can everyone take a moment to consider what it would be like if the avengers got pokemon go:
the day of its release, natasha disappears for a full week and comes back at level 16, with nine different rare pokemon. nobody asks what she did
clint uses the vents to track pokemon around the tower, and often jumps down into bedrooms at random moments to catch one. sometimes he loses signal, and you can hear him yelling in frustration through the air vents
tony programs the suit to alert him when there’s a pokemon nearby so he can fly there instantly, and he does the same for rhodey. after three days of this, the rest of the avengers confront them and accuse them of cheating. (”you’re supposed to walk, tony.” “shut it steve you’re just jealous that i got the snorlax before you.”)
steve catches onto the game lingo surprisingly quick, despite never hearing of pokemon before. he hatches the most eggs.
one time on a run, sam and steve saw a jigglypuff appear on their grids. that was the only time sam managed to run faster than steve.
the game won’t count pietro’s steps when he runs fast, so he’s taken to figuring out where the pokemon is and directing wanda and vision (and sometimes clint) to it.
all the electric-type pokemon show up near thor, so hes become the target of many phones pointing at him. he often thinks theyre taking pictures of him so he smiles, no matter what hes doing.
bruce has a small army of eevees, despite rarely leaving the lab
when bucky is taken to the tower, its after the game’s release, so he’s startled when everyone drops what theyre doing and grabs their phones when someone yells “SQUIRTLE.” he thinks its code for something and starts keeping a list of the different pokemon names he hears. it takes three weeks for someone to correct him.
during a debrief, everyone’s phones vibrates, including fury’s. they all stare at him while he catches a clefairy.
the real civil war: tony is team valor and steve is team mystic. the tower is a gym, so they constantly battle over it. one morning, everyone wakes up to find that the gym is now a team instinct gym, with a 3000 CP gyrados guarding it, owned by a player with a russian username. tony and steve stop fighting over the gym.
Cap: Samuel adams, like he wont drink bad beer but he’s not going to drink pretentious craft beer either, he finds that reasonably priced medium. The guy in the bar who feels like he can instruct the bartender on what channel should be playing on the TV and how loud it should be. After four beers he starts to point a lot.
Tony: He crosses the broad spectrum of alcohol, like from toasting everyone with Dom Perignon 2008 Vintage champagne to ‘ay who wants to watch me down this bud light lime out of caps helmut’ just 100- 0 real quick
Natasha: no its not stoli or russian standard, not all her vodka is russian you stereotyping fuks, but hey, you want some i have some out back its 89% and was brewed in a soviet war bunker by a guy named ivan, it’ll burn a hole in your tongue, your oesophagus and your soul, here i’ll pour you a shot
Bruce: Doesn’t know anything about wine but if he just asks for ‘the house wine’ at restaurants he knows he’s gonna sound like he’s ‘with it’
Falcon: classy belvedere vodka done in shots from the tackiest plastic shot glass he got free from a sale bottle of Sierra Nevada. Is in charge of the jukebox/ipod dock/aux cord and no one appreciates that but they should
Thor: MEAD and ALE served in TANKARDS by WENCHES and… you know… I guess Heineken or whatevers on tap is fine too…. I mean it’s not served in an ivory and gold drinking horn but….ok
Rhodey: Sierra Nevada or Blue Moon, beer for the man who knows what the term ‘hops’ actually means. He is the designated driver and knows his limits, he’s defintely only going to have one and then he’s going to make sure Tony isn’t going to steal thor’s cape and try and use the infinity gauntlet as a substitute drinking horn, he is going to be responsible. An hour passes. He is up on a table with tony, both wrapped in the cape, using caps helmet as the substitute drinking horn as they both scull bud light lime while singing sweet caroline
Bucky: Doing shots with natasha
Fine five star cognac aged in oaken barrels in some rich provincial french town shipped to his estate exclusively and served to him by a beautiful lady in a crystal glass carried on a polished vibranium tray as he sits in a plush leather chair overlooking his land
Clint: It’s always tequila, and every time he puts the little plastic sombrero hat on his head and thinks he’s really funny. That or he’s the guy that drunkenly pressures people to eat the tequila worm for an hour and then when no one wants to he does it himself and fifteen minutes later he’s vomiting behind someones car in the driveway
Wanda: did a shot of 89% soviet vodka and is regretting her decisions
Vision: Requires no alcohol as it serves no apparent function. Is enquiring to the whereabouts of a bucket so that he might assist wanda
Spider-man: tony stark let him have a sip of his bud light lime if he promised not to tell cap and it was so rad but oh my god that was so nasty but he cant say that because like its probably fancy millionaire beer, this is the coolest thing that’s ever happened to him, he can’t believe he was even invited to this party.