my friend and I found a really cool garter snake today with abnormal orange coloring, and since my friend is a snake-whisperer (aka has a LOT of experience handling wild snakes) he caught the thing and tamed it
anyway i’m just laughing because on the one hand you have Snake, Fierce and Deadly Predator To Small Rodents
(Here’s a basic explanation of the AU. A soulmate AU where your favorite quote from your soulmate is written on your skin. When your soulmate says the quote the writing changes to a soft pink and it says who the quote was said by.)
You lied flat on the fluffy mattress of your bed at Cair Paravel. You held your arm above your head. You stared at it thoughtfully, specifically your wrist. You stared at the black writing on your wrist.
You’d always remembered it being there. Even before you could read. You remembered seeing blurry black marks on your arm. Of course your early memories were not very clear, causing the marked to look blurry.
The writing said “I wonder if butterflies in Narnia can talk”. It was apparently going to be your favorite quote from your soulmate. Earlier in your life you had no clue what it meant. But now that you’d gone to Narnia, you understood. Your soulmate had to be someone who knew about Narnia.
As you were staring at the writing your best friend, Edmund came in the room. He have you a warm, friendly smile. You couldn’t help but blush. You’d always had a crush on Edmund. But you’d promised yourself you wouldn’t date anyone but your soulmate.
You had no clue if Edmund was your soulmate. You hoped he was. The words on your wrist seemed like something he would say. But you couldn’t be certain. Not yet. You’d just have to wait to see if Edmund ever said those words.
Edmund sat down next to you on your bed. You sat up.
“Hey (Y/n).” Edmund said smiling. You smiled back.
“Heya Ed.” You responded. There was a few moments of silence as you looked into Edmund’s eyes, and Edmund looked onto yours.
“Peter’s trying to find a queen. He’s having a date with a princess tonight. Wanna sabotage it?” Edmund asked casually.
“Hell yes!” You said excitedly. Immediately you and Edmund left the room. Edmund had been able to find out Peter’s plans. A walk along the beach, a riding horses, then a dinner. For the walk on the beach you and Edmund had prepared a large bucket of salt water to throw at them both. For the horse riding you both got a snake to scare the horses. And finally for the dinner you and Edmund had been able to add something… A little extra… to the food.
Now it was just time to put the plan into action. First the salt water bucket. When you and Edmund threw it on them the expression on their faces were priceless. Although Peter’s expression quickly changed from surprise to anger. Peter glanced around the area for you and Edmund. But you’d hidden yourselves. And Peter didn’t have the time to search for the two of you.
Next was the horse ride. At first it was going well for them. Peter and the princess had changed clothes, and the horses were trotting at a steady pace. Until Edmund released a snake into the grass. The snake startled the horses, making them go up on their hind legs. Peter and the princess were thrown off their horses. Then the horses ran off.
Last but most definitely not least, the dinner. The table was candlelit. And it gave off a romantic aura. Then they bit into their food. The food was either mixed with, filled with, or covered in mud and sand. The princess made an expression of pure disgust. That was the last straw.
“That’s it!” She said angrily. “I can’t take this anymore!”
“No! Please! This is all Edmund’s and (Y/n)’s fault! They must’ve planned to sabotage this!” Peter pleaded
“Well if you can’t control your brother, then how are you supported to control all of Narnia!?” She yelled. “Good day!” She snapped before storming off. Peter stood there stunned for a few seconds. Then he balled his hand into a fist and his teeth grinded together.
“Alright you two! Where are you?!” Peter yelled. It was obviously directed towards you and Edmund. Both of you ran as fast as you could in the opposite direction from Peter. After running for a few minutes, you’d lost Peter.
You and Edmund then sat on a stone bench next to a fountain, talking about random things. England. Narnian folklore. Music. And books were a few examples. Then Edmund saw a butterfly land on the ground nearby.
“I wonder if butterflies in Narnia can talk.” Edmund wondered out loud. Your eyes widened. Edmund looked back at you. “Something wrong (Y/n)?” He asked, confused. You pulled down your sleeve, revealing your wrist. You watched the words written there slowly turn a soft pink. Then a dash appeared under the words, followed by Edmund’s name.
“HOLY MOTHER OF ASLAN!!! WHAT THE JADIS!?!?” You screamed in shock. You looked back at Edmund, you were more calm now. You knew that was something Edmund would’ve laughed at. But he didn’t. Edmund just sat there in shock. “Edmund?” You asked, a little confused.
You saw Edmund do the same thing you did. He pulled down his sleeve and stared at the writing on his wrist. And just like you, the writing on his write changed into a soft pink. You saw a dash appear under the words followed by that your name. You looked closer and saw the words on Edmund’s wrist were the words you just said. Edmund looked at you in surprise.
“(Y/n)…” Edmund said softly, almost a whisper. Tears built up in his eyes. Edmund tackled you with a hug. You just barely kept yourself from falling over. You felt tears build up in your own eyes. You hugged Edmund back tightly.
“I… Can’t believe it…” You said quietly.
“Me neither…” Edmund said in an equally quiet voice. You both pulled away from the hug to look at each other. Without thinking about it your arms wrapped around Edmund’s neck. One of Edmund’s hands held you by your waist. The other cupped your face as he gently stroked your cheek with his thumb.
And just as naturally, you and Edmund leaned closer to each other. Your noses brushed against each other. Your lips were barely not touching his. Edmund closed his eyes as he gentle pressed his lips against yours. You smiled against his lips and kissed him back.
Edmund slowly pushed you down on the stone bench deepening the kiss. You leaned upward trying to kiss back more. Edmund pulled away and peppered your face with kisses. You giggled quietly as Edmund did this.
“Y'know…” Edmund began before placing another kiss on your lips. “I’ve always fancied you.” Edmund finished when he’d pulled away.
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner.” You said before Edmund kissed you again, longer this time.
“I didn’t know if you were my soulmate.” Edmund answered. You nodded in agreement. Edmund place yet another kiss on your lips. This time he didn’t pull away quickly. Peter walked by.
“Aha! There you ar….” Peter trailed off as he watched you and Edmund kiss. Edmund ignored Peter’s presence. Peter cleared his throat loudly. Edmund pulled away from you for need of air.
“I’m a little busy Pete.” Edmund said in between pants. Once he’d caught his breath he immediately attacked your lips again. Peter stood there awkwardly. He was silent for a moment.
“Yes… I can see that…” Peter said, his voice not very confident. As Peter looked at Edmund kiss you he knew that he wouldn’t stop anytime soon. “I’ll just speak with you later.” Peter mumbled before walking off.
You pushed Edmund away gently. “Peter wanted to talk with you. You should’ve agreed to.” You said.
“You’re more important.” Edmund said before connecting your lips with his again.
Ok but all the ragnarssons are so fucking extra like…
Ivar at one point kills this giant magical cow by having men pick him up and throw him at it. Yeah, his great heroic moment in the battle against King Eystein is fucking landing on a giant magic cow and crushing it to death.
Ubbe tries to overthrow Ragnar and earlier in the text it’s stated that he doesn’t respect his father, because he slept with a woman (Ubbe’s mother) who was lower in society. But conversely, he loved and respected his mother, because she slept with a nobleman (Ragnar) and like… if that isn’t the fucking weirdest reason to have daddy issues, I just can’t-
Bjorn decides to just play dead so he can get into Rome, except it wasn’t even Rome you dumbass, it was Luna. But no, he pretends to convert and die and get’s carried into the city in a coffin bc he has to make an entrance. He doesn’t even take a hostage like Ragnar, he just hacks his way to the gates.
Hvitserk is seized in battle and he gets to choose how he wants to die and this motherfucker decides that he wants to burn alive. Oh but, he can’t just be content with that, he decides to burn on a pyre made of heads. Like honestly he was the original emo viking #2edgy4u
Sigurd fucking forms a war party and sails to war with his brothers when he’s three. He’s such a fucking overachiever and he only does it bc he wants to make his mother happy. Seriously, all his brothers (who were all grown men as well) were too chicken to go to war and Sigurd’s just like, “we need to fucking go, mom wants us to” and that’s what convinces them.
If Hirst even makes them half the drama queens they were in the legends, it’s gonna be a wild ride.