Some of you will be upset with the lack of hockey player, but I have to tie some loose ends before finishing the story later this week. :) Lot more hockey player in the next post
The next three weeks were much the same. Will and I faced our
first road trip, and I ached while he was gone. I hoped that was just a ‘new
relationship’ phase. Which Will and I were now in. Will had spent the entire
day, after our first real night together, with me and at our first official
date had made sure I knew that I was his and he was mine. Rian was ecstatic, as
was Jake. The two boys had hit it off after Will came back from his road trip,
now they talked more than I think Will and I talk.
I was happy.
It showed in my work. Instead of sitting in my home office pouring over
manuscripts and not blinking for hours on end. I was sitting in cafes and once on
a really nice day, I even sat in the park. I hadn’t realized how much my work
had been affected by sitting in the same spot all day. At night I would be
sprawled across the couch or floor, papers scattered around me while Will
watched T.V. That is, until he got bored and decided I was more fun to play
think Melanie Cook would very much like the idea of us doing this while laying
on her manuscript,” I told Will one night that he was being particularly needy.
room is so far away,” he had pouted back, his lips on my shoulder and neck,
making me completely forget what I had been talking about.
Kota had even
warmed up to Will, no longer hissing at him as she fled the room. On the nights
Will stayed over, I had him feed Kota instead of me and it seemed to be
helping. I had gained three new best friends in the girlfriends of a few of
Will’s teammates, which was great. Jake and Rian had been my only two friends
for quite a while, and now that they were together it was at times a bit
awkward for me.
of sitting alone at the games that Rian and Jake were unable to attend with me,
I sat among the wives and girlfriends. A glass of wine in my hand and my
boyfriend’s hat on my head.
trips were my favorite, not only because I had missed Will, but I had missed
his touch. And Will felt very much the same way about me. Those nights we didn’t
sleep. Again, I was kind of hoping it was a ‘new relationship’ phase because I
did not have half the endurance Will did and would be positively exhausted the
entire next two days. After losses weren’t so bad either, he would be
frustrated and needed to take that frustration out on someone and I was more
than willing to help him relieve some of that.
nights that I didn’t go to bed with Will, nights I was alone, I would dream
about the little green-eyed boy again. At first it had been the same dream over
and over again, his pink hand reaching for my dark one, me always pulling away.
But now it was different. I was back in high school, roaming the familiar
hallways and classrooms but I always seemed to have a shadow. A green-eyed
He would be
there at lunch, sitting across from me laughing. He was at gym class, tossing a
football back and forth with me. He sat beside me in chemistry and English. We
rode to school together every morning and rode home every night after practice.
I wanted to know the body of who I was in so badly. Nothing about the dream
sitting at my favorite coffee shop, it’s on my mind. I don’t even notice Will
walks in, nor when he sits beside me until he nudges my hand.
I startle and
nearly spill my coffee across the table.
“Oh, hi,” I
murmur, leaning in and kissing him.
the matter?” He asks, hunching over his coffee, head low as a group of teenage
girls enter the café.
breathes and gazes up at me from under dark lashes. “You think I can’t tell
when something is bothering you? Remember what I said to you after convincing
you to go out to dinner with me the first time?”
remembering his words exactly. “I’m an open book,” I quote, trailing my finger
along the top of my cup.
favorite book,” he nudges my knee with his under the table. Warmth floods
through me like a blanket on a cold winter day and I smile shyly down at the
table. “Now tell me what’s wrong.”
My smile fades
as I press my lips together. Will doesn’t press me, he knows I’m thinking about
how to word everything. Unable to come up with a way that doesn’t make me sound
crazy, I flat out tell him the dreams I’ve been having.
When I finish
our coffees are nearly gone and the group of giggling girls has finally made
their way back outside. Will ponders for a moment while I wait, unsure what to
say or do.
Jake,” Will finally says and everything in me seizes up.
round on him, wondering how on earth I didn’t make that connection.
“Well, he has
brown skin and you’re familiar with both him and Nathan,” Will shrugs. “Makes
sense to me.”
I sit back in
my seat and pull my eyebrows together.
“I just don’t
understand why I keep having the same dream…”
thoughtful for a moment, fingering the lid of his coffee cup. “I think maybe it’s
because you aren’t able to let the issue with Nathan go,” he says slowly,
nothing in his tone is accusing, just stating a fact.
for a long time. My mind working out something that I had not yet thought of.
Will senses my change of mood and eyes me warily.
like you’re thinking, what are you thinking?” Will asks, sitting back in his seat,
one hand on the back of my chair.
talked to Jake on the phone… he talked about the person who broke his nose when
we were children. He had said that it was me…” I say slowly, knowing my spoken
thoughts meant nothing to Will.
“And… Did you
break his nose?”
I nod slowly.
“I did, but I wasn’t the only one.” I meet his gaze. “In the car after the
play, he was saying that I would never love him, that I would never feel any
different about him. I don’t think he was talking about me. I think he
convinced himself that he had feelings for me to hide his feelings for someone
else. Someone who wouldn’t love him like the way he wanted.”
widen with apprehension.
“I gotta go.
I need to find Nathan,” I say, grabbing up my purse and pressing a hurried kiss
to Will’s mouth. “See you tonight?”
Will gave me
my favorite lopsided smile. “You’ll be seeing a lot of me tonight,” he winks at
me and I swat his hand as it lowers down my back.
you think of anything else?” I roll my eyes and hike my purse up onto my
comes to you? Yes. But it’s still always on the back burner,” Will grabs my
coat and pulls me down for another kiss, this one a little more inappropriate
for a quiet café.
cheeks, I fend him off and hurry out the door. When I park my car outside
Nathan’s house I freeze with my hand on the door handle. What the hell am I doing? What did I think I was going to say? I
retract my hand back onto my lap and sigh. I
just want my friend back. I can understand why he hid it from me for so
long, why he hid it from everyone.
from a family of very traditional people. Even as a child I understood that.
Nathan had rules that I never had, restrictions that I couldn’t imagine living
by. His parents were the ones pushing Nathan to go to medical school, though I
knew his heart laid in business, he had the mindset for it. Even as children
when we would do fundraisers for school, Nathan was the one who kept everything
organized. He made sure everyone knew their job and helped everyone and anyone.
I just want him to be happy.
With a deep
breath, I push my car door open and step out into the early spring cool. I can
see Nathan’s car in the driveway, though no other cars are parked there as
well. Good, maybe he will be alone. I
steel myself and ring his door bell. I wait a long time. When I raise my hand
to press the button again, I hear the lock click back.
A face I don’t
recognize appears behind the screen door. He’s a cute boy, dark brown hair that
comes nearly to his shoulders and a wild beard covering much of his lower face.
“Can I help
you?” He asks me, his voice matches his look, deep and husky.
Nathan home?” I ask a little uncertainly, thrown off by someone else answering
The boy scrutinizes
me a moment and I fidget under his stare.
right?” He finally says and I make a face.
“Yes,” I say uncertainly.
“How did you know?”
laughs under his breath. “I know a lot about you. But Nathan isn’t here,” he
leans casually against the door frame, his arms crossed across his chest but he
eyes me curiously.
“His car is
here…” I say quietly, looking over my shoulder and then back to him.
that doesn’t mean he is. He’s at the bar,” the boy says, his voice taking a
“A bar? It’s
eleven in the morning,” I eye him, wondering if he’s lying to me.
“I didn’t say
going out on the town, besides,” he pauses and gives me a hard stare, “you and
I both know he hasn’t been above morning drinking in a while.”
I sigh and
run a hand through my hair, tucking it behind my ear. “Well can you tell me
what bar at least?”
say anything for a while and I wonder if I’m going to get an answer. When the
silence stretches even longer I let out a long sigh and take a step back.
get it. I guess I’ll try another time,” I mutter. “Thanks anyway.” I turn and
walk back down the front steps, throwing a look to his car as if he would
“Y/N,” I hear
the boy call out behind me and I pause, turning halfway to look at him. He
sighs loudly and rubs the back of his head. “He’s downtown at (……).”
and give him a small smile. “Thank you,” I say.
He just nods
at me and steps back into the house, the door closing quietly behind him. I
stare at the door a moment more and then hurry back to my car.
I type in the
bar name into my map app and take off. I had never been to this part of town
before, the bars I’m used to going to all on the other end of the block. I pull
up outside a vibrant building, all modern and cool. Not at all what I was
expecting out a daytime bar.
I walk inside
and instantly realize why I had never been to this bar before and I wonder why.
It’s beautiful. I can see the lights above the glass ceiling, all different
colors but currently off. There’s quite a few people, a lot of them sitting
alone at a table or the bar. I eye the faces for a moment, searching for my
I’m about to
give up hope and wonder if the boy had lied to me when I see another doorway at
the other end of the bar that I hadn’t noticed. I wander over, no one glancing
my way. I peek my head through and see another area with tables and chairs and
another bar. There’s a lot more people in here and it’s darker with the absence
spot the familiar blond head, half facing away from me and I start forward. My
steps falter when I realize he’s sitting with someone, someone who is holding
his hand. I hadn’t thought of him being with anyone which I now realize was
stupid because his car was at home and he obviously needed a way of getting
study the man sitting beside him, his beautiful dark complexion is enough to
make me stare harder than I meant to. It’s not entirely based on his physical attractiveness,
it’s how he’s staring at Nathan. His chestnut eyes are visible even from where
I’m standing and they are fully attentive to Nathan, warm and loving.
something in my chest and I realize I’m heartbreakingly happy. I can feel tears
in my eyes and I have no idea why. I watch Nathan run his hand over the man’s
and shyly laugh at something he says. The smile that forms on my face does so
without my knowledge and it’s at that moment that Nathan seems to feel my
eyes that I’ve meet every night stare at me in shock and then resolve. The man
beside him looks at me as well, curiosity caressing his features. But I keep my
eyes with Nathan, seeing my best friend happy for the first time in I don’t
know how long.
calls out and I jolt. He stands slowly and I hesitantly walk towards him. Tears
now freely falling down my face without my permission.
murmur, moving into his open arms and burrowing my face into his chest. So warm
and familiar, and now so peaceful. I no longer feel that aversion as I did when
he threw himself at me.
We don’t say
anything for a moment, and I hear the man say something to Nathan and move to
the bar, letting us have our moment.
“How did you
find where I was?” Nathan asks, his mouth pressed against my hair.
“I went to
your house and one of your roommates told me,” I say, my voice muffled against
“No, I meant
how did you even find me?” He counters, his arms squeezing tighter around me.
“I put the
pieces together… with a little help,” I add and take a peek up at him.
expression is almost sad, like he had waited an eternity for me to come here.
“I’m sorry it
took me so long,” I whisper and take his hand in my own.
his head, his lips turning up slightly in the corners. “No, I’m sorr-“
dare apologize for anything,” I snap, pressing my free hand over his mouth. “Don’t.”
He watches me
from overtop my fingers, his breath his warm against my hand but I don’t pull
I’m sorry for not making you feel like I would understand. For not being the
friend that you needed and making you feel as if you couldn’t tell me. That you
felt like you had to lie or cover your feelings by pretending you had them for
someone else.” I cry at him. “For making you instead turn to the bottle because
I wasn’t there.”
soften and he gently pulls my hand from his face, putting if free hand behind
my neck and pushing our foreheads together.
“You are the
best friend I ever could have imagined having. And I am sorry for putting our
friendship in jeopardy by trying to make myself someone I wasn’t. You didn’t
deserve any of that and for that I am sorry,” he says quietly and I can see
tears in his eyes as well.
you,” I whisper and he smiles.
“I missed you
more,” he kisses my forehead just like he used to when we were younger.
I sniffle and
pull my head back to look at him. “What about Jake?” I ask.
smile fades a little but he keeps my hand tight in his own. “That will come
with time. Luckily I have someone that’s making me realize there are a lot of
other fish in the sea,” he grins at me.
understand,” I say and step into him embrace again.
anything you don’t understand?” He asks in amusement and I laugh.
understand why you haven’t introduced to me your friend yet,” I quirk at him
and he laughs.
good question. Come,” he pulls my hand towards the bar and so unlike the weeks
ago at the play, I willingly follow him.
Dude remember when you were a potato? (btw you will always be a potato to me. Sorry. :D) Now look at you, you look like an actual Model. What happened? I remember when Rian was kind of like Zack, never really talking and always kind of shy and being in the background. And i feel like when they got more popular, so around Don’t Panic Era, Rian got out of his shell more, became more confident and talked alot more during interviews. I Always thought he was a very funny guy but now he is just hilarious! And the way he treats his Girlfriend, god he adores her, she is the love of his life and he makes that clear to whoever crosses his way and it is the most adorable thing ever. You can see him being so proud of her and being her number 1 fan. This is real love right there you guys! He is 29 now, can you believe that? Looking at the picture on the left i think of the “circles” music video and how young they all looked, it is weird seeing them as adults. But they all just got way funnier, and matured alot (well everyone but jacky boy. :D) And i just love seeing them grow up. Especially Rian cause he changed a whole lot but at the same time he didn’t change that much. It is hard to explain. I just always get so happy when i look at him cause he never seems sad. And i bet he could cheer anyone up. I couldn’t be more proud of this guy! Rian happy 29th Birthday! :)
Honestly the fact that All Time Low started off as a bunch of high school friends covering Blink 182 songs and now they’re this huge pop punk sensation and they’re actually touring with Blink 182 (the very reason they started making music) makes me so happy. And then I saw Jack post this to Snapchat (that’s Blink playing btw) and I have no idea why but this makes me so happy for them and just so hopeful about life in general. Like they went all the way from the beginning as just a bunch of random dudes to living out their dreams and that’s incredible and so inspiring
I met all time low on Friday and I was wearing a "lol ur not Zack Merrick" jumper and Jack grabbed onto Rian cause everyone was wearing shirts that had Jack's or Alex's name on it and I was the only one wearing one with Zack's name, and Zack looked so happy and Alex said he was gonna sue Amazon cause off it 😂 but they're all so sweet and I cried cause Jack literally shook Rian to get Alex to look up and Zack was just smiling at me
awwww that’s so sweet!! bless his little soul i’m glad you showed him some love god bless
She Doesn’t Know She’s Beautiful (Zack Merrick) (All Time Low)
Based on the SWS lyric ‘she doesn’t know she’s beautiful cause no ones ever told her so’
Word Count: 709
I’d just finished rehearsals with the band for our upcoming tour when my phone vibrated on the table. Jack was the closest and picked it up before smirking and then tossed it at me.
“When are you going to man up and tell her you like her Zack.”
I had a missed call from y/n, one of my best friends who I’d loved since high school. The guys always mocked how close were during high school, and how much we acted like an old married couple. But I never had the courage to ask her out.
“She has a boyfriend and she’s happy guys.”
Jack and Rian rolled their eyes while Alex patted me on the back.
“Things have a way of working themselves out Zack.”
Just then my phone went off twice; y/n had sent me two messages.
Y/N: He cheated on me Zack…
Y/N: I can’t do this anymore. I love you and the guys…goodbye x
The last message shocked me, y/n had depression and suicidal thoughts in the past but had never acted on them. Yes she also cut but that was way back in her high school days.
“I need to get to y/n’s guys. I think she’s going to do something stupid.”
I showed the rest of the guys the messages and they agreed I should go alone because only I could talk her down from the edge. I promised to call them with updates as I grabbed my keys.
~Skip Car Ride~
I ran up to y/n’s door and let myself in with the spare key I had. I found her curled up in a ball on the sofa with her head between her knees shaking. My heart stopped when I saw a pill bottle, a bottle of vodka and a razor-blade on the coffee table, but as far as I could tell they hadn’t been used yet.
“He said I wasn’t thin enough, that the other girl was everything I’d never be Zack. I thought he loved me so I showed him my scars and he laughed at me, told me I was a worthless cutter.”
My blood boiled, how could he be so cruel. I sat down next to her and she turned before curling against me with her head in my lap. I ran my fingers through her hair to calm her down and started to hum her favourite Sleeping with Sirens song.
“She doesn’t know she’s beautiful cause no one’s ever told her so. And the demons that she hides are all she knows. And maybe she could fall in love with someone in her life she could trust.”
“Zack you’re one in a million. How come you’re the only guy in my life I can trust?”
y/n sat up and wiped her tear stained eyes which smudged her mascara and made her look like a raccoon. That lyric meant so much to me and my feelings for y/n.
“Because I know you better than you know yourself y/n. I know all your likes and dislikes. I’ll never lie to you or hurt you. That jerk didn’t deserve someone as beautiful as you.”
Something behind y/n’s eyes softened.
“Maybe she could fall in love with someone in her life she could trust. Will someone tell her she’s enough?”
Her voice cracked on the last part. Did she feel the same way as me? my question was answered when she crawled onto my lap and kissed me. I was taken by surprise to the point she mistook it for rejection and quickly pulled back before blushing.
“Shit Zack I’m sorry. I misread the signs. I’m all over the place tonight…”
I cut her off by capturing her lips once more and snaked my arms around her waist to support her. She kissed me back and I couldn’t ask for anymore. Alex had been right earlier. After a couple of minutes I pulled back and smiled at her.
“I’ve loved you since high school y/n. And you’ll always be enough for me. I love you y/n.”
“I love you to Zack.”
Those were the five words I’d waited years to hear from her. I was never letting her go and would show her everyday just how beautiful she really was.
Rian Johnson: Rey and Luke will be the key relationship in Episode VIII.
SW Fandom: Okay, but did he really say that? 🤔 It sounds like he meant Rey and Chewbacca will be the key connection if you analyze the commas throughout the article. 🤔 Rey and Luke being chummy is just too obvious. 🤔 Clearly a red herring. 🤔
- the way Alex says “scream to be heard” and “i’m sorry, i’m sorry” in Lullabies.
- songs off of The Party Scene before the were edited to go on to Put Up Or Shut Up
- the guitar riff at the beginning of Running From Lions (Put Up Or Shut Up version)
- “I think some dude just grabbed my junk” in I Feel Like Dancing
- high pitched singing in the last verse of Jasey Rae
- Remembering Sunday in general.
- Vic’s parts in A Love Like War
- Patrick Stump wrote Outlines
- Jack trying to do hair flips in music videos.
- Jack in the I Feel Like Dancing music video
- the leg thing
- Zack being interviewed
- Rian and Cassadee
- Rian’s perfectly white teeth (like ????)
- “caught up in the moment, but not in the right way” from Poppin’ Champagne
- “preaching down to the sinners” in Heroes
- Straight To DVD
- the Something’s Gotta Give music video
- the picture of Zack in the atl booty shorts
- Jack’s Jack Skellington tattoo
- The fact that all the boys have their “signature skull” tattooed on them somewhere