ripping face off

Mom Adopts a “Dog”

So y’all keep blowing up my notes with the various Family Lore stories I’ve been telling, so I guess I should tell one on my parents now.

My Mother’s Father was part of the United Auto Worker’s Union, and during the 50′s and 60′s, was on strike a lot. My point is, grandpa got himself an entirely deserved reputation for being a sucker who loved animals, so people would dump thier pets on him. Hence, my mother grew up in a house with pets such as Picket the one-eyed tomcat, Tweety the Bald canary, Dummy the cat, Stupid Son of Dummy, Spooky Garbage Dog and Chiquita the Tarantula.  Eventually Grandma put her foot down when Grandpa brought home Gerta the Saint Bernard.

I say all this because it provides some context for how the following occured.

Mom and Dad had just moved in together (my parents dated for six years and were engaged for 13 days, driving everyone on both sides insane), and unfortunately, My mother’s German Shepherd, Cops, has just passed away due to bone cancer.  After mourning for a bit, Mom and Dad decided to get a dog together, as a couple.  

For context, my father had never owned a dog in his life.  His mother had ‘Pretty Bird” the budgie as a child but parrots are alien life forms, not pets.

So they go to the Palo Alto Animal shelter to adopt.  The year was 1987, and at the time, Palo Alto was… not a great place.  Lots of drugs, gangs and poor civic managment.  Mom told me that she learned to identify different types of gunfire while living there. They get there, and mom explains that she’s always had a preference for Big Dogs, and the guy’s face lights up.  Oh Yes, he says, We have a Big Dog.  For expirienced owners, yep, adoptable today, here we’ll give you a discount even-

Somehow my parents were not suspicious about this.

They were shown to the Animal in question, a Gorgeous blue-sable beastie with pretty golden eyes who immediately pressed herself against the fence and gave them the best PUH-LEEEEEEASE TAKE ME HOME puppy eyes 100lbs of canine can do.  Mom and Dad fall in love instantly.  They sign all the paperwork and take her home for $10, and name her “Mazel” as in “Mazel Tov.”

Within the hour, it becomes clear that something is amiss.

Cops had lived with his kibble stored in a plastic garbage can in the garage for six years without incident.  Mazel figured out how to open doors and got the locking lid off the can in six minutes, horking down about four pounds of the stuff before my mother notices that it’s been weirdly quiet.  Most dogs bark at or chase squirrels.  Mazel stalked and caught one the second day, presenting it to my mother like an offering.  Mazel knew all her commands but would clearly stop to consider before obeying, and trained my dad to give her good treats within a week.  The locks on the side-yard gate were undone, and she took a stroll around the neighborhood, but always retuned home for dinner.

After a week of gradually realizing that Mazel was smarter than most of the professors my mom worked with, they took her to the Vet for a routine checkup.

Dr. Hamada walked into the exam room, dropped the clip-board and said “Where the HELL did you get a Wolf?”

After a bit of prodding and a very-angry-dr.hamada-calling-the-pound, they determined Mazel was a high-content hybrid, probably with a husky, but was going to be a lil shit her entire life.  OK, said Hamada, I don’t like destroying animals and you’ve got a lot of expirience with dogs, so I’m okay with letting you keep her, but you should keep her away from small children because her Prey Drive could kick in.

Two years later, mom got pregnant with me.

Mazel noticed instantly, and reacted by digging a large hole in the yard and catching even more squirrels for mom, because she needed the protein or something.  That what you do when the Alpha Bitch is preggers, right?  Dig a den and ply her with food?  On the advice of my grandmother, my mom stayed overnight at the hospital once I was delivered, and dad went home with a shirt that had moms and my scent on it.  Mazel spent the whole night puzzling over it.

The next morning, when mom came home with me, there was the sudden and instantaneous recognition of PUPPY!!!!!! :D:D:D!!!!! PUUUUUUUPPY!!!!!!  and Mazel turned into the most aggressively maternal being I’ve ever met.  Playing with me on the blanket, sitting under my chair at meals (I was a messy eater), sleeping under my crib, teaching me to walk by letting me hang onto her fur and shuffle around.

Dr. Hamada thought mom was a madwoman, until he saw me holding Mazel’s mouth open and sticking my face in so i could look at her teeth.  He gave up when my mom announced she was pregnant with my sister.

I’m making living with a Wolfdog sound awesome, but it did come with some drawbacks:

  • Mazel did have to be muzzled at the vets, because she had Opinions about having things stuck up her butt.
  • HAIR.  One of my chores growing up was to brush her out every week and I’d frequently end up with more hair than animal.
  • the only way we could reliably get her to stay in the yard was with an overhead tether with a STEEL cable, which she chewed through anyway.
  • Do you like waking up by being hit in the face with half a dead animal? No? Wolfdogs may not be for you.
  • More than capable of opening the fridge and eating everything if you’re not watching
  • Will get into everything if not otherwise occupied.  Including eating your tax forms.
  • Howls along with sirens at 4 AM.

PROS of growing up with a wolfdog, as a small child in the 90′s

  • I was afforded a degree of freedom normally associated with a pokemon trianer. It was no big deal for me and my sister to walk three miles through my not-really-good neighborhood to the Froyo if I took Mazel with us. People tended to leave us alone when we had 100lbs of overprotective Apex Predator following us around.
  • WINNING at Pet Day at school.  There wasn’t actually a compettion but Billy’s hamster sucks in comparison to an animal that is perfectly willing to demonstrate how she can snap an oak branch in half on command.
  • PTA moms losing their shit because Mazel would walk down the block by herself to come pick ups up from school.
  • Grew up associating the word “Bitch” with teeth and the willingness to rip an asshole’s face off for being rude.  Never changed the definition.
  • Learned the I-Own-This Strut and Murder-Stare from the absolute best.

When she was 17, Mom and Dad decided to add another room on to the house.  They rigged up the overhead tether so she could be outside but not underfoot for the contruction guys.  One morning, mom came out to notice them all milling in the side yard entrance, muttering worriedly.  When mom asked what was wrong, one of them explained that Carlos forgot to bring the Hamburger.  What do you need a hamburger for?  Asked mom, and they pointed down the side yard to where Mazel was sitting, doing her best Viscious Alpha Bitch Stare.

Apparently they’d never realized that she was on the VERY end of her tether there and couldn’t actually get to them, and had been scamming them for a big mac a day for a month.  Mom had my six-year-old sister pull her away to show she wasn’t dangerous and tired her best not to laugh but kind of failed.

Mazel ended up living to be 19 and a half, and except for some minor arthritis, remarkably hale until the day she passed away in her hole in the back yard while taking a nap.  I maintain that Death had to wait until she was sleeping to get a crack at her, or she would’ve taken his scythe for a chew toy.

How to summon your personas
  • <p> <b>Persona 3:</b> shoot yourself in the fucking face<p/><b>Persona 4:</b> accept your inner demons and realize that life isn't fair and love that part of yourself and self care is so important uwu<p/><b>Persona 5:</b> rip your goddamn face off<p/></p>
100 Dialogue Prompts: Part 4

It’s amazing to see how much we can create together, my amigos. Here’s part 4.

  1. “Look, I might be evil but even I have standards.”
  2. “Do your parents know you’re dating Death?” “No, I promised we wouldn’t get back together after he broke up with me the first time.”
  3. “Wait why am I naked and covered in cheese?”
  4. “Good god, that cake is fuckin stale and dry mate!!” “Just like how you are recently? Gee, thanks.”
  5. "There is always time for a high-five.”
  6. “Karen, what would ever posses you to find me here.”
  7. “Oh my god, put that man down! Come on, let’s go get you some REAL food.”
  8. “A demonic sugar glider?”
  9. “People always say they never thought they would be here but I absolutely did.”
  10. “And I thought I was a bit weird. But you! You are insane!”
  11. “So your hair knows kung-fu? Ha, that’s nothing! MY hair knows HAIR-ATE!” (You know, as in karate) (This used to be an insider between me and a friend…)
  12. “One day, darling, you and I are going to conquer the Universe not just our world.”
  13. “Did you seriously think they wouldn’t notice when their humans went missing?!”
  14. “Well, maybe next time you should consider that not everyone wants to be woken up at four in the morning by a- what IS that, anyway?!”
  15. “Now, how exactly did your foot get stuck in the barrel?”
  16. “I hope you realize what you’re doing. This forest never ends, you know that, right?”
  17. “You can’t just kill someone and then make it all better by saying sorry!”
  18. “Why the fuck is my cat levitating?!” “He said he wanted to feel what flying was”
  19. “You’re trying to tell me you killed three men…with a microphone?”
  20. “Hang on, are you a John Wick fan?”
  21. “IT’S TWO IN THE MORNING!” “And?” “ I have a strict no murder rule until eight. Call me then.”
  22. “I did realize you were going to be naked the whole time”
  23. “Ok, I understand you like animals, but you can’t just bring a tiger into the apparent without asking!”
  24. “I…I didn’t want you to find out like this. I’m so sorry.”
  25. “OH MY GOD CATHERINE! I JUST SAW A NARWHAL! I’M TELLING YOU, I SAW A FREAKIN’ WHALE UNICORN!”
  26. “I gotta go, I left my toaster in the oven!
  27. "Why is there a gaggle of fancy buisness men on my front lawn?”
  28. “Can you please stop referring to me as ____! That’s not my name!” “Then what is?” “I don’t know!”
  29. *Sarcastic* “Yeah, sure. I won’t at all mind being your footslave.” “Oh, goody! I knew you’d agree!” “Wait, what?”
  30. “When are you going to give up on this whole ‘evil’ thing?” “When it stops being so much fun!”
  31. “You didnt say to KILL the man!” “WELL I DIDNT SAY NOT TOO”
  32. “Mum, Dad… I’m gay.” “That’s nice, honey, but now is not the right time!”
  33. “Take a look at your soul and consider your life choices! Oh wait, that’s right! You don’t fucking have a soul!” “Oh, god, just go drown in a bathtub of syrup why don’t ya?”
  34. “I kindly ask you to please quit making your heart stop. It’s creeping me out!” “So… Y-You were sleeping in a coffin” “Yeah I’m used to it” “Are you a vampire or what?! How can someone get used to sleep in a coffin?” “No I’m used to sleep I never said that I’m used to sleep in a freaking coffin!”
  35. “Darling I love you, more than I can ever express in words…. But please stop teaching chickens necromancy.”
  36. “I wanted to know why you stole souls, not your melodramatic backstory…”
  37. “I really wish that old white man would stop rubbing his nipples at me”
  38. “You know it is written: Do not summon Satan, right ?”
  39. “Look around, what is this?” “My room?” “No, this is pathetic.”
  40. “I’ve been a professor for 20 years, and yet still my greatest secret hasn’t been revealed–I can’t read.”
  41. “Our souls don’t belong in these 'human’ bodies, every one of us is implanted here from another galaxy, and this has been the case for a thousand years. No one knows what 'actual humans’ are like without us inhabiting them.”
  42. “Did you just create a portal in time and space to pull another version of yourself into this world so I have to deal with another annoying idiot?” “No but thanks for the idea.”
  43. “You’re bleeding?!” “Nah, I’m frolicing in a field of flowers - yes I’m bleeding!”
  44. “Let me get this straight. I tell you that I make a decent omelette and you somehow equate that to qualification for piloting a spaceship?”
  45. “It’s the weekend! Let’s hit the town! See a concert, redo our wardrobes, get high, start a crime ring, I don’t know.”
  46. “Keep running, you’ve only got 4HP!”
  47. “This is clearly your first time. Stop screaming already, you’ll wake the neighbors!”
  48. “Has anyone seen the outdoors?” “What the fuck is an outdoors?”
  49. “Why do I feel like this again, I thought we were done with this?”
  50. “Look, as much as I like to hang out with you, I’ve gotta go and save the earth. Toodles!”
  51. “Have you seen?… oh shit”
  52. “Two questions: one, how many matches do you have, and two, where do you keep your socks?”
  53. “Because fuck surveys, that’s why!”
  54. “Stop yelling out the window or the koalas will rip your face off!”
  55. “I guess when I heard 'Night of Debauchery’… I didn’t picture muffins on your pajamas.”
  56. “Honey, you can’t keep throwing people to the pit of pain and despair just because they don’t like choc mint ice cream.”
  57. “Oh, no honey, put that back…”
  58. “It’s going to be too late, you know. It’s always too late.”
  59. “Hey, so, uh… I’m in trouble…” “What did you do this time?” “I got stranded in Wales….. again…”
  60. “OK, but… how do we get the dog out of a hole in space in time exactly?”
  61. “Aren’t people supposed to grow instead of shrink ?”
  62. “Wait. You’re aroused?” “Why would that surprise you?” “It does on account of you being covered in blood. Wipe that smile off your face. You look like a cat in heat.”
  63. "I pay your taxes”
  64. “No, ____. We did not raise our hamster like this.”
  65. “You can’t run from your own shadow(s), what makes you think you can run from theirs?”
  66. “You adopted… a dog?” “Mate, that’s not a dog.”
  67. “And at this moment, he decided to punch himself in the face.” “Narrator, listen, I know you’ve been with me my whole life, but you’re a huge jerk.”
  68. “Why didn’t you tell me it was a portal BEFORE we ended up here?”
  69. “Is that…the Mona Lisa.” “…Yes…” “What did I say to you about stealing priceless artifacts!?” “…That I had to take you with me next time.” “Exactly!”
  70. “Yes, I agree, magic is pretty cool. But did you really have to use it for THIS?”
  71. “Despite the fact that was epic, you’re still suspended”
  72. “Chill, dad it’s not what you think it is!” “Well it looks like you’re making out with the demon your grandma banished to cellar…WHY IS HE IN YOUR ROOM?”
  73. “If you truly love me you’ll let me-OH FUCKING HELL DID YOU JUST STAB ME!?”
  74. “Spoon”
  75. “What began as a conflict over the transfer of consciousness from flesh to machines escalated into a war which has decimated a Million worlds.The ___ and the ___ have all but exhausted the the resources of a galaxy in their struggle for domination. Both sides, now crippled beyond repair, the remnants of their armies continue to battle on ravaged planets, their hatred fueled by over four thousand years of total war. This is a fight to the death. For each side, the only acceptable outcome is…“
  76. ”… I’m going back to bed. You brought it here, you can deal with the mammoth yourself.“
  77. "Is the food supposed to be moving?”
  78. “You mean to tell me that in the two minutes I was gone,  you bombed a minor country,  got married to a stripper,  and assassinated a world leader?!”
  79. “Is that a unicorn???? EATING MY BEEF JERKY?!”
  80. “Do I get to dream about you again tonight?”
  81. “Well now I have to change clothes AGAIN!”
  82. “All of this was because of a… OF A PLUSHIE?!” “Well…Yeah?” “Great, how are we going to get out of jail now?!”
  83. “So…you gonna tell me why my brother is upside down and why you’re wearing my purple thong?”
  84. “Did you really have to burn down another Cracker Barrel?”
  85. “Sir, that’s impossible, you can’t do that.” “IS THAT A FUCKING CHALLENGE?!?!”
  86. “We need to invade Portugal.” “…Sure, why not?”
  87. “Did you divide by zero?! YOU’RE GOING TO KILL US ALL”
  88. “Stand down, Milady, this is a matter between gentlemen with mustaches.”
  89. “Next time you get arrested I am NOT paying your bail” “That’s a lie and you know it.” “….”
  90. “I thought you were dead.” “So did I”
  91. “John dont flush the dog down the toilet”
  92. “What did I say again about resurrecting dictators??”
  93. “Cucumbers are NOT pets… what do you mean, you ate him??”
  94. “Are you and God seriously fighting right now? And what happened to Satan?”
  95. “Are ferrets supposed to be blue??”
  96. “I’m the protagonist? Well I guess that explains why I look like about a thousand other people.”
  97. “Why do I do this to myself?”
  98. “Stop eating your tortilla chips with ketchup. It’s unattractive.”
  99. “How do you eat an entire cheese wheel in one sitting?”
  100. “Why are God and Satan moving in with us?”

Let’s make one more ‘100 Dialogue Prompts’ list together. Leave a comment with your prompt below. Don’t forget the double quotes “”. And as always, only one prompt per amigo! Also, here is your random Dutch word of the day: pindakaas

The Signs As Vine Quotes
  • Aries: “What up, I’m Jared I'm 19, and I never fucking learned how to read”
  • Taurus: "Hi welcome to Chili's"
  • Gemini: "I WON'T HESITATE, BITCH"
  • Cancer: "Ah, fuck. I can't believe you've done this."
  • Leo: "What the FUCK is up Kyle"
  • Virgo: "Look at all these chickens"
  • Libra: "CHRIS IS THAT A WEED"
  • Scorpio: "Next time you put a hand on me Imma fuckin rip your face off BITCH"
  • Sagittarius: "I don't have enough money for chicken nuggets"
  • Capricorn: "You better watch out, you better watch out, you bETTER WATCH OUT, YOU BETTER WATCH OUT”
  • Aquarius: "Welcome to bible study, we’re all children of Jesus! Kumbaya, my lord!"
  • Pisces: "Suh dude"
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Legends of Tomorrow | 2.13

Doctor Palmer, it’s very nice to see you again.

Captain Hera Syndulla of the USS Ghost. Boldly going where no one has gone before.

How Becoming a Persona User Works:

Persona 1: Here kid lemme read your fortune. Oh yeah you can summon demons now

Persona 2: Forget about that one friend so hard they plot revenge against you

Persona 3: Shoot yourself in the head with your own internalized trauma

Persona 4: Crush a card. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 yen

Persona 5: Literally rip half your faCE OFF OH MY GOD WHAT

It’s getting tiring that people can’t wrap their heads around the fact that things like mental illness and LGBTQ representation aren’t talked about in the exact same way globally.

KS is a Korean comic that takes place in South Korea, featuring Korean characters, written by a Korean person. To really determine whether or not its content or creator is being ableist/homophobic/whatever you need to be aware of how these things work in South Korea.

While a western artist might be totally okay with going in-depth about their mental health, gender, sexuality, etc etc, in many asian cultures (dare I say most?) these topics are generally seen as something you just don’t talk about. Period.
It would be incredibly ignorant to not take this into account when reading Koogi’s replies in the fan event, for example. It’s entirely possible for Koogi to be LGBT, it’s entirely possible for Koogi or someone she knows to have BPD, or be abuse victims, but this is something she’s most likely never going to talk about, because of what that would mean in the culture she grew up in. (And honestly, this trend of having to explain your situation to literal strangers is pretty new in general, but I’ve noticed it’s way more common on predominantly western platforms.)

Basically, using her replies as some sort of “gotcha!!!” is futile, because they don’t really tell you anything. Using the english translation of the comic itself isn’t necessarily “proof” either, since a lot of Korean native speakers have pointed out some very big mistakes in the official translation (not to mention fan translations).

Cultural context matters, stop pretending that it doesn’t just so you can be a bully on the blue hellsite.

tangled-headphone-cord  asked:

I don't understand why it's wrong to befriend wild animals, especially if one lives alone/far from human settlements ( like those wildlife rehab places where workers bond with the animals) so it's not like the animal endangers itself just by coming there, I often see brought up that the animals would lose fear of humans in general, but.. one, is that really a problem if they're in a reserve anyway? Two, how come it would work like that? I thought wild animals are way less trusting (part 1)

compared to domesticated animals. And from my experience with dogs - I have a dog who acts like a playful puppy with my family, I’m pretty certain would never hurt us on purpose but barks at strangers and even on walks will let out a serious growl if they get too close, tolerates the dog she grew up with and plays with her daughter but is pretty aggressive with other dogs. Do wild animals not make that “everyone who wants my trust needs to earn it individually” distinction?

(This is going to be a fairly passionate response. I’m not trying to be a jerk, OP, I just have a lot of feelings on this). 

Let’s start with the first thing that jumps out at me here: your use of the word “befriend”. Not “interact with”, not “feed”, not “pet”. “Befriend”.  You’re looking for not just interaction, but an affiliative type of contact that hits a specific emotional state of being seen and recognized as important. Which leads to an immediate question of: this is a wild animal. Why do you think it wants to be your friend? Why do you think an animal that is not domesticated, not tame, that lives in a kill-or-be-killed harsh natural environment would find it worthwhile out to take time out of survival to have a mutually reciprocal relationship with a hairless primate? Why do you assume a wild animal is capable of that sort of friendship? 

I have a lot of complicated feelings about this whole question, but it comes down to the fact that humans to have decided that we deserve the friendship and affiliative interaction of every single living thing on earth and that it is okay for us to completely modify an animal’s life to gain it. I fundamentally disagree with that assumption. Animals are not here for us. Wildlife is not here for us. We don’t have the right to stick our noses into the lives of animals simply because we get warm fuzzy feelings from getting close to them (and somehow not getting our faces ripped off as we rightly deserve most of the time for trying). Half the species we try to expect affiliative interaction from are solitary predators, and many others aren’t species even capable of affiliative social interaction. Biophilia - the innate need to empathize with non-humans animals - is one thing, and that’s all well and good, but we don’t need to interact with or touch everything to fulfill it; that comes out of a weird modern mental complex that since the world was made for humans, it is ethical for humans to do whatever the hell we like with and to it, and that since humans are inherently above/better than/different from animals our jurisdiction over the universe also extends to their lives. I do not think we are outside the natural order - I do not think we have the right to insert ourselves into the lives of wild animals simply for our personal pleasure. 

Why? Our “friendship” with wildlife gets wildlife killed, in the long run, almost every single time. Human influence on an animal’s life majorly changes their behavior, their space use, their survival strategies, and their ability to actually act like an animal. None of this is good for survival. 

Animals habituated to humans as a source of resources stay near human habitats, and are not only at a higher risk of being hurt by people or cars but are also at a higher risk of being euthanized for being pests. Animals that consider people save still have fight-or-flight instincts and will lash out at well intentioned humans when cornered and will get euthanized for being dangerous, if not because they actually bit someone and have to be tested for rabies. Animals used to eating human food will often choose to search for human refuse above normal foraging behavior, and some animals fed too much human food will forever have the microbiome of their guts changed and may starve to death once human food is no longer available since they can’t digest their normal forage anymore. Some animals brought up in close contact with humans will seek out their company over those of conspecifics, and never mate, or never learn how to hunt and feed themselves if the humans move on. 

You asked why this is a problem for people who are far from population centers, or animals that are with rehabbers or on preserves. For the latter, ethical wildlife rehabbers and people who run preserves have made a commitment to keep animals wild. To do their jobs correctly, they should want the animals to never want to be around them again, because they are attempting to preserve nature - not make friends. People who try to “bond” with animals they’re rehabbing are selfishly fulfilling their biophilic urges with behavior that has been proven to decrease the survival rates of the animals it is their supposed duty to help survive. 

To the former - why, say, if you live in a cabin in the middle of nowhere that you have to parachute in to and then hike thirty miles to get to, you shouldn’t feed the bears or raise squirrels to snuggle you - aside from all the ways that human influence lowers survival rates without necessarily needing human presence to persist, I will refer to the idea that humans do not inherently deserve animal friendship. In fact, they do much better when we just leave them the hell alone. 

What people love about animals is their wildness, their difference from us. We can engage in our biophilic urges to love them for being wild from a distance if we want to keep them the things we love - we devalue what they are when we try to force on them the idea that they should love us back. 

(Also, have you met a wild animal? They’re not nice. Those stories you see on social media about people befriending wildlife are so massively misportrayed and overstated that you’d think it happens daily, but most cases actually involve people getting hurt or scared out of their wits. So if you want to try to befriend animals. you need to be okay with the fact that most of them will be completely in the right to want to maul you for trying, because that’s what makes them wild). 

audreyesparza ITS HIS BIRTHDAY!! Happy happy birthday @brocolirobbrown we love you so much!!

6

My God, how I hated you. There was a time in which I could not conceive of how I could ever forgive you. And in this moment, I am you.