Rob, Rich and Matt (R2M) - F***, Marry, Kill - transcript of Houscon 2016
Fan:Because you 3 have such incredible chemistry, who would you f***, marry or kill between the 3?
Rich:Well, that's easy, because I will kill me I guess? (laugh from audience) I guess I'll f*** Matt and marry Rob? I mean if you...(audience cheers) And then, I dig up Matt's body and f*** him again, you know what I mean? I'll just keep f***ing Matt. I'll just continue kill (points to himself), marry (points to Rob), f*** (points to Matt), f***, f***, f*** (still pointing to Matt), go home for a bit (points to Rob) and go back (points to Matt again) and f***, f***?
Rob:You know what? As your husband, I don't like this! Like who are you married to? Me or Matt?
Rich:I'll travel back from death and kill myself.
(laugh between them)
Rich:I kill myself, yeah. It's f***, marry, necrophilia! I mean... (turns to the fan) That's the problem! If I kill myself, I can't f*** or marry anything! THERE IS A FLAW IN YOUR SYSTEM!!!
(laugh from the audience)
Rob:Yeah, it's true. As much as I would like to kill Rich, I gotta kill myself, and marry Rich, and have the night of my life with Matt Cohen.
Rich:6 angry minutes.
Matt:(acting confused) I know something funny was just said, but I couldn't understand a thing (referring to a previous joke about how Rich mumbles at the mic)!
Rob:(to Matt) He said about my night with you would be 6 angry minutes. It's like translating.
Matt:(laughing) and that will be 3 times, back to back to back.(audience cheers and laughs) Euhmmm... This answer is so easy. Yeah I kill Rich and marry Rob and fuck myself!
(audience erupts in laughter)
Rich:That is so revealing.
Rob:Either way, I'm getting a spouse out of this.
Matt:This is not Sebastian Roché's panel. No more F-bombs, guys. I have a 10 months old at home and he might be watching this on YouTube!