesticated rabbits live from 8-15 years. The Average rabbit lives around 10-12.
2.) The baby bunnies you see in pet stores are usually around 2 months old, so they will be super cute and fluffy and affectionate! Which is exactly what pet stores WANT you to think you will be getting. BUT, this is a trap! Baby Bunny will hit puberty between 5-7 months of age, and will become a cranky, territorial, sexually frustrated TEENAGER.
3.) Teenage bunnies, particularly males, will spray urine on EVERYTHING, including you, your floor, your walls, your bed, and other bunnies. I don’t mean just a little tinkle, I mean literally the wall near your bunny’s housing will be literally coated in a crust of urine. It’s nasty, sticky, and it SMELLS.
4.) Unless you spay/neuter (which usually costs around 150-300 dollars) your bunny will continue to urinate on everything. females will rip their fur out and build nests and are much more likely to develop uterine cancer if they are not spayed.
5.) Rabbits love to rip carpet, chew on furniture, chew on baseboards, pee and poop on the floor(even if they are litter box trained, they will still scatter droppings as a way of saying “this is mine!”)
6.) Baby Bunny will triple or even quadruple in size. The average bunny is around 5 pounds, but some get even heavier than that. Dwarf breeds will average around 1.5 to 3 pounds.
7.) Rabbits are VERY social and get VERY sad and angry and depressed when kept alone in a tiny cage. Bunny should have a LARGE enclosure (NOT A PET STORE CAGE) and should have at least one friend. How would you like to live alone in a closet for your entire life? you would not!
8.) Rabbits require a daily diet of pellet (with NO added cereals, nuts, or candies) unlimited hay (all day every day, yep, it’s expensive) and a daily salad (green leafy vegetables EVERY SINGLE DAY)
9.) Think you can just leave bunny locked in a cage all day when you get bored of him? WRONG! Bunny gets bored, so he spends ALL NIGHT angrily biting and shaking the bars, digging and clawing at the floor, throwing his bowl around and biting his water bottle. He will keep you up all night long and drive you insane! (this also means is house is WAY too small and he needs more toys and room to play!)
10.) Rabbits get sick, they need to see the vet! Rabbit vets are expensive and hard to find. can you afford a rabbit vet?
11.) Are you prepared to clean his litter box and feed him every single day? Can you spare 3-4 hours to sit and supervise him while he has his REQUIRED out-of-cage time? No? Then you should not own a rabbit.
RABBITS ARE NOT FOR EASTER.
A RABBIT IS A HIGH MAINTENANCE, 10-12 YEAR COMMITMENT, WHICH WILL REQUIRE DAILY EXERCISE, A SPECIALIZED DIET, AND REGULAR VET VISITS. ARE YOU PREPARED?
-Well done random comedy
-Like seriously the characters are all amazing.
Here’s some specifics with favorite moments
-CL4p-tr4p: He’s weird as hell and he is my tiny metal son. ( He once ask you to rip the fur off of a giant beast with your Melee weapon so he can have a Mohawk and gives you a shotgun for it)
-Sir Hammerlock: He is a hunter with a cyborg arm and epic mutton-chops mustache combo (He once on trying to rename a species and starts calling them “bonerfarts” cause he’s fucking done with his ideas getting denied)
-Ellie: She is fat as hell and proud of it (There is an entire sidequest about her having you steal hood ornaments making fun of her so she can uses them as decorations)
-Handsome Jack: You all know about this guy (Butt Stallion, A living horse Litteraly made of fucking diamonds.)
-I’m 90% sure a key writing tool used is to take a trope you find stupid and make it not stupid
-When you look past the jokes and cell shading these games can be incredibly fucked up.
- Did I mention some of the references? Like a side quest where you kill the ninja turtles, or a waluigi skin you unlock via a different side quest, The ninja character sometimes says the fresh prince theme via haiku, and also says “ You’ve activated my trap card” when going invisible
-Just play the second one at least.Or watch a play through of it.
HIIIII!!! I LOVE YOUR WRITING!! Can you please do a BuckyxReader where it’s like game night with the avengers and they play lip sync battle and the reader does a strip tease to make Bucky nervous (requested by anon)
Word Count: 1,265
Warnings: Sexual lyrics and mild sexual themes / actions, swearing
A/N: (just so you guys know now, i’m gonna be skipping around with the lyrics you sing. it’ll all be the same song, and in the order they appear in the song, but i won’t include all of them. i hope that makes more sense when you read this…) also, this is more of, like, an enactment of the lyrics instead of a strip tease..sorry! the reader takes their shirt off in the end, though, so that’s a thing!
Tony took a bow as everyone clapped enthusiastically. “Thank you, thank you very much,” he said, eating up all of the attention.
He’d just gotten done lip-syncing to “Stacy’s Mom,” and as much as you hated to admit it, he absolutely killed it. He got so into everything the lyrics were saying. He pretended to mow the lawn with the lyrics “Stacy, do you remember when I mowed your lawn?” and finished the song standing on a chair when it modulated to a higher key. You felt bad for the person who had to follow him.
“Alright, who hasn’t gone yet?” Natasha wondered, looking around the room. “Ahh,” she smiled as her gaze settled on you. “Y/N, you look like you could go for a good lip-sync session right now.”
Cheers filled the room as you shook your head frantically. “No way, there’s no way I could follow Tony.”
“I know it’s impossible to get into it the way I did, but someone’s gotta try, right?” Tony smirked. “Get on up, Y/N. I’ll even choose the song for you.”
“Well now I’m even more nervous,” you mumbled, ignoring the way Tony’s grin grew. He had something planned, you could tell…
You surveyed the room, trying to see how everyone was reacting to the game so far. For the most part, everyone was smiling at you with sympathy, also seeming to catch on that Tony was planning something. You really were only worried about what Bucky was thinking, though. You’d liked him for a while now, and every once in a while, he’d do something small to make you think that he could just possibly like you back. Maybe this would be your chance to find out, depending on what Tony had in store.
“Alright, now before I play the song, I just want to remind you, Y/N, how into my song I got. And if I don’t see that same commitment from you, I’m gonna be very disappointed, to say the least,” Tony announced.
“Go easy on her,” Steve called out jokingly.
“Yeah right,” Tony scoffed. “Have fun, Y/N. Really feel the music.”
“Oh God,” you sighed, expecting the worst at this point. “Okay, let’s just get this over with.”
Tony hit play, and the beginning words to “
Yoncé / Partition” by Beyoncé started to play. Your eyes grew wide. “Tony!” you screeched, turning towards him with your face burning red.
“Hey, I’ve heard you singing this song plenty of times in the shower when you think no one hears you. You know all the words, so you have no excuse to not do this.”
You made a mental note to never sing in the shower again and asked, “Well how am I supposed to get into it as much as you did with your song?”
“I’m sure you’ll find a way,” Tony winked, walking back to his seat and crossing his arms in satisfaction.
“Jesus Christ,” you mumbled, taking a deep breath before mouthing the opening lines. It took you a while to get into it, but eventually by the time it switched to “Partition,” you knew what you wanted to do.
You sauntered over to Bucky, trying to ignore the whoops and hollers from everyone else in the room. As “Partition” started, you made it your goal to get Bucky as worked up as possible.
Now my mascara running, red lipstick smudged.
You crouched in front of Bucky as you sang, your right pointer finger pulling down on your bottom lip.
Oh, he so horny, yeah he want to fuck.
Your hand moved from your lips to Bucky’s thigh, and you could feel him tense up under you. The cheers around you got louder, but you were focused on Bucky’s reaction.
Oh there daddy, daddy, didn’t bring the towel.
Bucky’s eyes widened at the pet name, but from you could tell, it wasn’t in a negative way. Maybe you were getting too far ahead of yourself, but he seemed to be enjoying himself. This gave you a boost of confidence, and you resolved to take this a step further.
Take all of me. I just wanna be the girl you like.
You stood up fully and perched yourself on Bucky’s lap. You hooked one of your arms around his neck as you sang, pulling his face close to yours. There was a break in the lyrics, so you searched his eyes, looking for any sign of discomfort.
As if he knew what you were doing, he gave a slight nod that was only noticeable to you, telling you it was okay to continue.
Driver roll up the partition fast. Over there, I swear I saw them cameras flash.
When you started singing again, you glanced over at the rest of the group. Tony and Natasha had their phone cameras out, recording your actions. You suppressed a giggle, noting the way they were acting out the lyrics in their own way.
Hand prints and good grips all on my ass.
You’d been debating over what you should do for this part of the song ever since it started. At first, you didn’t want to be too forward with anything you did, but now that you knew Bucky was enjoying himself, you decided to throw caution to the wind and deal with any consequences later.
You grabbed Bucky’s hands and placed them on your ass. You were still sitting in his lap, so it almost seemed like he was holding you in place. As you continued to sing, you felt his grip get a bit tighter, and you smiled despite your efforts not to.
Oh there daddy, daddy, now you ripped my fur.
Now, you weren’t wearing any fur that you could rip to act this part out, so you did the next best thing you could think of. Your hands reached up and you unbuttoned your shirt to take it off. Luckily, you were wearing one of your nicer bras, so you got the pleasure of seeing Bucky’s eyes pop out of his head once your shirt was all the way off.
“Daaaamn!!” you heard Tony shout in the background, but you kept your eyes locked on Bucky’s for the rest of the song.
Every once in a while, you’d move your hips slightly against his to see what kind of reaction you’d get out of him, and you weren’t disappointed with what you found. His eyes fluttered shut when he blinked and a deep groan sounded in his throat.
The kinda girl you like is right here with me.
You’d finished the song, but you stayed on Bucky’s lap for a few more seconds. Your breathing was heavy from singing, but you were no where near Bucky’s state. His pupils were dark and his breath was coming out in short, audible breaths that were verging on gasps.
“Well, that sure was something!” Clint exclaimed, snapping you back into reality. You scurried off of Bucky’s lap and grabbed your shirt that you’d thrown on the floor, ready to put it back on.
Right as you were about to put your arm through one of the sleeves, though, Bucky grabbed your hand. “Uh-uh,” he said, expressing his disapproval as he started to pull you out of the room.
“Where are we going?” you asked quietly. You had an idea, given what you’d just done and the commotion coming from the room you’d just left, but you wanted to hear him say it himself.
“I think I’m gonna need a reenactment of that song,” he replied, his pace quickening. “But this time, in more detail.”
A/N: Okay, I have absolutely no idea the quality of this because I’ve never really written anything like it before…so any comments / reactions would really be appreciated, even if you didn’t like it! Just tell me why so that I can improve :)
Here goes the 2nd part of the appreciation/comparison post of book Jaime and show Jaime when rescuing Brienne from the bear (when book Jaime and show Jaime still had something in common)…
Well, what in seven hells do I do now? He filled his fist with sand. “Kingslayer?” he heard Brienne say, astonished. “Jaime.” He uncoiled, flinging the sand at the bear’s face. The bear mauled the air and roared like blazes. “What are you doing here?” “Something stupid. Get behind me.”
He circled toward her, putting himself between Brienne and the bear. “You get behind. I have the sword.” “A sword with no point and no edge. Get behind me!”
Brienne tried to dart around, but he kicked her legs out from under her. She fell in the sand, clutching the useless sword. Jaime straddled her, and the bear came charging.
There was a deep twang, and a feathered shaft sprouted suddenly beneath the beast’s left eye. Blood and slaver ran from his open mouth, and another bolt took him in the leg. The bear roared, reared. He saw Jaime and Brienne again and lumbered toward them. More crossbows fired, the quarrels ripping through fur and flesh. At such short range, the bowmen could hardly miss. The shafts hit as hard as maces, but the bear took another step.
“You thlew my bear!” Vargo Hoat shrieked.
“We’re taking the wench.”
“Her name is Brienne,” Jaime said. “Brienne, the maid of Tarth. You are still maiden, I hope?” Her broad homely face turned red. “Yes.” “Oh, good,” Jaime said. “I only rescue maidens.”
“Ser Jaime?” Even in soiled pink satin and torn lace, Brienne looked more like a man in a gown than a proper woman. “I am grateful, but … you were well away. Why come back?”
A dozen quips came to mind, each crueler than the one before, but Jaime only shrugged. “I dreamed of you,” he said.
Jaime VI, ASOIAF A Storm of Swords by George R. R. Martin
A/N: whoo, 2 fics in a month. Well actually, I’ve been done with Part 1 of this story for quite a while now, since last December, perhaps? As we’ve been pretty pressed for stories nowadays, I thought that this would serve as a good buffer post in between our large number of requests. But no worries, we’ll get them up and running soon!
Part 2 has not been touched since January, so I’d expect it to be completed only some time later in the year. Do be patient! I really did enjoy writing this as this is my virgin experience writing a fantasy fic. Do let me know what you think ^^
You’ve been all too familiar with the supernatural for as long as you can remember. Even as a young child, rather than socialising in playgrounds with other human children, your companions consist of three young werewolves, and you spend your childhood years rolling around the mud and grass together under the watchful eyes of your parents and the great Alpha.
There is responsible and meticulous Seungchul, the oldest of the litter of pups and the only pure-born wolf out of the three, being the son of the Alpha. There is the playful Hansol: the Alpha had found him as an infant abandoned in the woods and turned him from a young age. Finally, faithful Mingyu, your older brother. While your brother had taken the oath to join the werewolf ranks as a child, you were spared of the transformation simply because of your gender. You were destined to follow the footsteps of your mother to become the next guardian of the pack, the bridge of communication between the wolves and the human world, as well as a healer and caretaker.
So I actually left Hawke in the Fade (damn you Bioware) and I wrote about Fenris finding out here. But I’m not okay with Fenhawke not ending up together, so thank you @inquisitorhierarch - I will gladly write this prompt!
He was walking aimlessly through the mountains, having left the gates of Skyhold hours before. The sun was beginning to set, casting long shadows along the ground where the sparse trees stood. He was dimly aware that he should return to the grounds - the days were short and dark, then, and he hadn’t brought adequate food or clothing with him - but he could barely feel the cold settling into his skin and stiffening his bones.
She was gone. How could she be gone? His woman, his fire, the first and only real thing he had touched since fleeing Danarius all those years ago - how could she be gone?
And so he wandered deeper into the mountains.
He lived. But just barely. He had brought a bow, and so he hunted every so often, skinned a rabbit by a meager fire, ripped the fur from the flesh and the flesh from the bones. Dragged branches of pine needles to rocky outcroppings, sheltered himself from the worst of the snow. Tied a dagger to a long branch and fished, sometimes, treading barefoot into the water and letting his feet grow numb in the water. He sometimes thought he heard Varric’s voice calling him, his name an echo between the trees and rocks. He covered his tracks and did not respond. He lived. But just barely.
His hair and fingernails grew long and sometimes he woke in the dark to nightmares, thinking he heard her screaming for him. His skin glowed in those moments and once he ripped the red sash from his arm and cast it from him, reaching for the sky and screaming like a man broken. He soon stood and tied the sash back around his arm, though - her memory hurt more than any cut he had ever borne in battle, but forgetting her would be worse.
He had never counted the days, but could tell by the changing weather that eight months or so had passed. He lived. But just barely. He hunted, he wandered, he fished, and he lost himself in memories. Her breath hot on his neck. Her fingers clutching him, her teeth on his skin. The cabin in the forest that they had made a home after the flight from Kirkwall. So long ago, now. He had thought about returning, but couldn’t bear to occupy the space without her.
He had been a ghost, lost, before her, and he was lost without her now.
It was night and he was standing in the river when he heard it. His name. Her voice. He shook his head, violently, casting it out. It happened, sometimes - he had even read it in one of the books she had used to teach him to read - in solitude and silence the mind sends voices to occupy itself.
Again. He dropped his spear into the water and reached up to rub his ears, willing the voice away.
A noise in the wood behind him. A bear, perhaps. He saw them occasionally; they paid each other no mind, usually, but he turned anyway.
Standing before him on the riverbank, bow dropping from her hand, skin framed in moonlight. He thought how odd it was that he was seeing her, but he dreamed of her so often that he knew it must be a new strain of his madness.
But that scar…
She had a new scar gashing her left cheek. It had healed badly, pulling her eyelid down, partially obscuring her eye. That scar was new.
The ghost dropped to her knees and reached a hand out.
Fenris. I’ve been looking for weeks.
He frowned and took a step towards her. No part of him believed she could be real.
But he moved forward, slowly, spear long forgotten in the water behind him.
The ghost remained, hand hanging in the air, waiting.
He came near to her and slowly, so slowly, raised his fingers to meet hers.
His knees buckled and he collapsed into the river, lacing his fingers with hers, skin warm against skin even as his legs and chest lost feeling in the water.
Are you here?
She pulled his hand to her throat and laid it against her heartbeat. I’m here. I’ve been looking for you. You should get out of the water. A choking laugh.
He rose and took her other hand, stepped out of the river, pulled her to stand in front of him - their eyes locked briefly - and then suddenly he was touching her everywhere, and she was touching him - mouth against mouth and mouth against skin - and she collapsed into him and sobbed, once, and he knew that she was real - for she showed weakness so rarely that his memories could barely conjure it -
His breath ragged as he pressed his forehead into her neck and they held each other up, but just barely - a thousand questions that needed to be asked, but not now, not now - he clutched her face in his hands and pressed his mouth to hers, hungry, she was alive, gods, she was here -
And soon they sank to the ground, both breathing heavily, pressed together everywhere their bodies could touch. She touched his neck gently, lay her cheek against his, whispered.