After we played the scene and I stood up I put a little cross on the ground because I just didn’t want anyone walking over where he’d lain, and by the end of the day people would come and lay flowers in this place.
I will remember him and I would love audience to remember him as he emerges from the mountain in that battle charge.
Everyone needs to stop what they are doing and go watch The Great Sperm Race, which is a not only a truly fantastic documentary about sperm, it’s narrated by RICHARD ARMITAGE. Listen to me. Listen to my wisdom.
Richard Armitage says all the naughty words you giggled at when you were seven. Sex. Semen. Vagina. Orgasm.
The entire fertilization operation is dramatized by dressing up grown men and women in white suits and having them run desperately through mountain ranges that symbolize the vaginal walls.
“The cervix is, quite simply, sperm hell.”
They turn The Gherkin in London into a giant testicle. Richard Armitage says the words “giant testicle.”
You get to watch TV-appropriate sex between two average-looking white people while hearing Richard Armitage say phrases like “performance between the sheets.”
At one point they go into a tangent about sex workers and LAPDANCES.
In short, this documentary is a thing of beauty and you must watch it immediately. It’s called THE GREAT SPERM RACE. Narrated by RICHARD ARMITAGE. How could you go wrong?????
Favours. In the front of “fake relationship”, one of my weak point, there’s this story. Maybe is not the most original (Thorin asks his neighbour Bilbo to pretend being his boyfriend while his family is visiting), but well written and hilarious at some points.
Looking to see by Hildyj. If you are short-sighted like me, you’ll understand Thorin’s discomfort when is forced to leave his spectacles at the shop to being replaced. Fortunately, he turns up in Bilbo’s cafè…
I saw Uncle kissing Santa Claus by andquitefranly. Generally, I don’t like Christmas atmosphere… but Thorin’s mood is contagious especially when there’s need to cheer up little Frodo who lost his parents recently. [Suggested soundtrack: every silly Christmas song is fine]
Something wonderful serie by HobbitSizedWriter. I have to admit: I have a soft spot for stories in which one of the couple has a disability but in fact is the strongest one. In this fic we have sassy Bilbo at his best, despite being deaf, and Thorin softer than ever. In some point the writing lost fluidity but is still enjoyable.
The longest night by Meg_Thilbo. This fic is perfect to read in cold winter days, while curling in your favourite blanket or near the fireplace. The fairy-tale elements merge perfectly with the familiar “Tolkien scenario” creating something original. You’ll love Orcrist, the wolf!
“Unfinished tales” section:
Counting stars by Merrom and Valania. This is my little excursus in the Kiliel ship. I love Tauriel character being a nerd and a little naïve. The setting reminds me some teen-drama like Dawson’s Creek or One Tree Hill (yes, I’m old). Bonus: a hint of Fìli/Sigrid. [Suggested soundtrack: She’s not afraid by 1D]
A wanderer be by thingishouldntbedoing. Again, one of my first bagginshield fanfiction and again, Thorin is a soldier suffering from PTSD but the originality in respect of “Obstacles” is the team Frodo/Merry/Pippin/Sam+Fìli&Kìli plotting to get their bachelor uncles together.
Where the thrush knocks by andquitefrankly. Bilbo is a history professor obsessed with the ancient, mythological and lost Kingdom of Erebor. He has a map that can’t decipher, but his old friend Gandalf get him in touch with Thorin Durin, an archeologist who is searching for Erebor too.. if you like Indiana Jones, this fic is perfect for you! And if you don’t…. what’s wrong with you??
An unexpected text by baggvinshield and filiandkiliheirsofdurin. What would you do if you received an unexpected text from an unknown number? Well, Thorin Oakenshield is a bit annoyed but nevertheless he accepts to do Bilbo Baggins, a cartographer, a favour. Is the beginning of a strange friendship or maybe something more?
“Short is better” section:
Where the lost can be found by authoressjean. One of my (many) weak points: grungy Thorin (in other words: Richard Armitage as Chop in Urban and the Shed Crew). There’s a newcomer at the soup kitchen where Bilbo works and immediately attracts his attention: why is he there? why he can’t come back to his family?
The great shire conspiracy by Avelera. Are you sure that Thorin, Fìli and Kìli died in the Battle of Five Armies? Then, who are the THREE dwarves who help Bilbo packing for his second journey? If you’re seeking for a fix-it, this one-shot is for you! And you’ll end up identifying yourself with Nali, the ultimate shipper.
Written on his skin by serenbach. The Quest has left signs on Bilbo deeply and otherwise, but Thorin didn’t realize it until he has the hobbit in his arms. A little angst, a little fluff one-shot.
He really wants to do the right thing, he wants to be a hero, he wants to be a great leader. But because of his stubbornness and his sort of, single-mindedness, his inability to change, he fails. He screws up. – RA