rileybiers

pomerqueen  asked:

Because I love your headcanons Eric Matthews and riarkle but like also Shawn Hunter and riarkle in whatever way you interpret it 👍

You mean like reacting to their relationship? Oooh boy omg. EDIT I WAS GONNA DO SHAWN TOO BUT I KEPT SLIPPING INTO SECOND PERSON SO I FIGURED I SHOULD STOP

  • Okay so Eric adores Riley alright
  • He helped raise her for the first 5 years of her life, she’s very important to him and he’s very protective of her
  • Even after he moves like 6 hours away to St. Upid Town (will forever love that joke) he still calls her all the time and stuff
  • So he’s heard about Farkle right…And while I *do* think Riley had a fetus crush on him (even in a bit of season 1 tbh), it’s not like she was running around professing it to people. The people around her had The Bet running because they saw how the two of them interacted
  • Eric didn’t actually meet Farkle until the kids were like 9 tho, so the phone calls didn’t really clue him in on a crush. Like sure, she talked about him A LOT. But Riley had exactly two friends, so of course he’d hear a lot about them
  • Anyway so when they’re 9 the Matthews are having a tad of a scheduling emergency
  • They told Stuart and Jen that Farkle could stay with them for a week because the Minkus’ had a trip. But then Cory remembered he had a 4 day long work retreat, and Topanga landed her biggest case yet and needed to put all her effort into it
  • Auntie Nebula (#reviveher) offered to watch baby Auggie while all that was going on, BUT Riley and Farkle got picked for a music video job out of everyone in their dance class, and you can’t exactly bring a baby on set for a week.
  • So they’re freaking out but Super Uncle Eric Matthews took it upon himself to drive down to NYC and babysit his niche and her friend for a week
  • So he meets Farkle and the kid is really shy and doesn’t want to say anything but Riley’s her bubbly self as he’s driving them to the video shoot
  • And he’s there allllll daaaayyy loooong watching them dance around which was obviously a bit boring for him, but he could see Farkle loosening up and having fun goofing off with Riley
  • By the time they get home for dinner the kids are both bouncing off the walls and he’s seeing them interact very similar to how he remembers Cory and Pangers acting when they were younger, but he convinces himself it has to be nothing. His niece cannot have already met his future nephew-in-law
  • By the time the second day of this gig is over he calls Cory like “WHAT THE F U C K” and Cory immediately is like “I KNOW WE ALL KNOW SHAWN’S RUNNING A BET DO YOU WANT IN”
  • He puts $50 down for the winter of 10th grade
  • And he spends the rest of the week taking them out to arcades and parks and stuff like that and he’s feeling a little conflicted because he always imagined meeting the man who steals Riley’s heart at a dinner party when she’s 26 and a successful doctor and the man has a watch more expensive than Eric’s house and is the 37 year old CEO of a major production company who has a house in the Hamptons and they bring a disgusting fruitcake that no one at the party eats and the man is polite but also very cold to the family and Eric will cry at the wedding and live out the rest of his days thinking that no man is actually good enough for his little Niche, no matter how impressive his mustache is or how many sports cars he owns
  • But this is just a cute, dorky little kid with an unfortunate bowl cut who just wants to talk about supernovas and black holes and stare at Riley like she’s everything good in the world
  • By the end of the week he decides he definitely likes this kid
  • The years go on, he sees Farkle every now and then since he follows Riley everywhere like a lost puppy
  • By the time they’re like 14 he knows Farkle well enough to emotionally adopt him as a nephew and give him his own joke nickname (robot, duh)
  • Okay like I wanna make it clear I think he only does ‘Niche!’ and ‘COUSIN AUGGIE’ as jokes, he’s embraced the funny uncle title, and he wants to make them laugh. I also think this absolutely applies with him always getting Maya’s name wrong- we know the Matthews brought her everywhere and everyone else considers her part of the family, so Eric brought her in on the nickname joke thing he does. I say that because he looked a little upset when he realized Maya genuinely thought he didn’t know what her name was- that, to me, said he genuinely considered her family and was worried he had hurt her feelings/didn’t view him as family back. Anyway, he now seems committed to calling Farkle ‘robot’, and did not come up with a nickname for Lucas, so I’m using this to assume he views Farkle as an honorary part of the Matthews Clan.
  • Anyway moving on okay so after he puts together the Dream Team for his senatorial run, he starts seeing a lot more of Farkle
  • Because Farkle is a lot more into this than the other 3, he seems to have a very genuine interest in politics and how elections work and stuff so he’s basically the one in charge of the little staff they put together
  • And after he wins, he uses all 4 kids all the time to make little videos to explain his plans/ideas and get better coverage online/get the youth more involved in politics. So he’s seeing Farkle a lot now because he really wants to help in anyway he can
  • And he genuinely does like this kid
  • And as much as it pains him to imagine Riley even holding hands with a boy, he’s kinda starting to wonder what’s taking them so long omfg
  • He knows Riley has a crush on Lucas (he knows alllll about the triangle bs), but he doesn’t think that 7 years of obvious feelings for someone can change in once subway ride
  • He also is so confused how Riley can be throwing goo-goo eyes at Lucas but is always clinging to Farkle
  • And then??? Farkle has a girlfriend???
  • Eric does not miss being a teenager as much as he used to, holy shit
  • So then, one innocent Valentine’s Day, he and his baby brother Josh decide to take his Weasel out to dinner like GOOD BROTHERS
  • They jokingly text Cory the whole time, but they didn’t realize he thought they actually thought he was being a bad brother by not breaking his reservations
  • They realized that after Cory and Topanga turned up at their restaurant like halfway thru the meal lmao
  • So the five of them have a great time and Topanga invites everyone back to the apartment for some wine (”Yes, Joshua, you can have a glass if your parents never find out”)
  • And everything is good and fine until they open the door and
  • Riley is shirtless and in shorter than short shorts and is on the table and Farkle is shirtless and has his arms wrapped around her waist and his face pressed into her stomach o h G o d n o
  • He can feel blood rushing to his head holy shit suddenly all he can think about is when she was 3 years old and insisted on dressing like Wendy Darling every day for a week and he took her to the park in her little costume and she asked him if Peter and Wendy were in love and she wanted him to tell her all about love and when she’d fall in love and she had a little lisp and her glasses were too big for her and kept slipping down her nose and he’s pretty sure he said something cliché like “you shouldn’t even look at a boy until you’re 40″ and it made her giggle for like 10 minutes and she called him silly
  • And now only a brief 13 years later she’s half naked with a BOY who is half naked and he can hear himself shrieking wordlessly but he doesn’t know how to stop himself from doing that
  • Suddenly Farkle yells “I’VE BEEN DATING RILEY FOR 2 MONTHS’ and now Eric needs to grab onto the arm of the couch to stop from falling over and he’s pretty sure he’s still screaming o h m y G o d she’s a little girl why is this happening
  • Cory and Topanga leave the room and Eric’s still not sure he’s not gonna pass out, he can hear Josh crying and why is Morgan clapping??? Is she trying to use a loud noise to scare the predator away from their clan’s young???? Not a bad plan
  • Part of Eric thinks he’s acting unreasonably because he remembers how he was when he was 16, but a stronger part of him remembers 5 year old Riley insisting on giving him makeovers so he could be a princess with her and NOPE THIS NIGHT CANNOT BE HAPPENING
  • He’s calling Feeny for help before he even realizes what he’s doing
  • He hears himself yell at the older man “FEENY MY NICHE HAS BEEN VIOLATED BY A ROBOT” and he really hopes that sentence makes sense to someone other than him
  • Suddenly the apartment is filled to the brim with other people and everyone seems to be yelling about something different he can’t help but yell for Feeny to help and tweet out his confusion and shock on this whole thing (he’s gotten really into twitter during the course of trying to Stay Hip For The Youth Of The Nation thing he was working with)
  • And suddenly it’s quiet and Riley’s angrily explaining that this was all a misunderstanding, she was just checking Farkle for injuries because he fell off a forth floor fire escape, and he can feel himself calming down, his heartrate returning to normal, every thing in the world is right again
  • Until Robot makes some dumb comment about ‘trying to break in to surprise her to be romantic’ and Cory’s chasing him out the door same Cory same
  • Panger’s is going to follow in the car and he and Shawnie Hunter make eye-contact and know that if there’s ever a place he both need to be, it’s in that damn car. He make a war cry and charge into the night
  • Eric’s live tweeting the chase because it’s helping him calm down a little and honestly the sight of it is pretty hilarious, also he quickly realizes Cory’s not as mad as he appears to be
  • By the time they get in the car the poor kid is shivering from being barefoot and shirtless in February, and even Cory’s coat and the blanket Topanga gives him aren’t warming him up. He’s looking pretty exhausted from running nonstop for almost an hour, and he still very clearly needs to go to the hospital because of that fall. Eric is finding all his anger rush out of him because he honestly just feels bad for the kid now.
  • And once he realizes he won the bet and is now almost a thousand bucks richer, it’s a little easier to move on
  • But not all the way
  • Oh no
  • Eric isn’t going to give them shit for this relationship but he is absolutely going to do everything in his power to make sure his niece is safe and happy
  • He is absolutely not above sending some of his bodyguards after them to spy on dates
  • He is not above giving Farkle little man-to-man chats about Riley’s happiness every time he’s alone with the kid
  • But ultimately, overall, he can see how happy they are together and that the really love each other, so he’s gonna be a big boy and not complain or think of ways to sabotage it
  • He was REALLY surprised when Riley got pregnant though
  • Like…He had already had the sex scare so he didn’t freak out like that twice. But the pregnancy was really unexpected
  • He couldn’t let himself get angry about it though because he was sure literally everyone else in their lives already yelled at them
  • So he just lets Riley know he’ll do absolutely anything he can to help out and hires Farkle to do odd jobs around his office bc the kid obviously should start saving up money since they wanna keep it
  • And sure maybe he pays Farkle a little more than he should considering he’s mostly getting coffee and filing papers and holding calls but he doesn’t want his Niche and future Great Niche to suffer or anything
  • Hormonal Riley comes crying to him about a lot of problems in her life but none of them involve Farkle doing anything to upset her so the kid can continue living
  • Honestly as stressful as the whole pregnancy is…he’s pretty sure they can pull through everything and make it work
  • They’re even more determined and crazy about each other than he even remembers Cory and Topanga being, and he’s actually almost jealous that he hasn’t found something like that yet but they’ve got it so young
  • He always sees Riley as a little girl no matter what but the more he gets to know Farkle and see how determined he is to make everything work out and provide for Riley and the baby, he has such a hard time associating him with the shy little kid that had a bowl cut, tap shoes and a book about dark matter
  • Like he may have knocked up Eric’s niece, but he’s actually like, proud of him? And glad that he knows him? It’s a weird feeling for Eric
  • And as the years go by and the kids manage to get on their feet and everything works out more and more every day, he’s really proud of both of them. Like, his niche is gonna be an Astrophysicist, for crying out loud! He tells everyone he meets! 
  • And now Eric is holding his Great Niche who looks just like Riley did when she was little, and they’re watching Riley and Farkle sharing their first wedding dance to some song about Neverland, and he remembers seeing two 9 year olds giggling and dancing and shooting each other adoring glances, and he’s remembering Baby Riley who was always waiting for Peter Pan to come in her window and whisk her away on an adventure filled with fun and love,
  • And he can’t find it in him to be sad because she’s almost living her own dream and he almost wishes he could’ve found a way to time travel and tell baby Riley that instead of the clichéd comment about staying away from guys till her 40′s
  • Because maybe things could’ve happened a lot faster if he had told her that sometimes Peter Pan likes to disguise himself as a robot and sometimes Wendy’s the one who leads them to the second star on the right
  • He’s pretty sure he claps louder than anyone when they finish the dance.