revenge stories

I've been told you'd like to hear about my Grandmother...

My grandmother got married in 1962, to a young man in the military. For a wedding present, their parents bought them a house in a nice suburb. White picket fence, whole 9 yards. Not long after they moved in, the next door neighbor planted a mullberry tree on the side of his property, near my grandparent’s driveway. Nothing seemed amiss, but if you know Mullberry Trees, you know that sh*t is about to get real.

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"ID EVERYONE. No exceptions. Thanks." -MGMT

So my friend who isn’t on Tumblr told me this beautiful story that needs to be heard. (Posted with her permission).

A few years ago she worked at a little hole in the wall franchise liquor store here in AB, Canada. The staff received a notice from management stating that they suspected AGLC (Alberta Gaming & Liquor Commision) was going to be doing some ‘secret shopping’ in the area to fine liquor stores who weren’t checking for ID, and that as such they were to ID every single customer without exception. (Having worked at a liquor store myself, this would suck, but it beats getting a personal fine and pissing the boss off getting them a big fine as well).

So one day my friend is on shift and her horrible manager/franchise owner who no one liked comes in to purchase a bottle. My friend asks for ID. This ensues:

Friend: Can I see some ID?

Manager: I didn’t bring it with me. Just ring me up.

Friend: Sorry, as per your memo I can’t do that. I need to see ID for every customer. No exceptions.

Manager: Friend, ring me up. Now. Or you’ll be written up.

Friend: Sorry, no can do manager. You were very explicit we ID everyone. You should have known to bring yours.

Manager: Obviously that doesn’t apply to me. I own the store. Ring me up or you’re fired.

Friend: Guess I’ll leave then…

So my friend drops her apron and starts walking to the door, and her manager lunges for her and grabs her and starts yelling in her face about how she’s fired and going to be banned from every franchise store for life due to insubordination blah blah blah. Then, out of nowhere, a plainclothes cop cuffs the manager and she gets arrested for assault.

As it turns out, in the line behind psycho manager was not only a plainclothes officer but an AGLC employee. In the end, the AGLC employee fined the manager over $10 000 and she was fired by the franchise for the incident and banned from even entering one of their stores again, in addition to the suspended sentence and community service time she was sentenced to for assaulting her staff member.

I’ll make sure you never get a date again.

Over two years ago, I dated a boy for around 5 or 6 months. Let’s call him X. Ultimately, I broke up with X because he routinely sexually assaulted me, cheated on me, threatened to tell my mother horrific and untrue things about me if I left him, and many other things of that sort. We don’t talk regularly, but every time he likes a girl he’ll pretend to text me accidentally and tell me about it in an attempt to make me jealous. I have a friend who X talks to regularly, and this friend will then tell me the name of the girl he’s crushing on.

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Story Time!!!

So, my brother occasionally stole my books when I was 14 (which he then proceeded to never read). At that time, I was taking anti-depressants (and still am, as was and is my younger brother). As revenge, I once announced to the whole household that the tablet on the right was mine and that my brother was to take the tablet on the left. I then proceeded to quickly run to the loo, and when I returned, the tablet on the right was gone. Would you believe it, my brother had taken it and hadn’t heeded my instruction (just as planned, the little shit). Being 14, I made a big deal out of it by telling him that he took my women’s multi-vitamin, and it would turn him into a woman at a rapid pace. I told him that his boobs would get bigger and all sorts of other additional shit that I thought up on the spot. That also included me showing him a Ponstan packet (for cramps) and telling him that he should listen to me next time I yell out a clear instruction. He freaked the f*ck out!!! He cried to mum and dad telling them that he could feel his boobs expanding and meanwhile I was cacking myself laughing in the kitchen (along with my parents). He eventually found out… after about half an hour of balling his eyes out and groping his boobs. After that, he never stole my books again :)

"Go ahead call my parents"- "Alright then if you insist"

The Background: This happened a few hours ago. I work at a large chain of pizza restaurants. Let’s call it Pominos Dizza. Like most places, we get a few prank calls a week from pre teens. Usually it doesn’t bother me and I’ll go along with it because it gives me something to do when it’s slow. But being a Friday night, we were busy and I wasn’t having it. Me will be me, and K will be kid.

The events:

Me: Hi thanks for calling Pominos Dizza, how can I help you tonight?

K: trying but not succeeding in holding in his laughter Hey is Mr Wall there?

Me: Um no sir there isn’t one that work here.

K: What about Mrs. Wall?

Me: Nope none of those either

K: Then how is your building standing up?!

K: laughter from him and background

This went on a couple more times with classics such as “can I place an order to your sisters house?” And the CLASSIC “is your refrigerator running? Then you better go get it!!!”

Finally I had had enough. I let the kids know I was done playing games.

Me: alright look it says here that your dad’s name is dads name (we keep names and addresses of past customers and their orders in the computer for future orders just to speed up the process) If you don’t stop this I’ll give him a call and let him know what’s been going on.

Usually this would stop the kids. I knew it did back in my earlier days of being a dumb kid. But some people just can’t be bothered and have to push the envelope a bit too far.

K: I know you won’t. Go ahead and call him.

Oh boy he didn’t have to ask me twice. I hang up the phone and get back to work for a little bit, knowing that the kid will be camped at the phone to answer it for the next 15 minutes or so.

The compliance: I get back to work, free of prank calls from the kid. I should of left it there, having solved the problem, but hey the customer is always right and at Pominos Dizza we always give the customer what they want.

After the supper rush is done, around 45 minutes to an hour later I fulfill the request. I’m still me, D is dad.

Me: Hello this is kushlord666 from pominos, how are you doing tonight.

D: not too bad, what’s the reason for the call?

Me: unfortunately, we’ve been getting a number of calls from this number. We’re really busy and its pushing customers away because of the wait times. Can you please have a talk with who I assume is your son and ask him to knock it off?

D: Oh goodness I’m so sorry I’ll have a chat with him and his buddies.

Me: Thank you so much and thanks for choosing pominos!

At this point I think the story is done. Kid will get a talking to, won’t do it again and that’ll be the end of it. Boy was I mistaken.

Around 30 minutes later a man and a chubby kid around 12 years old come into the store. I don’t think much of it, thinking they’re just getting a few slices for a snack. They come up to the counter and ask for kushlord666.

Me: Yes I’m kushlord666

D: I think my son has something to say to you.

The kid is visibly nervous. He keeps looking around the store, won’t look me in the eye.

K: I’m very sorry for calling you, I know you’re busy and it won’t happen again.

Then to further the awkward suffering of the kid who I kind of feel bad for at this point, the dad places an order for carry out, and sits in our small eatery section where the kid has to try and avoid eye contact with me for the next 20 minutes. Left me a good tip too.

At pominos dizza, the customer always gets what they want.

Code: Elton John

So I’m like, really. Really gay. Like we got a flaming homosexual over here. Like that kinda gay, uk?
Anyhow, in eighth grade, my mom wanted me to go to this boy’s Eagle Scout ceremony. This boy happened to be *Nigel, AKA my best friend *Amelia’s crush. So of course, I convinced her to go. The whole thing was kind of boring. That is,,,, until we showed up.
At this point, I hadn’t come out to a single person-not even Amelia. But she did know I disapproved of Nigel’s political views. So did she, but she was willing to look past it. Anything for love, amiright?
Nigel is a nice boy, and he goes to my church. But he pisses me off. He’s very openly homophobic, so of course I’m not (and have never been) his biggest fan.
The plan for the night was that Amelia was going to stay over at my house that night after the ceremony/party. So by the time the ceremony was halfway through, Amelia and I were both restless. Being the troublemakers we are, we decided it was best for us to entertain ourselves.
So we got up and went to the buffet. And the moment I laid my eyes on the brownies, I had an idea. Was it a bad idea?Maybe. But was it great? Definitely.
So, stifling my giggles as Amelia followed me to my destination, I rolled the 3-4 brownies up into little turds. I left them on the ground right by the door of the men’s bathroom. All that was left to do was wait.
The whole time we hid in the closet we couldn’t stop laughing. But when we heard footsteps we composed ourselves and looked through the blinds. We waited for our victims until Nigel’s little brother and his friends walked up to the door…before stopping in their tracks and collectively gasping.
They conversed briefly, in hushed tones before finally deciding to go get Nigel.
Nigel was pale and shaking at the sight of the turds. “No way. No fuckin way.” He looked about ready to throw up.
Everyone blamed a little boy who is known for misbehaving. They thought he’d pooped on the ground. It caused a shift in the mood of the party.
Nigel had to clean it up. He cried the whole time. It was glorious.

But it wasn’t over yet.

While in the closet, we concocted a plan to bring this prank to the next level. We bought brownie mix and nutty frosting through my mom, who had no idea. After cooking the brownies we smushed them up and mixed them with the frosting. We had made the most delicious turd in existence. It was chunky and moist, and everything we could have imagined and hoped for. It was perfect. So the next day at my church, Amelia and I dropped the giant turd by the men’s restroom–laughing hysterically the whole time.
The first person to come across it was a little girl who was trying to her hand sanitizer. She turned pale, and tugged at her dad’s jacket. But he ignored her. He did not notice.
The next person to come across this beautiful concoction of ours was Nigel. He looked shocked and about ready to cry. Upon further reflection, Amelia and I have realized that he probably felt as though he was being followed.
The last person to come across it was one of my grandfather’s friends. My grandfather works at the church–a janitor of sorts. His friend did his business before reporting the turd to my grandfather, who turned green and looked like he had been told he had minutes to live.
Amelia and I left church in fits of laughter, unable to contain ourselves. The icing on the cake was when my grandfather called my mom upset that he had plugged the toilet with a turd someone had left on the ground. He was surprisingly used to it because people at our church have strange bathroom habits, apparently.
((We eventually confessed when the priest thought it was a hate crime against the church–he was actually rather chill with it when he realized it was preteen pranksters. Surprisingly, my brother decided to take the blame from my mom, while Amelia and I took the credit. This is my second favorite story to tell–Amelia and I have deemed the story Code Elton John…If we ever want to tell it, we ask the other if we can tell ‘the story about Elton John.’ And maybe one day we’ll try again, for old times sake. Thanks for reading. @fightmeimgay))

anonymous asked:

I used to write in notebooks a lot in high school. I was quiet, so the boys liked teasing me. There was one in particular, a cop's kid who was annoying as shit, who tried reading over my shoulder during our theology class. Keep in mind, I went to Catholic school. I presumed the mouthbreather was ignorant, so I drew pentacles all over my notebook & hissed "Kiss my ass" in Polish at him. Kid didn't talk to me until senior year bc he thought I was a witch. #Ravenclaw

Well goddamn.
Sounds like something I would do. 😂😂
-Mel (the Slytherin)

Harass my daughter on Minecraft? You can't hide from me.

So, my daughter, who was about 8 at the time, was REALLY into Minecraft (as most kids are these days). Also desperately wanting to join the Youtube/Let’s Play culture, I had installed some screen recording software that would let her make videos of the games she was playing so she could later upload them to Youtube.

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Uncle bankrupts his previous employer.

Not sure if this is petty or pro or whatever. You be the judge.

My uncle is an Indian doctor. In the 90s there was a massive doctors shortage in Australia so the government gave him citizenship. Unfortunately you still had to sit 3 expensive exams to work as a doctor in Australia. These exams cost thousands of dollars, only happened twice a year, had limited sitting spots/times and had arbitrary pass/fail marks. So many Indian doctors ended up becoming taxi drivers/small businessmen etc. My uncle decided instead he would reapply and go through Australian medical school. Sure enough being a doctor for 10+years makes medical school easy and my uncle was top of his class.

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Re-use unfinished soups for the next customer? Lose your restaurant.

Very long post but worthy to read! A great recipe at the end.

This revenge story happened in the early 90s when I was working after school as a line cook / chef’s assistant at a Chinese restaurant. The place specialized in noodle soups, with the main attraction being our soup stock. The owner used a much revered passed down family recipe. It consisted of freshly cracked pork bones, fresh spices and fresh vegetables all kept at a rolling boil for over 12 hours. It had to be started the night before and the owner was very particular about the soup stock. If it ran out, then it ran out. He refused to ‘cheat’ as some places do by adding water or powdered stock etc.

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I still don't know if he ever got his coffee.

warning: long story.

I’m not 100% sure this even belongs here and I’ve posted this story elsewhere so some of you might have read it already.

Some background: I work in a rather specialized area of Forensics. Officially I’m employed by Police Scotland but they tend to let other law enforcement agencies, universities, etc borrow us from time to time. A lot of the time it’s for consulting work or guest lecturing but sometimes we’re sent to teach training courses.

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Ruined my stepsister's birthday and got her banned from all clubs in town.

warning: long story.

BACK STORY: When I was 12, my mom got married to a halfway decent guy. He’s not bad, but he’s not great either, but he made my mom happy and that’s all that I cared about. In fact, I cared so much about her happiness that I was willing to endure 6 years of living under the same roof as his self-obsessed, obnoxious, spoiled daughter, Amy. The entire time we lived together, she would project all of her insecurities onto me in the form of insults. Being young and wildly insecure about myself, these daily insults well and truly cut me to the core and just continued the cycle of crippling insecurity.

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How to get rid of an home owners association (HOA)

A good friend of mine has about 4 years ago inherited the house of his grandparents. He decided to live there for the time being till he has decided what to do with the house. He grew up in it, so he did not really want to sell it.

Not even a week after he moved in, he got a visit from a neighborhood committee. They said they are the 3 board members of the HOA , and are here so he can sign his membership papers. They where extremely nosy and rude, for example one tried to get into the garage without so much as asking. When he stopped him and asked him where he wanted to go, he had the audacity to say:“I need to check your garage, if everything there is in order. I have a right to do this biweekly, and denying me access is a an offense that will cost a fine.”

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Kick me out of the group project? I'll steal the only A.

Background: For one of my business information classes we had a final project in which our groups of 4-6 people had to go through an Access Database and create an in depth business analysis and advertising campaign. The groups were set up at the beginning of the semester and worked on various other projects until the final details were released. The project was pretty intense, and our professor stated only one team could get an A, everyone else got a B+ or lower.

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Getting my sister and all of her friends into trouble... for something they didn't do.

When I was a tween and my sister had big sleepovers, I was allowed to have one person over to keep me company as well. I usually asked my cousin over, because she and I were around the same age and the only person I was really close with.

Things usually went pretty smoothly during the day, but come night time, my sister and her friends would begin pranking us mercilessly. Everything from putting our underwear in the freezer to putting shaving cream on us while we slept to popping out of random places and scaring us. One night, we decided we had enough.

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Don't make my girlfriend cry.

warning: long story.

Okay, so this was a good few years ago, back when I was in high school.

In case my username didn’t give it away, I am happily and openly gay af, and I came out at about 14, around year 9 in high school (I’m British). And from that second on, I was even more of a target.

I was already the preferred bullying target. The school was aware of it, they were also aware that my family didn’t take kindly to this (in my previous school, my Mum had brought the police into school on the day where the younger kids were coming to see if they wanted to go there, because they weren’t doing anything about me being bullied) so pulled a big huff and puff smoke screen to try and make it seem like they were fixing the issue, though they never did anything.

I had plenty of small ‘regular’ or 'petty’ revenges throughout my years. Getting people kicked out of classes, forced into counseling, etc etc. But this is the big one.

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