riding on all my feels!

I admit that during these months I might have missed you at my weakest, yet that’s the point isn’t it. That’s how you really wanted me, subdued and numb. You needed me to need you, to depend on you, to see only you.
With you my waters were calm, only caressing the shore, never too intense, never being real. This is what has now dawned on me: I want storms, strong winds and violent waves. I want to destroy, conquer and create.
I don’t want anything to soothe me, I want to ride all of this, always proud, always on my own damm feet, feeling exhausted, feeling beaten up but victorious. Always victorious.
This is what I am.

It says a lot about the fandom’s priorities where the biggest f/f ship is judged harshly and treated like the shipping version of Hester Prynne, but the two largest ships supported by fujoshis doesn’t get the same amount of scrutiny and treatment.

crisis

i promised i would post this the other day and then promptly forgot (typical) i wrote it a few months ago at like 2 am when i sort of wanted to set all my writing on fire. i’m not going to do anything with this, or even edit it, so go ahead and have it

warning: anxiety/panic attack and all the fun doubts that come with it


“Hey, Adrien?” Marinette whispers into her phone.

“Yeah?”

“Can you come over?” Her grip on her phone tightens as she says it and she glances over to her clock. 1:47 AM. Why he isn’t asleep, she doesn’t know, but she’ll yell at him for it later.

He’s silent for a second and her heart pounds. “Sure thing, Mari. I’ll be over in five. Will you be okay until then?”

She swallows the lump in her throat. “Yeah.”

“Okay. See you in a few.”

“See you,” Marinette murmurs. The line goes dead and she falls backwards onto her bed, hugging her cat pillow tightly. Her mind swirls viciously and she feels like she’s going to be sick.

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Foxes as shit that I've done

neil: raced my sister to the door of the cabin we were working at, rolled my ankle and the next day moved 13 girls trunks out of the cabin, carried a podium, and walked up and down a hill three times before someone made me sit down. My ankle was huge and purple and I still tried to get back up. #imfine

andrew: walked out of a class after ten minutes bc we had done the in class assignment used to count attendance. When stopped at the door by the teacher asking if I was coming back replied “nope” and then continued walking out.

allison: when one of my friends texted the group chat with “I have big news!” I immediately created a separate group text with half of the group making bets on what the news was.

nicky: tripped on a set of stairs, rolled bc my hands were full had a guy half way catch me: after i had already caught myself, set down the iPad, and maintained a death grip on my phone. Was too proud of not breaking anything to be embarrassed.

kevin: vomited on a public bar and then laid in a public bathroom still vomiting and apparently walked around with my shorts unzipped and unbuttoned for a period of time on Halloween

Seth: once out of boredom and loyalty I told a friend that this girl I didn’t like was talking her to her ex and lying to her about it. Watched her take the BITCH DOWN laughed

Dan: met a girl before going out one night. The girl proceeded to get completely wasted and disappeared from the group. Spent an hour looking for her. Bc I may not know you, but you are now my responsibility little dumpster fire. Now drink some water.

Aaron: once my brother rubbed the inside roof of the car (I HATE that noise) and I turned looked him dead in the eye and said “I wish you had never been born” I was 13 he was 7. But that little shit KNEW

Renee: directly from my iPod in my car listened to “Burning in my soul” and then “one eyed girl” by Florence & the machine bc I love Jesus but also boinches better not cross me ok. Ok.

Matt: confuse people on the reg of whether I love my best friend or am in love with my best friend. When questioned respond both and begin listing off all their most amazing qualities bc everyone should be so blessed to know them
*bonus: cry every time I listen the the Moana soundtrack lbr that movie has all the feels

Bonus- Jeremy: once made all of my friends ride on the mall carousel bc I was feeling extra and look so pretty. We were 15

Me @Future goal : Screw this bachelor degree , I want to be a mermaid 😻
Also me : Idk how to swim :(
ME as well : where do I get my money from , after I become a mermaid ? # real life questions 😮

i’m not stable. i wanna cut off all my hair. i wanna run away,,,, just disappear without a trace and live out a better life than the one i’m living now

My thoughts on the season finale

Okay so I’ve just finished watching the season finale, and I have a LOT of feelings, so here we go:

- Can we just take a second to appreciate how freaking brilliant the Blindspot writers are? Seriously, the way they’ve written Phase 2 has been both terrifying and marvellous at the same time, I don’t know how they do it. They’re all geniuses.
- I know it is a very small moment compared to what happens throughout the rest of the episode, but Jane flashing back to her dream with Kurt while she was talking to Director Hirst absolutely broke me. I mean, here Jane is, being asked what she wants, and the first thing she thinks about is Kurt and just being happy with him? I dunno, but this little moment just hit me hard.
- Speaking of Director Hirst, I freaking love her. I hope we get to see more of her in Season 3, as she already seems to be gelling really well with the team.
- Similar to Jane thinking about her dream, I loved the little 10 second moment where she leaves Kurt a voicemail to say she’s worried about him. I swear to God, these two kill me.
- Also, the hug. THE HUG. THEY HUGGED IN THE MIDDLE OF SIOC, YOU GUYS. SHE WAS SO HAPPY TO SEE HIM. I CAN’T.
- Not gonna lie, I feel like I didn’t breathe throughout the entire episode, especially when Patterson was trying to stop the satellite. So freaking tense.
- Tasha’s snark with Keaton was brilliant; I loved how she immediately cuts him off every time he speaks, and I loved her little “Since when do we work with the CIA?” comment. Also, she gets shot and then she’s out kicking ass the next day? Damn Zapata.
- Roman. My poor baby Roman. I’m so sad about how he’s ended up at the end of this season, especially when his journey has been so brilliant to watch. It broke my heart when he walked away saying “Goodbye Jane”. Someone please reassure me that he’s gonna be alright?
- Shepherd is without a doubt the most terrifying character I’ve ever met. She’s ruthless, and she’ll quite literally stop at nothing to get what she wants. I’m so proud of the team for capturing her, that was such an amazing moment. Also, I was so happy to see Nas back to interrogate Shepherd. Her hard work has paid off, and she gets to reap the rewards with the team.
- Speaking of the team - oh my beautiful broken children, what am I gonna do with you? I loved the team scenes in this episode - when Kurt refused to let Patterson say goodbye, when Patterson told Jane and Kurt “you’re not gonna make it back” (my heart literally broke), when they all hugged each other when Kurt returned, and then the little moment in Patterson’s lab with the trio. I loved Reade’s speech about being family to cheer Patterson up; it was just so perfect and well written. I’m glad we got to see the three of them working together like last season’s finale.
- Patterson was a literal unicorn in this episode. She made me laugh and cry with her so many times in this episode. She’s such a strong female character, and Ashley plays her brilliantly. Seriously, I could write a six page essay on why I love this angel.
- Kurt’s speech in SIOC, oh my goodness. For a man who only lets one person (*cough* Jane *cough*) see his emotions, he did a damn good job of delivering a victory speech. I’ve loved watching Kurt’s journey this season, he’s come so far and I’m SO DAMN PROUD (Also his immediate worry for Jane made me smile like an idiot).
- The flash forward. Did ANYONE see that coming? Seriously? I’m so intrigued. Why did Jane have to leave Kurt? (I’m convinced that it was her only choice, she wouldn’t just randomly leave). Where’s the rest of the team? Who wants Jane’s attention? How long has Jane been gone for? Jane and Kurt are MARRIED? I can’t. And don’t even get me started on Jane’s glowing tattoos. I have So. Many. Questions.
- Last, and by no means least, the Jeller moments. Oh my god, we were so blessed. The I love you’s (which made me cry, especially Kurt’s), the “I’m not leaving you”, the hug, the hallway kiss…. I could go on forever about it. Jane’s literal dreams are actually coming true, Kurt Weller told her he loved her (he said it first too????) and I’m just so damn happy for them. They’re finally together. If you think back to how we started this season and then flash forward to now, this season has been a painfully wonderful development for them. I just can’t. “This is where I wanna be”. I’m dead.

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alright bring on the months of depression!!