We should start a new culture/religious/social group, whatever you want to call it (it won’t have a name, it will just be) where the only things we believe in is, ourselves, peace, equality and the preservation of the earth. Removing all stereotypes, prejudice, racism, judgements and class. You can love who you want, and be who you want. Who’s joining me? :D

Global Movement


For we think in terms of languages and images which we did not invent, but which were given to us by our society. The more a thing tends to be permanent, the more it tends to be lifeless. The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance. There is no other reality than present reality, so that, even if one were to live for endless ages, to live for the future would be to miss the point everlastingly. We rush home to get away from work to begin the real business of life, to enjoy ourselves. For the vast many of Americans, what they get home to is to watch a reproduction of life. You can’t touch it nor taste it. It turns out to be a purely passive contemplation of a flickering screen. Mile after mile of isolated rooms filling towers. This isolation is the creation of a mindless crowd. A culture based on this mindset leads itself to destruction. Be the change you wish to see in the world. Live outside the box.

You must realize, that fear is not real. It is a product of thoughts you create. Do not misunderstand me, danger is very real, but fear is a choice.

What I've learned about LOVE

“Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible – it cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession could. - Barbara De Angelis” 

It says it all really. There is nothing in this world more powerful than love. That can be a good thing and a bad thing at times. Love can drive people to do amazing things. Love can make you do crazy things.  Love can turn your life upside down. Love can seemingly ruin your life. Love can also put all the broken pieces of your heart back together in a way that makes you feel like it was never whole in the first place. 

About 6 years ago – I was single and my heart was recovering from what felt like 15 rounds in the ring with Mike Tyson. I left my husband. I’d been with him since I was 16.  It was a long time coming – a decision I should have made years earlier, but didn’t, because I couldn’t. It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make in my life. And even though it was about 4 years too late – my happiness was worth more than any more heartache. I stayed in that relationship way longer than I should have because I was more concerned about not wanting to hurt him – than I was about my own feelings and the things I wanted. I sidelined my own feelings and wants and needs for years, for him…but there was always that voice deep down telling me I wasn’t happy, that I wanted so much more, that there was something better. I pushed it aside hoping it would go away….but it only got louder. No longer could I ignore, that I wanted more.

He was 8 years older than me. He liked what he liked. He was the way he was - and that was that.  Some people don’t deal well with change. I was 16 when we met – but at 18 my life changed dramatically. It can be lonely because you feel like no one understands what you’re going through.  But it’s also a struggle because you desperately want to embrace this new life but you want to remain the same person – which at the time, you don’t know, is impossible. You can’t go through a life change without changing or growing or evolving as a person. And some people don’t see change as a positive or good thing. So I guess there was part of me that wanted to prove to the people that were in my life before Idol - that I hadn’t changed, and that I was still the same girl.  At 20 I was engaged, and at 21 I was married.  Before we were engaged, I knew I wasn’t happy and I tried to figure out ways to break up with him but I didn’t have the heart to do it. I didn’t know how. So I just stayed with him because I thought that’s what you’re supposed to do. I felt weak for not being able to make the decision and speak up and do it. Before I knew it I was walking down the aisle…and I was married to someone that deep down in my heart, I was unhappy with. He didn’t fit in to my world – and that sounds so shallow. But it was the truth. He wasn’t comfortable in the world I had found myself in – in fact, he resented it. Because it took me away from him. It got in the way of his plans, his life and his way of living it. He never accepted it and he never embraced it fully. That is extremely exhausting. Because you are constantly made to feel like you have to choose. And you feel guilty all the time. And that’s not fair. I wanted someone to walk with me through this crazy life. I wanted someone to push me, to challenge me, to drive me, to encourage me. Someone who supported my dreams and ambitions. Who believed in me. And wanted everything I wanted, as much as I did.

It hurt. I was so lost. I was scared. I’d never been single as an adult. I didn’t know how to be alone. The love and support from my friends helped me through and certainly softened the fall…even if it was just being a shoulder to cry on, an ear to talk off, or providing a “break up survival kit” consisting of tissues, mini bottles of spirits, chocolate and rom-coms when I turned up on their door with a suitcase and teary eyes. LOVE is so powerful. At the same time as nursing a broken heart – love is what lifted me up, comforted me, giving time the opportunity to heal. In fact, it was actually the persuit of this illusive, bigger, better, intangible LOVE - that is what caused all this heartache in the first place. I didn’t even know if it was out there!!! 

I had imagined all the qualities of my ‘dream man’. And one night…while drowning my sorrows in a jug of beer, out with my friends. In he walked. We locked eyes and from that moment my life was changed FOREVER! When I met Rich, I was a bit beaten down emotionally – I was lost, I was fragile, I was vulnerable, I was cynical and I had my defense up. I had no confidence in myself, I’d surrendered to all the people in my life telling me my dreams were too big and I didn’t believe in myself anymore. It’s funny how, when you surround yourself with people who don’t believe in you and don’t support you – whether you know it or not, you tend to dumb yourself down and begin to reign in your outlandish and ambitious dreams. You start to believe that maybe they’ll never happen, and you talk yourself down into being ‘more realistic’.

But very quickly it was like a whole world I never new existed – opened up to me. It was like there was this secret club that I had become a part of. He somehow managed to help me rediscover my self confidence and self belief which I thought I’d lost forever – and believe that anything was possible, that all my dreams were within reach, I just had to believe it myself. He believed in me. He supported me. He encouraged me. Wholeheartedly. I’d never experienced that. Someone who, believed in me more than I did. Someone who wanted to see me achieve all the things I ever wanted. Who believed I could make it happen.  Who wanted to help me make it happen and see it through. All of a sudden everything was so crystal clear and I felt like I could do anything. He restored my confidence and my belief in myself by loving me, by supporting me, my encouraging me, by believing in me. And THAT is all I ever wanted. And it’s what I hope everyone in this world gets to experience – I pray that everyone has that special someone who is their ‘Rich’. The person that makes them believe that they can touch the sky - that there are no limits, that you can achieve anything. Someone who supports you all the way and loves you no matter what, no pretense, no rules, no restrictions, no boundaries, no ifs, no buts, no limits…unconditionally.

THAT is what LOVE is. It feels like you’re walking on the clouds and like the universe is yours to explore and there are no boundaries. And that is what he made me feel…and to this day STILL makes me feel. You see…love should nourish you so you thrive. It should challenge you and take you all the places you’ve dreamed of. It should be everything you’ve imagined. It should be all that and a bag of potato chips!!! Everything I am today and all that I have achieved in the last 5 years is because of Rich. Because he loves me, supports me, believes in me, pushes me and is there to hold my hand through every up and down, to help me through the tough times and laugh with me through the good times. If I never met him, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. Now I know what real love is…true and unconditional love.  The kind of love I thought was just in the movies. And I feel so lucky every day that I have found it – and that I have such a wonderful person in my life. I’m so glad I put myself through all that hurt, and all that pain. It was worth it in the end. I ignored my inner voice for a long time but I finally listened to it – as hard as it was. I knew there was something better, and I knew I deserved it…and because I believed it, I got it.

Through it all - what I’ve learned is that everything I’ve heard people say in all these corny love songs over the years…..IS TRUE! Love lifts us up where we belong. Love is all around. Love changes everything. Love is a battlefield.  Love will save the day. In this crazy world….love is what keeps us going. What keeps us believing. Love drives us to push through. Love is what breaks us down – but what lifts us back up. ALL WE NEED IS LOVE - to be the best we can be. To be happy. To be whole. Whether it be Self love. Love for what you do. Loving somebody. Being loved. Love from a friend, a family member, a lover. Love is all around, love is everything, love is everywhere and LOVE IS ALL WE NEED!!!