Rob, Rich and Matt (R2M) - F***, Marry, Kill - transcript of Houscon 2016
  • Fan:Because you 3 have such incredible chemistry, who would you f***, marry or kill between the 3?
  • Rich:Well, that's easy, because I will kill me I guess? (laugh from audience) I guess I'll f*** Matt and marry Rob? I mean if you...(audience cheers) And then, I dig up Matt's body and f*** him again, you know what I mean? I'll just keep f***ing Matt. I'll just continue kill (points to himself), marry (points to Rob), f*** (points to Matt), f***, f***, f*** (still pointing to Matt), go home for a bit (points to Rob) and go back (points to Matt again) and f***, f***?
  • Rob:You know what? As your husband, I don't like this! Like who are you married to? Me or Matt?
  • Rich:I'll travel back from death and kill myself.
  • Rob:Wait what?
  • (laugh between them)
  • Rich:I kill myself, yeah. It's f***, marry, necrophilia! I mean... (turns to the fan) That's the problem! If I kill myself, I can't f*** or marry anything! THERE IS A FLAW IN YOUR SYSTEM!!!
  • (laugh from the audience)
  • Rob:Yeah, it's true. As much as I would like to kill Rich, I gotta kill myself, and marry Rich, and have the night of my life with Matt Cohen.
  • Rich:6 angry minutes.
  • Rob:(laughing hysterically)
  • Matt:(acting confused) I know something funny was just said, but I couldn't understand a thing (referring to a previous joke about how Rich mumbles at the mic)!
  • Rob:(to Matt) He said about my night with you would be 6 angry minutes. It's like translating.
  • Matt:(laughing) and that will be 3 times, back to back to back.(audience cheers and laughs) Euhmmm... This answer is so easy. Yeah I kill Rich and marry Rob and fuck myself!
  • (audience erupts in laughter)
  • Rich:That is so revealing.
  • Rob:Either way, I'm getting a spouse out of this.
  • Matt:This is not Sebastian Roché's panel. No more F-bombs, guys. I have a 10 months old at home and he might be watching this on YouTube!
More Than a Dinner Date

Requested by Anonymous

Can you please write some single!RSJ sweet smut? Maybe where he takes you out on a romantic date, serenades you, and just… Well 😁😋

Tagging: @lolabradbury

Word Count: 1850+ words

Author’s Note: SMUT

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