richard farmer

“Okay. But you’re not listening to me. There are other things that need to be taken into account here, like the whole spectrum of human emotion. You can’t just lump everything into these two categories and then just deny everything else.”

~Donnie Darko

Story 237: Ready Player Two

“Well, he shouldn’t have been kicking chickens. Those belong to old man Greery, and the last thing that poor old bastard needs is someone brutalizing his livestock.”
Nobody responds, they’re all just staring at the corpse. The chosen one. I’m so fired. “Look, just… think about if it had been literally anyone else. A strange man comes into our town and starts punting our poultry all over, you absolutely would have asked me to detain him. I’m the town guard, that’s my entire job description! And then, and then he starts swinging this massive sword at me -”
“You mean the legendary sword of Holy Light?” the mayor asks.
“Um. I suppose?”
“The one that we’ve got no less than four murals of? That one?”
I think I see where this is going. “You know, I’m not really a big art lover…”
“The one that you maybe should have recognized as the emblem of the ONE TRUE HERO SENT TO DELIVER US FROM LORD BLOODWORM?”
The yelling seems unnecessary. I’m standing right here. “Okay well yes, but when it’s coming right at your face it’s hard to take a minute and compare it to the murals, you know?”

Farmer Richards scoffs. Actually scoffs! “You don’t look like you’ve got a scratch on you, boy.”
Well he’s not wrong. It was the first thing I noticed after killing the… ugh, the chosen one.
The mayor nods. “Yes, that’s because he was never in any danger. The sword of Holy Light only kills those with evil in their hearts, not incompetence and stupidity.”
“Okay first of all ouch. That’s… that’s really harsh. I was doing my job. Second, that just proves I’m not evil and it was an honest mistake. And third, I still want to know why he was laying boot to old man Greery’s chickens!”
“Who cares!” farmer Richards yells, “It’s hero stuff. Why, he came onto my farm the other day and smashed most of my pottery. You’ll notice I didn’t kill him for it.”
There’s a murmuring in the crowd, now. Jean, the brewmistress, raises a hand. “Hang on. He came to my shop, as well. Drank some beer without paying, and smashed all the empty barrels.”
Carol the weaver nods. “Came right into my house. Didn’t knock or announce himself, just dug through my cabinets. He took my last rupee, as well as the apple I was going to have with lunch.”
More and more are nodding and whispering.

The mayor finally calls for silence. “Everyone! Okay, it seems the chosen one was exhibiting a lot of… strange and seemingly un-heroic behavior. That’s rather beside the point now, however. we need to deal with the fact that captain enthusiasm here murdered him.”
“Manslaughter, at the worst.”
“Shut up.”
The townsfolk start yelling out suggestions. It starts with calls for my execution, but soon it becomes clear that nobody really wants to admit that our town had anything to do with this. They’re talking about covering it up.
“I mean,” Carol says, “hero-ing is dangerous work. Who’s to say he didn’t get eaten by a giant spider?”
“I have a spot we can bury him,” Farmer Richards volunteers, “and the guard as well if we’re still executing him.”
The mayor is considering it. “Hmm. Yes, it would be bad for tourism indeed. Well, let’s move the body for now. The fewer people see this the better.”
A few people grab the body and start dragging it away. The mayor tries to pick up the sword, but his hand passes right through it. Everyone freezes.
“Hey everyone, the mayor isn’t worthy to lift the sword!” someone in the back yells.
“I know that was you, Errol! I’d like to see you do better!”

One by one the townsfolk try, but nobody can do more than make it wiggle. Finally there’s nobody left but me. Might as well…

The cold metal seems to send energy up into my arms. For a moment the skies part and allow a glimpse into a universe beyond my understanding, filled with radiant beings singing.
“Oh, shit.” the mayor says. There’s a general grumbling from the crowd that seems to agree. At least I guess I’m not going to get executed.


I recently got a wonderful package in the mail, from Richard Carter himself! 💝

“ Dear Kal,
The little stone represents no matter how rough things are they are made smooth with time. The Australian penny represents thought, as in “a penny for your thoughts”. When those thoughts are realised, as the saying goes “the penny has finally dropped”. I just wanted to make sure that you had two unique gifts. Now when asked, you have a story that goes with them.

My warmest and kindest regards,

Richard Carter“

What an amazing collection of presents! I’ll forever treasure these mementos and Mr. Carter’s kindness. He’s a wonderful person. I hope nothing but the best for him, and I can’t wait to see where his career takes him next.

Check, Please: The Instagram Project

Hey y’all!

As you might know, I’m (slowly) doing the @omgcp-tropechallenge and one of the prompts/tropes they have up is the social media one! Now, I have no idea what to write for this, so I figured I’d try something else. That something else is the following:

An instagram project! Basically, I need people to make and keep instagram accounts for the characters. You get to pick your character, but first come first pick!, and post images and interact with the others on there. The pictures don’t have to be original ones as long as you keep the source in the subscription! (Think of it as making instagram aesthetics but with stories? Kind of rp? Mostly just having fun!) Faceclaims are not required.

Let me know if you’d be interested in this and I’ll add you to the following list: (A list of characters still open is below!)



  • Poots, Guy, Thirdy, Marty from the Falconers
  • Ollie
  • Wicks
  • Suzanne Bittle
  • The LAX bros
  • Georgia Martin
  • any other character you’d like to play that’s not named above!

Let me know if you’re interested by shooting me a message with the character you’d like, or if I’ve forgotten a critical character and we can get started!

Camp Counselor!AU Time (I personally NEED this in my life tbh…)

-So its a sleep away camp (up in RI) that the guys all work at over the summer while they all are on summer break from their respective colleges (let’s just pretend that none of them go to the same college and only know each other through the camp)

-Enter Bitty, our newest counselor at Camp Samwell who is there both as a kitchen aide and also as a wildlife counselor, so he gets to teach them what all plants are dangerous and how to survive in the woods.

-Jack is the head counselor and oversees all sports/games/competitions as well as the other counselors and what their lessons for their students are

-Shitty is the co-head counselor, but he and Lardo run the arts and crafts station and woodworking (he also helps Bitty out with some of the survivalist stuff)

-Rans and Holster are in charge of any and all team building activities, so they plan all sorts of obstacle courses and what not that the campers have to go through

-Dex and Nursey are both in charge of teaching the campers about animals (Nursey totally reads the campers poetry all the time, he and Lardo KILL at telling stories around the campfire)

-Chowder and Farmer both are in charge of archery

-March and April are the life guards and also run boating lessons

-So now to the story (It’s kinda long so under a cut):

Keep reading